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Old 08-21-2019, 11:46 PM
 
344 posts, read 110,335 times
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Meet up.com had been suggested to me more than once, hiking groups, things like that. I don't drink either, people think I'm weird for it. Go where the women hang out. I bet meet ups with a spiritual theme would attract mostly women.

 
Old 08-21-2019, 11:50 PM
 
344 posts, read 110,335 times
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I moved to find someone, seriously. If you choose a city, choose one with more women than men
I didn't see the part about Meet ups not existing where you are before I suggested it.
Still, even in your city I bet women go where the men are (watching sports) to meet men. You could go hoping to attract a woman
 
Old Yesterday, 02:51 AM
 
14,502 posts, read 17,535,016 times
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Its like trying to mine for gold now. Lots of promises, lots of hope, lots of sand, but very rare to find actual gold.

One unintended consequence is, if you keep your standards up and continue on, you'll find that enough time has passed that you've gotten used to being alone and it's not that big of a deal anymore that you don't have someone.

So date whenever you feel like it. Or not. Whatever you want.
 
Old Yesterday, 03:11 AM
 
14,502 posts, read 17,535,016 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Idkeither View Post
I moved to find someone, seriously. If you choose a city, choose one with more women than men

This is not horrible advice. Do what you have to do to make your life happy.

Or, you could always go beg the old girl back.
 
Old Yesterday, 04:29 AM
 
2,157 posts, read 596,886 times
Reputation: 1419
Quote:
Originally Posted by Max_is_here View Post
Without getting into lots of details, I yesterday evening I was unceremoniously dumped via email after 12 years together (never married, and a long distance relationship the last 7, which has a hell of a lot to do with the problem) and I'm thinking it's probably going to be a lasting thing.


In an effort to "buck up" some today, I scoured all of the dating sites to see what is out there. From what I can tell since I last went looking for a new girlfriend when I was 28, it's a horror show by contrast. I'm sure it varies from region to region, and frankly from time to time based on just the dumb luck of who is available, but it is BLEAK right now.


I'm not trying to sound like a jerk, or be pretentious, be realize the wound is still VERY fresh and I'm not picking on any individual person or their circumstances. I don't know anyone here, or on all of those dating sites... So, if I say something with less tact than I should have, please accept my apology up front.



To frame what I mean... I'm no awesome catch in terms of good looks or physique, but I have a good job, I have a very good education, I have all of the normal adult things going on (a little savings, vehicles, a place to live, etc), and I'm generally a pretty decent guy. I'm a generous lover and I just generally like spending time with someone I love and I don't mind being the high tide that raises all ships if the situation is good. What I mostly want in life is for others to leave me alone and I will pay them the same courtesy, even at my expense. I also don't have any kids. So, I'm almost exactly "Mr. No Excitement". I am a homebody and I developed anxiety issues several years ago that make things like going out on normal dates absolutely miserable for me. That said, guys like retired Navy SEALS have those problems way worse than I do and they all end up with great women (not that I'm in their league, but...), so, it's clearly not impossible with the right attitude. I'm never going to do runs or pulls ups against those guys, but I can't think of a reason I can't have the same mental hardness that they've developed to overcome their own obstacles. So, anyhow, the last thing in the world I want to do is go out bar hopping... Especially since I don't drink. And I'm in a new town. Plus I've never had any luck picking up women that way. ALL of my girlfriends all the way back to just after high school I've found online. Back then it was actually pretty awesome, because the women you would find had a pretty high level of technical skills. Over the years I've ended up dating a chemist, PhD level linguist, and some other really awesome women that just didn't work out for assorted reasons... Until it did... for 12 years...



Keeping in mind I'm not targeting any of YOU with my opinions here:



However, what I'm seeing out there are women that are just horror shows. I'm talking women of all ages with face or neck tattoos. Women who want to sit in lawn chairs in the back yard and get drunk while their kids jump on trampolines. Women who want to do loads of outdoor activities that I hate (and just can't do for health reasons, some explained above). Then there's a large contingent of women that appear to be leaving dead bedrooms and just want to party (or may be actual ads for prostitutes... who knows?). Basically, my VERY judgemental, day 1 of being dumped view, is that I'm seeing lots and lots of "practice girls" that never moved on and are all a massive downgrade from where I was, even though we had our own problems.



So... From the people that have been there, what are my odds really looking like here? Also, I'm assuming 6 months or more in the future when I'll be in a better place and not nearly as "judgey", but my criteria is going to be about the same. A nice accomplished woman with a similar life, similar goals and desires to me.


One thing I'm feeling right off the bat, and I've seen coming for years now, is that I'm absolutely damning myself by being a smoker. Including myself in this camp when I say it, it seems that only the biggest of idiots are still sucking down cancer canes on the regular and I feel that's going to destroy my chances more than almost anything at this point. 12 years ago it really wasn't that big of a deal to find a girl that was decent and smoked, but, I think the decent ones got smarter since then. It also appears that the political climate is making things hard too as a guy that is a fairly traditional mid-western conservative. I don't love everything any politician does, but I'm totally not into the calling people names about who they voted for gambit and there seems to be a lot of that right now too.



Anyhow, again, I'm not trying to be super offensive to anyone here personally (I don't know you, I'm not trying to date you, please don't be offended if I just perfectly described you and then made other false assumptions about YOU, because that's not what I'm intending to do)...



I'm just really sad and the doorway I opened today only made it worse, where in the past it was like "wow, look at all of those fish!". What are my real options here? Do I need to start attending some social clubs or professional organizations or something and "troll" for women there (seems like a great way to find wonderful women that have probably been married for at least 10 years, imo, thus not being at all helpful)? Or is online dating just fine and it's me looking at the bad apples right now that is getting me down?


I also don't want you to get the impression that I'm looking for some type of perfection that doesn't exist. I have loads of my own warts, and I've learned today that anyone dating at my age is going to be right full of baggage too, so I expect all of that. I'm also not looking for rich or super attractive women. I'm basically thinking a typical 35-45 year old professional woman (teacher, healthcare, whatever) would be fine, but I'm just not finding them...


I appreciate any thoughts you can share. Again, I'm really sorry if this was all too gruff. I'm just in a bad spot right now.

Yeah, I dont get the i ordinate amount of ink these women have. The sleeves, the flowery murals on their backs, etc.

What happened when women had those cute, obscure, feminine tats on the lowerback, anlkes, wrists?

On a beautiful woman, that's like putting a dozen bumper stickers on a Mercedes Benz. It looks like they walked out of prison when I see them at swimming areas
 
Old Yesterday, 05:08 AM
 
306 posts, read 212,264 times
Reputation: 419
Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth View Post
Its like trying to mine for gold now. Lots of promises, lots of hope, lots of sand, but very rare to find actual gold.

One unintended consequence is, if you keep your standards up and continue on, you'll find that enough time has passed that you've gotten used to being alone and it's not that big of a deal anymore that you don't have someone.

So date whenever you feel like it. Or not. Whatever you want.

I feel like this is probably the best advice thus far... Except I've been lonely has hell for at least 4 years already. I also admit that this is now the very early start of day 2 of all of this, I've slept for 4 hours combined, and I haven't eaten... So... Things are always the worst in the beginning.
 
Old Yesterday, 05:12 AM
 
306 posts, read 212,264 times
Reputation: 419
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
Ugh ok yeah.

Seriously, can you relocate?

I just got here under 2 years ago. I work in manufacturing and I have to go where the work is. Plus, I'm a politically conservative guy. Moving to a big city is the opposite of the direction I want to go and that was actually one of the stated reasons in the "breakup document" as well. Everyone has their own opinions, and I'm not trying to get political here, but when Clinton lost my now ex also lost her freaking mind and just couldn't let it go that I disagreed with her. It was all fine when someone was in office that I didn't like, but the shoe didn't fit well on the other foot. I doubt my pool of similar women is likely to expand in bigger area.


Plus, I already opened my search up and caught Chicago, Indy, and suburban Detroit.... Nothing.


Obviously the best thing to do is just get myself to a better place and see where the chips fall, but it's not looking awesome.


I also take to heart another opinion shared here that I may be no better catch than the women I'm looking at. However, I have control over that...
 
Old Yesterday, 05:21 AM
 
306 posts, read 212,264 times
Reputation: 419
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
Yeah, I dont get the i ordinate amount of ink these women have. The sleeves, the flowery murals on their backs, etc.

What happened when women had those cute, obscure, feminine tats on the lowerback, anlkes, wrists?

On a beautiful woman, that's like putting a dozen bumper stickers on a Mercedes Benz. It looks like they walked out of prison when I see them at swimming areas

Strongly agreed. Then it seems that they all share the same interests of getting drunk by a campfire for the rest of their lives. That's absolutely not me anymore and I was discouraged to see that a bunch of 40-something women are setting their bar at that height. Again, there are likely other factors that are limiting me, and my vision isn't too terribly clear right now anyhow, so I may be being too harsh.
 
Old Yesterday, 05:23 AM
 
2,208 posts, read 1,734,572 times
Reputation: 2801
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
The ironic thing here is Max, reading your posts I donít get the impression youíre way above those women youíre looking at online...they very well may think the same about you.
Beat me to it. OP comes across as way too judgemental. How can you know someone really wants nothing more but watch kids on trampolines?
 
Old Yesterday, 05:26 AM
 
306 posts, read 212,264 times
Reputation: 419
Quote:
Originally Posted by picardlx View Post
Beat me to it. OP comes across as way too judgemental. How can you know someone really wants nothing more but watch kids on trampolines?

Because that's literally what at least 3 profiles I read said they wanted to do. Get drunk in lawn chairs in the back yard while the kids play (and a trampoline was specifically mentioned in at least one of them). I'm not making inferences there.


You're absolutely right that I may also be just as big of a disaster. I admit I'm not putting my best foot forward here.
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