U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Closed Thread Start New Thread
 
Old Yesterday, 06:30 PM
 
Location: So Cal
40,766 posts, read 40,342,205 times
Reputation: 42191

Advertisements

Mrs chow is one of the kindest well meaning people I've known . This thread is a non starter because it's sorta silly. We have to have some attraction. I mean we can't get any wood if things are so fear off.

 
Old Yesterday, 06:51 PM
 
Location: California
980 posts, read 267,096 times
Reputation: 2770
Quote:
Originally Posted by archineer View Post
Personality counts certainly, but i'm not attracted too personality, more a bad personality turns me off. I'm attracted to looks.
Ugh. That is so superficial and gross. No wonder you're not finding anyone.

Your perception of a person's looks should be based on your attraction to who they are as a whole. I've loved numerous men who weren't that good looking by society's standards. But I loved the way they looked because I adored WHO THEY WERE.

Quote:
Originally Posted by archineer View Post
Hard work = I'm not a millionaire living in a Chelsea mansion driving a Bentley. They're always looking to trade up.
Not true at all. Perhaps this is true for whatever YOUR standards of "good looking" are. It sounds like you're attracted to superficial, materialistic women. The sort who wear designer clothes and tons of makeup and always have their hair done perfectly. Like the "Real Housewives" sort of women.

I suspect if you were to date a hippie girl, you'd have none of these issues. Except you're probably not attracted to women like me. So there you go.

Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
I think it's okay for a man in his 40s to date women in their 20s, as long as you understand they aren't going to be where you are at financially. People who are half your age will earn about half what you do.
Hmm life really doesn't work that way. I make less now than I did in my 20s. I've had a variety of jobs. It's not like people start out at point A and then climb their way up from there. You can be rich at a point in your life and then broke later on. Things happen.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
It’s not that all very attractive women are shallow. What the women you are attracted to have in common is they treat you kind of crappy. You are attracted to shallow golddiggers who happen to be very attractive physically, and treat you poorly.
This! This, this, this. It's you OP.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kevxu View Post
There seems to be some confusion between "physically attractive" and "attraction." If you equate the two, IMO you are missing some of the most exciting people you will ever meet.

Many physically run-of-the-mill or even homely people, are very attractive as romantic and sexual partners.
Absolutely. And looks morph as our perception of a person morphs. That's why I don't get how people can swipe left on people on dating sites for anything beyond major lifestyle incompatibilities. Looks alone are nothing to judge by.

Quote:
Originally Posted by archineer View Post
Though we are most attracted to people who look like ourselves, and she did look like a female me.
This has to be the most narcissistic thing I've read on the internet in a long time. Not even slightly true.
 
Old Yesterday, 07:28 PM
 
Location: Wilmington NC
5,655 posts, read 5,208,542 times
Reputation: 14244
Quote:
Originally Posted by archineer View Post
I'm a good looking, albeit slightly short (5'8") man, a self-employed architect, but not wealthy. I've only been in love once a long time ago (22 years now,) she was basically the spitting image of late 90s Kelly Brook (and looked like a female me.) Being young and stupid I messed this up as I broke her trust. I've dated multiple women similar to her since then but never fell in love again and I've never once in my life found a woman much less than this physically attractive.

But being older now (though I still look young,) pretty much all good looking women at my age are hard work and high maintenance, so I'm told to "lower my standards." This means dating a woman I've no attraction too. I've tried dating "average" looking women twice in the past, there was a good emotional connection both times and we got on well (both women treated me far better) but no love, I had no physical attraction to them at all and I hated having sex with both. So should I even consider this? The first one I dated remarked I'd never fall in love with her, and she went back to her previous boyfriend.
I find it fascinating that you look like Kelly Brook (whoever that is)

I also find it fascinating that you think if you were to select an 'average' woman to marry, she would be fooled by your act enough to want to marry you. Why wouldn't she be looking for true love as well? Wouldn't she find sex with you to be a drag, since you hate it so much? Are you so awesome that she'll be grateful to have whatever scraps you offer?

Apparently my standards for looks have been lowered over the years, but my standards for how I am treated have not.

Last edited by Stagemomma; Yesterday at 07:40 PM..
 
Old Yesterday, 08:59 PM
 
9,126 posts, read 5,254,529 times
Reputation: 10377
Quote:
Originally Posted by archineer View Post
I'm not rich. The last girlfriend moaned and moaned endlessly about it, and she's not the first. Career wise I'm behind in life as I was ill through my mid 20s and architecture is known as the job of old men for a reason.
And your last girlfriend speaks for all good-looking women, as they are not individuals but rather a homogeneous blob?

I think that the difficulty you are experiencing over and over is your own unattractiveness. And I am not talking about your physical appearance.
 
Old Today, 03:32 AM
 
24 posts, read 8,570 times
Reputation: 55
just my opinion, blind people don't get the chance to see what people look like. they go on feelings and I would imagaine how they feel about the person.

I would imagine blind people judge weather the the person is worthy of their attention by gut feeling.

it has been my belief that 10s go with 10s 5s go with 5s and ones go with ones. you hardly ever see a very attractive person with a not so attractive person am I right?

my feeling is not what is on the outside that helps judge a person of value. its the way a person acts towards me or in society

beautiful looking people can be so ugly inside. mean violent, etc.... do they kick the cat when walking in the door or do they bend down to pet the cat. see what I mean. looks mean nothing or should mean nothing but sadly that isn't the way in life. trust me I know im only a 4 at most. men don't want no part of me even tho im clean, well mannered, dress nice, hygene is on target, I bathe daily and oral hygene is normal too.
I always felt if I was better looking more men would look my way. trust me I tried dating sites and the good looking women are the women that got all the hits. sadly I couldn't even attract average looking men. I once set up a profile on a dating site. (one you pay for) with no pic, would start a conversation it would go to phone and only after we formed a friendship online did I send them my pic....

I learned then that looks matter. I wouldn't hear from then again. I told them after talking with them on phone and in texts that once you see my pic I wont hear from you again due to this being a pattern, they would say, oh no I like you to much for that to happen.... well I send the pic and like all the others they stop texting and calling... I figured out that looks matter not that I take care of myself. that I have good morals and values. means nothing in todays world. im have grown use to this and know that its just the way the world is sadly,
being a 4 on the outside and a 100% on the inside but im happy being alone now. I have accepted that I will be alone for the short time I have left in my world. I have stage 4 kidney cancer so its just a matter of time now as I go through my 2nd go around with my cancer.
such is life...……………..
 
Old Today, 04:00 AM
 
13,107 posts, read 10,136,943 times
Reputation: 16635
Quote:
Originally Posted by That_One_Girl View Post
Ugh. That is so superficial and gross. No wonder you're not finding anyone.

Your perception of a person's looks should be based on your attraction to who they are as a whole. I've loved numerous men who weren't that good looking by society's standards. But I loved the way they looked because I adored WHO THEY WERE.
For me this can go both ways. I have found things attractive in men that I otherwise had not previously once I got to know them. One guy had this rather unfortunate mustache. Like a cliche mustache. But after a while, his smile, motions and other features really kicked me in the knee wobbles. Other men who were classically beautiful I lost all attraction for when I learned that their beauty did not extend further in than their skin care products.
 
Old Today, 04:09 AM
 
Location: Florida/Tennessee
2,908 posts, read 4,406,574 times
Reputation: 1611

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zn_axv6eoOw
 
Old Today, 04:12 AM
 
2,215 posts, read 1,737,562 times
Reputation: 2819
Quote:
Originally Posted by readrbuff2018 View Post
just my opinion, blind people don't get the chance to see what people look like. they go on feelings and I would imagaine how they feel about the person.

I would imagine blind people judge weather the the person is worthy of their attention by gut feeling.

it has been my belief that 10s go with 10s 5s go with 5s and ones go with ones. you hardly ever see a very attractive person with a not so attractive person am I right?

my feeling is not what is on the outside that helps judge a person of value. its the way a person acts towards me or in society

beautiful looking people can be so ugly inside. mean violent, etc.... do they kick the cat when walking in the door or do they bend down to pet the cat. see what I mean. looks mean nothing or should mean nothing but sadly that isn't the way in life. trust me I know im only a 4 at most. men don't want no part of me even tho im clean, well mannered, dress nice, hygene is on target, I bathe daily and oral hygene is normal too.
I always felt if I was better looking more men would look my way. trust me I tried dating sites and the good looking women are the women that got all the hits. sadly I couldn't even attract average looking men. I once set up a profile on a dating site. (one you pay for) with no pic, would start a conversation it would go to phone and only after we formed a friendship online did I send them my pic....

I learned then that looks matter. I wouldn't hear from then again. I told them after talking with them on phone and in texts that once you see my pic I wont hear from you again due to this being a pattern, they would say, oh no I like you to much for that to happen.... well I send the pic and like all the others they stop texting and calling... I figured out that looks matter not that I take care of myself. that I have good morals and values. means nothing in todays world. im have grown use to this and know that its just the way the world is sadly,
being a 4 on the outside and a 100% on the inside but im happy being alone now. I have accepted that I will be alone for the short time I have left in my world. I have stage 4 kidney cancer so its just a matter of time now as I go through my 2nd go around with my cancer.
such is life...……………..
I'm sad to hear about your excellence in OLD. I would suggest putting your picture online, and be upfront about your looks the same way as you are with your personality. Hoping your treatment (if you're taking any) brings you benefit.
 
Old Today, 04:27 AM
 
2,172 posts, read 599,849 times
Reputation: 1438
Quote:
Originally Posted by readrbuff2018 View Post
just my opinion, blind people don't get the chance to see what people look like. they go on feelings and I would imagaine how they feel about the person.

I would imagine blind people judge weather the the person is worthy of their attention by gut feeling.

it has been my belief that 10s go with 10s 5s go with 5s and ones go with ones. you hardly ever see a very attractive person with a not so attractive person am I right?
You'd think right? But I'm finding lesser attractive women still wanting the 10s, and yes men have been known to do the same. I had a female friend try to set me up with a chubby gal. She wasn't all that appealing, but for some reason her facial expressions were cute. Plus she was into the same interests I was into. You COULD say were were equals when it came to looks, because I have my physical flaws too.

I figured that since I've been going to the gym, I'd hold my own. I am not 6 feet tall (5'8") and I'm bald, and I don't have the Henry Cavill jawline. My friend told me to go ahead and message her friend on FB because her friend is looking.

I sent her a message, got no response. Tried again...was still ignored. A few days later, I go to my friend and said, "Hey, you're friend...she isn't responding...something wrong on her end". She told me she wasn't physically attracted, and I go, "Hm, has this woman not weighed herself or looked in a mirror lately?!" She isn't all that either. (When I said "either", meant to say she is my equal in looks).

Oh, and on the "you hardly" part.

Recently, I know a guy that I swear is built like George Costanza, wears the frumpy same outfits, even when he goes out. Baggy jeans and polo work shirt and a ball cap. He's got a girlfriend that turns heads. This dudes doesn't trim his nose hairs and has bad breath. Nice guy, but definitely unappealing to the senses. Even HE was surprised that a woman like her, who is a model and professional dancer, would be with him? He himself, claimed himself to be "ugly" and simply got lucky.

I asked someone that knew him and asked, "What does a gorgeous lady like her, see in him?" Answer, "He treats her well".

Well...DUH. LOL Now if all of the other hot women would just appreciate the same thing, they'd wind up with stalky, chubby bald dudes I suppose. j/k

my feeling is not what is on the outside that helps judge a person of value. its the way a person acts towards me or in society

beautiful looking people can be so ugly inside. mean violent, etc.... do they kick the cat when walking in the door or do they bend down to pet the cat. see what I mean. looks mean nothing or should mean nothing but sadly that isn't the way in life. trust me I know im only a 4 at most. men don't want no part of me even tho im clean, well mannered, dress nice, hygene is on target, I bathe daily and oral hygene is normal too.
I always felt if I was better looking more men would look my way. trust me I tried dating sites and the good looking women are the women that got all the hits. sadly I couldn't even attract average looking men. I once set up a profile on a dating site. (one you pay for) with no pic, would start a conversation it would go to phone and only after we formed a friendship online did I send them my pic....

Quote:
I learned then that looks matter. I wouldn't hear from then again. I told them after talking with them on phone and in texts that once you see my pic I wont hear from you again due to this being a pattern, they would say, oh no I like you to much for that to happen.... well I send the pic and like all the others they stop texting and calling... I figured out that looks matter not that I take care of myself. that I have good morals and values. means nothing in todays world. im have grown use to this and know that its just the way the world is sadly,
being a 4 on the outside and a 100% on the inside but im happy being alone now. I have accepted that I will be alone for the short time I have left in my world. I have stage 4 kidney cancer so its just a matter of time now as I go through my 2nd go around with my cancer.
such is life...……………..
The ONLY women that dated me...were either. 1. Told me expressively that they do not care one iota about looks or 2. preferred personality over looks (kind of the same).

That was the only way I was able to score dates with these ladies, is when they told me they simply didn't care about looks. I actually had a woman tell me she avoids very attractive men because they are known to cheat a lot. So somehow me being average llooking worked in my favor there. lol
 
Old Today, 04:47 AM
 
Location: Continental Europe
794 posts, read 161,565 times
Reputation: 1283
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
I sent her a message, got no response. Tried again...was still ignored. A few days later, I go to my friend and said, "Hey, you're friend...she isn't responding...something wrong on her end". She told me she wasn't physically attracted, and I go, "Hm, has this woman not weighed herself or looked in a mirror lately?!" She isn't all that either. (When I said "either", meant to say she is my equal in looks).
Just because she wasn't attractive doesn't mean you're entitled to a date, she's allowed to be attracted to whomever she is attracted to.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Closed Thread


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top