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Old 08-23-2019, 11:53 AM
 
Location: London, U.K.
2,953 posts, read 3,330,072 times
Reputation: 1625

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I'm a good looking, albeit slightly short (5'8") man, a self-employed architect, but not wealthy. I've only been in love once a long time ago (22 years now,) she was basically the spitting image of late 90s Kelly Brook (and looked like a female me.) Being young and stupid I messed this up as I broke her trust. I've dated multiple women similar to her since then but never fell in love again and I've never once in my life found a woman much less than this physically attractive.

But being older now (though I still look young,) pretty much all good looking women at my age are hard work and high maintenance, so I'm told to "lower my standards." This means dating a woman I've no attraction too. I've tried dating "average" looking women twice in the past, there was a good emotional connection both times and we got on well (both women treated me far better) but no love, I had no physical attraction to them at all and I hated having sex with both. So should I even consider this? The first one I dated remarked I'd never fall in love with her, and she went back to her previous boyfriend.

Last edited by archineer; 08-23-2019 at 12:04 PM..

 
Old 08-23-2019, 11:55 AM
 
790 posts, read 272,997 times
Reputation: 2526
If you tried it and it didn't work for you, I'd say no. But you may want to reevaluate what you consider "attractive"... looks, personality, character, etc.
 
Old 08-23-2019, 11:58 AM
 
Location: London, U.K.
2,953 posts, read 3,330,072 times
Reputation: 1625
Quote:
Originally Posted by gus2 View Post
If you tried it and it didn't work for you, I'd say no. But you may want to reevaluate what you consider "attractive"... looks, personality, character, etc.
It's not a conscious decision though, it's not like I have any control over it. Plus I'm not going for better-looking women than myself. Also, I'm an architect and a highly visual person.

Personality counts certainly, but i'm not attracted too personality, more a bad personality turns me off. I'm attracted to looks.
 
Old 08-23-2019, 12:14 PM
 
Location: The point of no return, er, NorCal
7,258 posts, read 4,718,373 times
Reputation: 9355
Absolutely not.

I need to be attracted to my partner, but “good looks” were not a big priority for me. I have a wide range of looks or aesthetics that I find attractive. I’ve gone on dates and dated a lot of men that would be deemed average-looking.
 
Old 08-23-2019, 12:15 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
15,039 posts, read 12,466,891 times
Reputation: 26762
So you’re in your mid 40’s and want a college age model and won’t accept anything else?
 
Old 08-23-2019, 12:16 PM
 
Location: In a place beyond human comprehension
7,768 posts, read 4,988,104 times
Reputation: 12804
Nope.
 
Old 08-23-2019, 12:17 PM
 
790 posts, read 272,997 times
Reputation: 2526
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut View Post
So youíre in your mid 40ís and want a college age model and wonít accept anything else?
 
Old 08-23-2019, 12:22 PM
 
3,900 posts, read 1,808,650 times
Reputation: 7709
Attraction works differently for different people, OP. I see women who I immediately feel a kind of primitive and very strong sexual attraction to, based on their appearance. Then there are women I find physically appealing, but in a more subdued way. I've gotten to know and like women in both categories (for sake of discussion, I don't really put people in categories) and at that point of liking them as people, the attraction is pretty much the same. And I'm talking before I've dated them or we've been sexual. That level of liking and lusting pretty much evened out, if there was some amount of lusting or potential for it from the start.

I sometimes wonder if some men and women experience attraction as only the immediate, almost physically uncomfortable kind, and some like me are wired to see other possibilities. If so, I feel fortunate. Or could it be that some people define attraction as only the first type, willfully or not, when they could experience the second type if they were open to it?
 
Old 08-23-2019, 12:23 PM
 
Location: Colorado
12,264 posts, read 7,503,633 times
Reputation: 22019
Nope.

I do believe that, even with men being these supposedly "visual" creatures where looks are practically everything, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I've met men who were very happy with, for instance, women that some guys would think are unappealing due to their weight. Yet some men find heavy ladies appealing. When he looks at her with that sparkle in his eye, you know he isn't faking it. Another man might not look at her and see anything that gets him going...well, that's fine, but he ought not to fake it if he ain't feelin' it.

If a guy is downright put-off by anything about the me that I am, then I don't want him trying to be with me. My attraction mechanisms might not work that way, but that doesn't matter when it comes to how HE feels. And the last thing I need or want is an unenthusiastic lover.
 
Old 08-23-2019, 12:44 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
44,018 posts, read 42,602,465 times
Reputation: 85127
Quote:
Originally Posted by archineer View Post

... all good looking women at my age are hard work and high maintenance ...
What exactly does this ^^^ mean? Please explain situations of this hard work and high maintenance that are untenable to you.

Fortunately you edited out the line about being an architect and a visual creature because who even says that relative to relationships????

Quote:
Originally Posted by archineer View Post
... so I'm told to "lower my standards." This means dating a woman I've no attraction too.
How do you figure??

Why make the leap from "less maintenance" (whatever that means) to "unattractive" (to you)?
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