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Old 08-23-2019, 01:15 PM
 
Location: London, U.K.
2,953 posts, read 3,330,072 times
Reputation: 1625

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Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
So, are you planning to make it clear to these women that you don't find them attractive, you're just settling?
I don't think I'd be able to lie about it tbh.

 
Old 08-23-2019, 01:18 PM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
22,727 posts, read 24,390,382 times
Reputation: 49501
Quote:
Originally Posted by archineer View Post
architecture is known as the job of old men for a reason.
Maybe it's different in the UK, but most people I know see architecture as interesting and creative work. Maybe you should expand your type to include women who might know who Zaha Hadid and Daniel Libeskind are.
 
Old 08-23-2019, 01:19 PM
 
Location: London, U.K.
2,953 posts, read 3,330,072 times
Reputation: 1625
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
Admittedly, I wasn’t that physically attracted to my first girlfriend a couple of years ago. She didn’t look bad, just not what I would pick out as far as attraction. Let’s just say attraction was the least of the problems I had with her.

I truly don’t think it is wrong to give someone who you ain’t attracted to a chance. I’m just not inclined to do it ever again.
I didn't have issues with them the two times I tried it before, but the sex part was just ugh.

It seems my options are a high maintenance pain in the arse who i'm attracted to.

Low maintenance women I get on with who treat me well, but I have no attraction to whatsoever.
 
Old 08-23-2019, 01:21 PM
 
Location: London, U.K.
2,953 posts, read 3,330,072 times
Reputation: 1625
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
Maybe it's different in the UK, but most people I know see architecture as interesting and creative work.
Yes but they think we're rich and making at least 6 figures. Only star architects and seniors make that and its usually in their 60s. I'm self-employed running a small one-man office doing house renovations. The work is interesting, but it won't make me a millionaire.

I've dated 3 fellow architects btw.
 
Old 08-23-2019, 01:22 PM
 
10,801 posts, read 4,359,826 times
Reputation: 27209
Quote:
Originally Posted by archineer View Post
I don't think I'd be able to lie about it tbh.
Then don't bother.

No, no woman wants to be with a man who tells her he doesn't find her attractive. No one.
 
Old 08-23-2019, 01:27 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
15,039 posts, read 12,466,891 times
Reputation: 26762
Quote:
Originally Posted by archineer View Post
I'm not rich. The last girlfriend moaned and moaned endlessly about it, and she's not the first. Career wise I'm behind in life as I was ill through my mid 20s and architecture is known as the job of old men for a reason.
So you canít pull younger attractive woman, and have to settle for unattractive women your age, and you absolutely hate this?
 
Old 08-23-2019, 01:31 PM
 
Location: London, U.K.
2,953 posts, read 3,330,072 times
Reputation: 1625
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut View Post
So you can’t pull younger attractive woman, and have to settle for unattractive women your age, and you absolutely hate this?
No. I can date attractive women from say 25-40+ I prefer no less than 10 years younger usually though.

The attractive women I have dated are all high maintenance, I've yet to find one in the last 12 years who isn't. They're a pain in the arse to keep around as they want it all NOW.

I've twice dated average looking women too, those women were easy going, nice considerate and treated me well but I had no attraction to either of them.

These seem to be my options when it comes to dating.
 
Old 08-23-2019, 01:41 PM
 
Location: Eastern Washington
14,409 posts, read 45,271,316 times
Reputation: 13152
I'm a straight guy, and to turn your question around so it fits me, no, I would not want to date a gal who didn't find me physically attractive.



Mutual attraction is, to me anyway, what it's all about.
 
Old 08-23-2019, 01:44 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
44,018 posts, read 42,602,465 times
Reputation: 85127
Quote:
Originally Posted by archineer View Post

Hard work = I'm not a millionaire living in a Chelsea mansion driving a Bentley. They're always looking to trade up.
Where did you meet such shallow people? It's not a trait that comes WITH beauty.

Quote:
Originally Posted by archineer View Post

It's not edited out, it's still there. Its the truth, sorry if the truth hurts you.
Ok see this is the kind of comment that reveals a mindset that will make it impossible to carry on a lasting relationship. You can't just lob off a meaningless insult like that and expect anyone to take you seriously.

That comment didn't hurt me. It baffles me that a supposedly intelligent, self-sustaining adult could think that way. It does reveal deep-seated insecurities for which you're obviously overcompensating by attempting to associate with a certain kind of woman.

Let's talk about real truth: A person who complains that you don't make enough isn't "high maintenance." They're simple, superficial, and they shouldn't be able to date you long enough to complain about it multiple times. I mean if someone said something like that to me ONE time they'd be cut off.

So the fact that you stayed with someone who said it to you "all the time" reveals that you were motivated by insecurity, an inability to sacrifice ego for ethics.

Quote:
Originally Posted by archineer View Post
Who I'm attracted to physically drops off really steeply. Good looking women are obsessed with trading up.
No, not all good-looking women are. I have a feeling you're basing this immature outlook on a VERY small sample size and extrapolating it across a gender. Just stop already.

What you need to do is take a hard look at the coping mechanisms you've been using to protect your ego from whatever it is that you're afraid of. There's a big difference in "attractive" and "attractive to you." The limits you've place on who is "attractive to you" shows that you don't really understand emotional intimacy because you've apparently never been able to get past someone's face to be drawn in by other qualities.

Until you do, you shouldn't attempt to date seriously.

Last edited by BirdieBelle; 08-23-2019 at 02:48 PM.. Reason: egregious typo
 
Old 08-23-2019, 02:05 PM
 
Location: Arlington, VA and Washington, DC
23,767 posts, read 33,689,470 times
Reputation: 32615
Hopefully OP has at least enough sense not to verbalize the fact he doesn’t find the women attractive out loud in front of them.
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