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Old Yesterday, 06:39 AM
 
Location: Central IL
15,285 posts, read 8,709,748 times
Reputation: 35831

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Quote:
Originally Posted by archineer View Post
It's not a conscious decision though, it's not like I have any control over it. Plus I'm not going for better-looking women than myself. Also, I'm an architect and a highly visual person.

Personality counts certainly, but i'm not attracted too personality, more a bad personality turns me off. I'm attracted to looks.
Well, if you're an ARCHITECT, you have no choice!

But no, guys in general are too visual and they hate to settle...and "pity" sex just doesn't last. That's not really what it is, but the thought that a guy wants to put a paper bag over your head during sex just doesn't appeal to me, especially if they aren't at least a 9 themselves!

Women can sometimes get past "bad" looking guys but not vice versa.

 
Old Yesterday, 12:39 PM
 
Location: London, U.K.
2,953 posts, read 3,330,072 times
Reputation: 1620
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
God, I wish my husband had been thus. Like all men do, apparently.

Most men do, at least to other men. Men usually will either say exactly what we think, not say anything or (occasionally) flat out lie, though most are not very good at it.

Whereas most women will often tell you what they're thinking, but present it in a socially acceptable way. Problem is most of us men are terrible at reading between the lines (because we generally don't do it ourselves) and take women literally at their word.

Yes, I'm generalising, but its a well-documented trend.
 
Old Yesterday, 12:42 PM
 
Location: London, U.K.
2,953 posts, read 3,330,072 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
Trotting out the sexist stereotypes tonight. Of course, we women don't care a bit about accurate communication, hmm?
Sometimes. But women also tend to prioritise social cohesion, whereas men generally don't.
 
Old Yesterday, 12:44 PM
 
Location: London, U.K.
2,953 posts, read 3,330,072 times
Reputation: 1620
Quote:
Originally Posted by DubbleT View Post
So many things wrong with that statement. You speak for ALL men and know how ALL women think? Definitely shows an 'us vs. them' mentality. You just lost whatever shred of credibility you might have had.

I'm talking about trends. Of course it's not 100%, but generally true.

I don't hate women. But I get annoyed when women don't listen to what I'm saying.

Last edited by archineer; Yesterday at 01:07 PM..
 
Old Yesterday, 12:46 PM
 
Location: London, U.K.
2,953 posts, read 3,330,072 times
Reputation: 1620
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
This ^^ isn't even relevant to the discussion. Since you landed in this subforum your pattern has been to toss out this strawman argument, usually related to a gender attack, when you're in a corner. It makes you an unreliable narrator.



Then why did you even start this thread?

You set a premise that your choices are the Kelly Brook lookalike or uggos you hate having sex with. It turns out you're talking about true love, which is a whole other topic.

Please get better at actual discussion if you plan to hang out here longer.
I think my original post is self explanatory (provided you take what I'm saying at face value and stop looking for hidden meaning.) And I don't mean "uggos" just average looking women.
 
Old Yesterday, 12:51 PM
 
Location: London, U.K.
2,953 posts, read 3,330,072 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Northshoregirl2019 View Post
OP, this isn't about attraction, its apparent that you have never gotten over losing your first love. I get it, I was the same way for decades. Met him at 24, love at first sight. He crushed me and I spent the next 25 years unable to find anyone that matched up to him. No one I dated was attractive to me. On my wedding day I was thinking of him, not the man I was marrying.

Only after my divorce and lots of therapy was I able to give up the ghost of him. Once I had finally healed that part of me, I met the most amazing man who looks nothing like my first love. It has nothing to do with physical attributes, you are looking for another her. I think that until you deal with that pain, you are never going to find a woman that you will fall in love with.
But I have moved on. And I've dated lots of different types of women with different looks. Though we are most attracted to people who look like ourselves, and she did look like a female me.

I do wonder if the neurological problems I have prevented me from falling in love again. I know my hormones were affected by the drug, so maybe my brain doesn't output sufficient dopamine to allow it.

Looks/physical attraction does matter, I really don't find average women attractive, not ugly, but not attractive either. Just neutral.

Last edited by archineer; Yesterday at 01:13 PM..
 
Old Yesterday, 12:57 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
44,017 posts, read 42,602,465 times
Reputation: 85122
Quote:
Originally Posted by archineer View Post

I think my original post is self explanatory (provided you take what I'm saying at face value and stop looking for hidden meaning.)
The question as you posed it doesn't make sense.

Would I date a man who doesn't find me attractive? Well, that assumes that I know he doesn't find me attractive, so of course I wouldn't want to DATE someone who isn't into me physically.

Or it assumes that he is withholding the fact that he doesn't find me attractive, which I would find out eventually because the sex would be mediocre, if it happened at all, and day-to-day
interactions would be platonic, and I'm not down for that.

Believe me, I'm taking what you're saying at face value. The problem is that even at face value your premise is flawed because it assumes that you would be dishonest with the women (either by not telling them you're not attracted or by withholding that info), and dishonesty is not a good basis for any relationship.
 
Old Yesterday, 12:59 PM
 
7,846 posts, read 3,080,335 times
Reputation: 12964
Quote:
Originally Posted by archineer View Post
I think my original post is self explanatory (provided you take what I'm saying at face value and stop looking for hidden meaning.) And I don't mean "uggos" just average looking women.
And as has been pointed out to you before ...you aren’t understanding the way you come across. You're “explaining” men, women, and relationships to us as if we’ve been hiding in the woods. You’re here to tell us how people behave, when in all reality the way you describe how men “are” is more of a typical description of men on the spectrum: taking things at face value only knowing how to tell the truth, or else completely lying not very well.

That isn’t what we’ve experienced with men, it’s not because they’re keeping secrets from us. You’re describing you.
 
Old Yesterday, 01:04 PM
 
Location: London, U.K.
2,953 posts, read 3,330,072 times
Reputation: 1620
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
And as has been pointed out to you before ...you aren’t understanding the way you come across. You're “explaining” men, women, and relationships to us as if we’ve been hiding in the woods. You’re here to tell us how people behave, when in all reality the way you describe how men “are” is more of a typical description of men on the spectrum: taking things at face value only knowing how to tell the truth, or else completely lying not very well.

That isn’t what we’ve experienced with men, it’s not because they’re keeping secrets from us. You’re describing you.
Hmm. Most men are always straight with other men. I've never experienced a man say one thing yet mean something different. I've had men on rare occasions flat out lie, but never coax things in more socially acceptable language while meaning something else. Personally, I'm not even able to do it on the fly.

In fact, I was reading a thread on facebook a while back (it was a dating vid aimed at women on 'what men really mean on first dates') yet all the men commenting on that video were saying that they don't do it and we say what we think.
 
Old Yesterday, 06:15 PM
 
Location: California
980 posts, read 267,096 times
Reputation: 2770
Quote:
Originally Posted by archineer View Post

But being older now (though I still look young,) pretty much all good looking women at my age are hard work and high maintenance.
No I wouldn't date anyone who didn't find me pretty, and I also wouldn't date anyone who makes these ridiculous generalizations about women.

There are beautiful older women who are free spirited, non materialistic, and not obsessed with their looks or high maintenance. If you're not finding them, you're looking in the wrong circles.
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