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Old Yesterday, 07:09 PM
 
Location: Continental Europe
775 posts, read 155,114 times
Reputation: 1229

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Max_is_here View Post
Is there a mute feature for this willingly ignorant, and intentionally abrasive, jack wagon?
Sadly not.

 
Old Yesterday, 07:39 PM
 
306 posts, read 212,264 times
Reputation: 419
Quote:
Originally Posted by Formerly Known As Twenty View Post
I tend to define myself as a right-leaning Democrat, which, in a nutshell, means that I'm generally generous with people until they begin to stick their hands into my pocket to simply take what they want because they feel entitled to it without either reciprocation or at least an attempt to better their own situation. That's as far as I'll share my own political leanings and general paradigm as this isn't the place for that sort of discussion. I will say, though, that my current boyfriend disclosed that he was a Republican when we first met in person. Turns out that it's a deal-breaker for many people these days, so he thought it best to reveal this fact sooner rather than later so we didn't waste one another's time. He's the sort of sensible, old-school "Rockefeller" Republican (what would now be termed a RINO) with whom I tend to get along and have interesting and in-depth discussions, so it didn't matter much to me in the grand scheme of things. (I have an inkling that you're not overly dissimilar in your political viewpoints.) Besides, it's both unhealthy and unwise for a person to surround her/his/theirself in a bubble of like-minded folks, but I digress...

The health concerns that you shared here lend a lot of clarity to why you stick close to home or a place with private and familiar bathroom facilities. I'm sorry that you have to live with that as it must make day to day living difficult--not just the prospect of dating new people. I hope that you're able to get some relief from it at some point in the future so you can return to doing the simple things that most of us take for granted.

From what I've heard from my friends and acquaintances--both male and female and of all ages--the dating market *has*changed. Dating has never been easy for most, but the stakes seem to be higher now before people even meet in person for the first time. It's difficult to tell if it's the illusion of endless choices or that all of the best ones are partnered.

That being said: a gainfully employed man who writes well, has had at least one long-term relationship, has no children, and has as much of his life together as you seem to have is going to be a "find" for someone.

Not everyone--even in the cities--is a rabid liberal who chooses to live in a bubble of their own making just as not everyone in the rural areas is a "guns, God, and the Flag" conservative. (I was raised in one of these types of areas and now live in another with several years spent "in between" in an affluent exurb.) Most of the quieter folk are somewhere in the middle--even in the age of DJT. It's just a matter of finding them, which is easier said than done, but is still doable.

I agree with your entire general view on politics and I also felt it was a good thing that we were at opposite ends of the spectrum on some issues. I learned a lot and grew a lot from it. However, when the conversation boils down to you're a sexist or racist or whatever it is thing today, that's not a conversation anymore. So. enlightened Max doesn't mind those actual conversations, but I'm not too willing to believe there are heaps of people out there on that side of the fence. I'd rather to just go in guns blazing and wearing it on my sleeve that it's something I want. I don't mind church women or any of that, I just don't want to go to church, so I would think that camp would be suitable for me as well, but religiously I'm agnostic. So... It's weird. It seems that there is likely a pool out there for me, but it's going to be narrow. Obviously worth the time in the end, but, frustrating right now because I thought I had this about 80% figured out, and no we're back to 0.


Yeah, the IBS isn't getting better over the 9 or so years I've had it. For anxiety in general, the last 2 days have been horrific, which is why I'm here. I'm a total wreck. I was sweating all day today for no apparent reason other than just flat out nerves. I'm waking up after sleeping 45 minutes covered in sweat and having nightmares. I'm just destroyed right now... No fun at all.



I suppose a support forum might be helpful, but what I've seen in the past is they only want to talk abot diet plans that, hilariously, work exactly backward for me. All of the IBS trigger foods are the only things I can eat, which sucks. So, tons of greasy meat and starch, but if I touch an ounce of green beans I'm in trouble. No one, including my doctor, gets it. It's also an immense source of frustration to me because I really like those foods, and if I could eat them, I'd also shed a toddler of weight in a month, and be happy to do it. Ugh.... Anyhow, it's a thought worth putting more research into. Thanks.


Your opinion of what I have to offer (details aside) is basically what I was thinking would end up working out just fine in the dating game in the long run too. But I guess my blubbering initial post came off more ranty than it should have because I was, and still am to a lesser degree, out of my mind right now.


So, anyhow, some of the things I'm struggling with as I'm calming down is just how to address these issues, which have never existed before, going forward. There's absolutely no question that I'm going to be carrying heaps of baggage into anything in the future (from the anxiety, to the burn of a failed 12 year relationship, etc), and I don't want to pretend that won't be the case, and I would expect just about anyone else dating at my age to also have their own heaps of baggage too... But how do you even start down that road? Hi, I'm Max, sometimes I'll start sweating out of the middle of nowhere, as an adult I have pooped my pants 3 or 4 times that I remember, and it's really important for you to meet this list of a few, but important, requirements for me before we really even have more to consider... I mean, it sounds pretentious as hell, and in that language it is, but you get what I'm trying to say here. My profile isn't going to end up looking like hardly anyone else's and I feel that will be in the bad way. I obviously have other things to offer, but, I'm more worried about the warts before the jewels.



And I just don't like city life, including even regular neighborhoods anymore. For the most part they're just people doing people things, but I don't want to hear it anymore, and in fairness, I don't want to subject others to me anymore (I work on cars, and build things, with air tools, and welders, and am noisy and obnoxious in my own right) I don't want to ask them to move their cars off the lawn (curb) so I can mow. I don't want the loud parties or loud music that only happen just often enough to be excusable. It's not just where I live now either... My last neighborhood was so unbelievable selfish that people can't even believe the stories when I share them (like one guy had outdoor speakers playing classic rock 24 hours a day... When I looked at the house, I just assumed he was working in his garage with the radio on, and that's something I do too, so maybe we'll even be pals... nope.. Just 24/7 classic rock... 2am, Christmas Morning, cup of coffee, cool but not cold-cold air, just a nice peaceful moment to reflect and collect your inner thoughts, admiring the constellations, and then BOOM, Bon Jovi).



My idea of paradise is as much land as I can afford and pray that I come up with a way to maintain it and pay for it. I don't want livestock and all of that stuff... Just space, lots of it, that is peaceful. It seems obvious to me that city people probably prefer the city and are likely to perceive me as a bumpkin for my preferences. I mean, sure, why not try Chicago for women, but I really don't see that going the way of moving out to the little house on the prairie with me and my "right wing" politics.
 
Old Yesterday, 07:40 PM
 
Location: Texas
10,104 posts, read 3,880,912 times
Reputation: 20528
Quote:
Originally Posted by Formerly Known As Twenty View Post
From what I've heard from my friends and acquaintances--both male and female and of all ages--the dating market *has*changed. Dating has never been easy for most, but the stakes seem to be higher now before people even meet in person for the first time. It's difficult to tell if it's the illusion of endless choices or that all of the best ones are partnered. .
Dating scene has definitely changed over the past 15 years, from what I've heard. Money is a bigger issue now especially with all the younger folks who have student loan debt, lack of decent jobs, money is such a huge issue now in dating and relationships. There are also far more choices with the internet and a much wider pool of people to choose from. So it's more competitive.
 
Old Yesterday, 07:58 PM
 
5,040 posts, read 1,561,622 times
Reputation: 7030
Quote:
Originally Posted by Max_is_here View Post
You may have missed it, but I not happy about any of this at all and would have really liked to have built a life with her.
I didn't miss that. It's crystal clear that you'd love to get back together with her.

No idea why you're attacking me. I'm simply pointing out that if you stop being stubborn, and acknowledge that you brought this on yourself, you can probably fix things with her.
 
Old Yesterday, 08:00 PM
 
306 posts, read 212,264 times
Reputation: 419
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
Dating scene has definitely changed over the past 15 years, from what I've heard. Money is a bigger issue now especially with all the younger folks who have student loan debt, lack of decent jobs, money is such a huge issue now in dating and relationships. There are also far more choices with the internet and a much wider pool of people to choose from. So it's more competitive.

I'm not sure that all applies to me in my age range. I mean, when I was 25 those were all real concerns, but at 40 I'm more interested in knowing that this is a person that I could afford to retire with in about 20 more years... With that criteria in mind, and the limited search I did, the selection was slim. Expanding beyond smokers is the most actionable advice I've gotten here, and I feel it's likely correct.
 
Old Yesterday, 08:07 PM
 
Location: Texas
10,104 posts, read 3,880,912 times
Reputation: 20528
Quote:
Originally Posted by Max_is_here View Post
I'm not sure that all applies to me in my age range. I mean, when I was 25 those were all real concerns, but at 40 I'm more interested in knowing that this is a person that I could afford to retire with in about 20 more years... With that criteria in mind, and the limited search I did, the selection was slim. Expanding beyond smokers is the most actionable advice I've gotten here, and I feel it's likely correct.
Get a subscription to Truthfinder. com and you can look up anyone you meet and find out if they've had bankruptcies, what assets they own, whether or not they have a criminal record, etc. It's not always accurate and won't tell you everything, but it's something to consider and might give you a limited picture of their financial situation. A lot of people have not saved or planned for their retirement. That is an issue with many people today, both men and women. If they are debt free that is a good start, though.
 
Old Yesterday, 08:15 PM
 
306 posts, read 212,264 times
Reputation: 419
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
Get a subscription to Truthfinder. com and you can look up anyone you meet and find out if they've had bankruptcies, what assets they own, whether or not they have a criminal record, etc. It's not always accurate and won't tell you everything, but it's something to consider and might give you a limited picture of their financial situation. A lot of people have not saved or planned for their retirement. That is an issue with many people today, both men and women. If they are debt free that is a good start, though.

I'm way ahead of you there... Next future potential long term mates and neighbors are all getting a full screening. Too many bad surprises of all shapes and sizes over the years for me to not make that minimal investment.


I'll also throw one in my column on that note... I will be 100% debt-free in December, thus beginning the first decade since 1980 (probably owed my mom $20 in 1990 for a Nintendo game or something) that I'm confident I will be entering debt free... Also likely the last... I also sold my house and became a renter when I moved, so I'm cheating, but, I'll take it. I also don't insist YOU are debt free, but massive piles of student and unsecured debt at 40, with no retirement savings, and with no clear means to change it, just isn't something I'm going to get into. As I've said more than a few times, that was a huge wedge in my last relationship.
 
Old Yesterday, 08:27 PM
 
Location: Texas
10,104 posts, read 3,880,912 times
Reputation: 20528
Quote:
Originally Posted by Max_is_here View Post
I'm way ahead of you there... Next future potential long term mates and neighbors are all getting a full screening. Too many bad surprises of all shapes and sizes over the years for me to not make that minimal investment..
I've started delving more into peoples' backgrounds and found some things that were surprising, and, well, some that were not surprising at all. I even found out that one man I dated years ago had a very prolific and extensive criminal history.

People will hide things. I prefer to know who I'm dealing with.
 
Old Yesterday, 08:52 PM
 
306 posts, read 212,264 times
Reputation: 419
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
I've started delving more into peoples' backgrounds and found some things that were surprising, and, well, some that were not surprising at all. I even found out that one man I dated years ago had a very prolific and extensive criminal history.

People will hide things. I prefer to know who I'm dealing with.

Strongly agreed... I even look up criminal records for work buddies before becoming work buddies... I don't need to be any more than professionally associated with the guy that is minutes away from his 3rd DUI or something. It's a bad reflection on me.


Found at the woman who did a lot of our import/export compliance stuff floated a boatload of bad checks in her youth, on multiple occasions, just with a simple document search of the county court. She was a nice lady, and clean for like 20 years, but some people do surprise you.
 
Old Yesterday, 08:58 PM
 
306 posts, read 212,264 times
Reputation: 419
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
Sadly not.

Apparently, there is...


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