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Old Today, 05:52 AM
 
Location: Coastal Georgia
37,352 posts, read 46,056,255 times
Reputation: 62200

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So, I’ve skimmed most of the posts, and you’ve gotten a lot of good advice.

When I see a smoker, I think that person must be either very weak, or mentally defective. Neither of these traits is attractive. Start by overcoming this.

When I hear of a person who would settle for a long distance “relationship” for 7 years, I think that person is not good at taking charge of his life. Steer your own ship. If it takes counseling to help you out of a rut, get some. What could it hurt?

As others have said, take some time to evaluate your life, and see how you can be in a better you. You have many desirable qualities too. You’re just off balance right now. You do not need a relationship now.

 
Old Today, 07:09 AM
 
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
4,586 posts, read 4,368,125 times
Reputation: 5410
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
OP, Atlguy answered your question, because, like you, he's in the Midwest. He agrees that you need to get out of the Midwest. Though you'd think that Chicago would have plenty of variety. Kansas City, it's not.

Though I find it hard to believe, that in all of Chicago, you can't find attractive 35-40-ish yr. old women without tattoos, and such. That's still a pretty young age range. Maybe you need to get off OLD, and network through friends, go to mixers and a variety of singles events, and so on. You know--real life searching, vs. online. Have you tried that?
I don't remember reading how far away from Chicago he is. If he's an hour away, it could still be hard because women aren't willing to drive, usually. I can't tell you how many women online I see willing to travel no more than 10-20 miles to meet someone.
 
Old Today, 07:17 AM
 
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
4,586 posts, read 4,368,125 times
Reputation: 5410
Quote:
Originally Posted by Max_is_here View Post
I'm way ahead of you there... Next future potential long term mates and neighbors are all getting a full screening. Too many bad surprises of all shapes and sizes over the years for me to not make that minimal investment.


I'll also throw one in my column on that note... I will be 100% debt-free in December, thus beginning the first decade since 1980 (probably owed my mom $20 in 1990 for a Nintendo game or something) that I'm confident I will be entering debt free... Also likely the last... I also sold my house and became a renter when I moved, so I'm cheating, but, I'll take it. I also don't insist YOU are debt free, but massive piles of student and unsecured debt at 40, with no retirement savings, and with no clear means to change it, just isn't something I'm going to get into. As I've said more than a few times, that was a huge wedge in my last relationship.
This is excellent. I agree. I became debt free at 44 and I absolutely refuse to be with a woman who can't manage her money and has no retirement savings. Unfortunately, it can take time to figure all that out. That said, I agree, and congrats for getting out of debt!
 
Old Today, 07:30 AM
 
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
4,586 posts, read 4,368,125 times
Reputation: 5410
Quote:
Originally Posted by Max_is_here View Post


It's terrifying how many people haven't bothered to answer the question I asked, except you and a couple of others who tried. Thanks. I was starting to think it was just me... And if you've been out there searching for 10 years then you picked up almost exactly where I left off in the dating scene. It sounds like you've seen exactly the change I'm talking about as well and that change isn't that they're just older. I'm also open to believing that geography and all of that can be a factor, but it never was a problem 12-15 years ago when I was last dating a fair bit. My smoking is the one thing that I can absolutely, without question, look at and very clearly see the social changes from 10-15 years ago as now being a problem for me, and I counted on that one going in. I didn't expect everything else.
Thanks. I feel your pain, I really do. I dated a fair amount right after my divorce, but A. I wasn't ready, and B. I was still dealing with being underemployed post recession. My confidence was shot. So after doing that for 3 years in Atlanta, with subpar results due to confidence/job situation, I moved out west for a career saving job. BUT I traded any sort of personal life for my career (little did I know at the time). It is beyond rough where I live and the few people (men and women, btw) who I've met not from here (because everyone was born here and NEVER leaves), agree with me. Its cliquish and difficult and a 1950's social mentality. Its the Twilight Zone, basically.

Do you have a prescription for anxiety? Klonopin might help. I've needed it in the past. Of course, therapy would help too. Trust me, I've tried it all. All have been incrementally helpful to the point where I'm in a good place. I own a house, have money in the bank, good career, no debt, in shape, look young, honest, loyal, etc. None of it matters these days partly because of where I live, and partly because of how much the world has changed. I've about thrown in the towel. I'm not saying you should at all (especially if you want a family), but I have.
 
Old Today, 07:45 AM
 
Location: NW Indiana
40,348 posts, read 15,297,791 times
Reputation: 102615
Thread temporarily closed for cleanup. This is going to take a while, folks.
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