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Old 08-28-2019, 08:52 AM
 
13,229 posts, read 10,175,903 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
Whatever man, you're not getting me. You very well know that I know that "all women are different' and are not a 'hive mind". I am trying to make a point of why people do what they do? I'm just putting it out there an understanding why people act the way that they do.
You know, I have heard this said. But those words are like a band aid on the wound of what they are thinking. Your other words speak loudly that you really don't.
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Old 08-28-2019, 08:58 AM
 
7,924 posts, read 3,106,774 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by homina12 View Post
Men and women can choose to be overtly sexual. In the moment a male stripper is performing, his humanity isn't exactly what the women in the room are appreciating, just like a woman stripper isn't appreciated for her mind or business acumen.

The difference is, the man can turn that off in most cases. Let's say both in the above examples are the cliched college students working part time jobs as strippers. A great looking guy may be a bit of a distraction in class, but he has a better chance to be taken seriously for his opinion that the cause of the civil war was more the broad economics of slavery than it was a moral issue than has the woman co-worker and classmate when she espouses the same opinion in class. It's harder for her to not be an object. She has less choice in the matter.
Very good point, thank you! I always wore my glasses at work in my 20s. My opinion carried more weight that way.

As to the OP, I canít give advice, Iím not always looking for a relationship. There really are women out there who simply have sex when they actually feel like it. So the challenge for relationship seekers is to be able to accurately judge the prospectís intent. Not so easy to do.
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Old 08-28-2019, 09:08 AM
 
Location: Colorado
12,340 posts, read 7,542,169 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
Very good point, thank you! I always wore my glasses at work in my 20s. My opinion carried more weight that way.

As to the OP, I canít give advice, Iím not always looking for a relationship. There really are women out there who simply have sex when they actually feel like it. So the challenge for relationship seekers is to be able to accurately judge the prospectís intent. Not so easy to do.
I wear glasses. I get all of the librarian fetishists, I think. lol

Ya know what makes it easier to accurately judge the prospect's intent? When people use their words and are honest. It's pretty neat when that happens. I mean, not everybody is into it...I've found that most are in one of two positions on the matter, either they feel that honest declarations of where one is at and what one's intentions are, ruin the moment or even seem disturbingly forward, basically spoil the game... OR, they love and appreciate the honesty, with almost a sense of relief that they don't have to try to read somebody's mind.

The second kind are the ones that I am compatible with, it seems. It was one of the life lessons I had to learn when dating.
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Old 08-28-2019, 09:27 AM
 
3,920 posts, read 1,818,310 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
Very good point, thank you! I always wore my glasses at work in my 20s. My opinion carried more weight that way.

As to the OP, I can’t give advice, I’m not always looking for a relationship. There really are women out there who simply have sex when they actually feel like it. So the challenge for relationship seekers is to be able to accurately judge the prospect’s intent. Not so easy to do.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
I wear glasses. I get all of the librarian fetishists, I think. lol

Ya know what makes it easier to accurately judge the prospect's intent? When people use their words and are honest. It's pretty neat when that happens. I mean, not everybody is into it...I've found that most are in one of two positions on the matter, either they feel that honest declarations of where one is at and what one's intentions are, ruin the moment or even seem disturbingly forward, basically spoil the game... OR, they love and appreciate the honesty, with almost a sense of relief that they don't have to try to read somebody's mind.

The second kind are the ones that I am compatible with, it seems. It was one of the life lessons I had to learn when dating.
So in my faux explanation of the 1-10 woman rating scale, librarians, who of course wear glasses, defied all other criteria and shot straight to 10. So I'll just creep off the screen now

Which, and being serious now, kind of illustrates my point about how women can have a tough time being free from being sexualized.
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Old 08-28-2019, 10:07 AM
 
Location: Colorado
12,340 posts, read 7,542,169 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by homina12 View Post
So in my faux explanation of the 1-10 woman rating scale, librarians, who of course wear glasses, defied all other criteria and shot straight to 10. So I'll just creep off the screen now

Which, and being serious now, kind of illustrates my point about how women can have a tough time being free from being sexualized.
I repped your post about how we often don't have a choice in the matter. Honestly I am not sure that the problem (from women's POV) is men looking at us with desire, it's the notion that their opinion in that regard is enough to pigeon-hole us and define our very identity, dismiss and erase all other aspects of who we might be, as though none of it matters.

And the thing is, I guess, from at least ~my~ perspective, I don't always care. It's only when I have a need to be heard, and taken seriously, that it matters. At work it doesn't tend to be a problem, because first of all I don't really "girl it up." No makeup, no cleavage, and I never wear heels, I'm in nerd mode. And I feel like the office is so sanitized of sexuality (offices I've worked in usually seem that way, since it's kinda enforced by HR anyhow)...I do feel that I'm heard and understood when I need to be. And in terms of a partner, since I am capable of casual sex, I might do that if I felt like it with somebody, but I'm sure not gonna commit (at this age and stage of wisdom) if I didn't feel the guy could take my brain seriously. My fiance is thrilled that he's got a partner who can hold intelligent conversations, and we agree in many of our sensibilities. What I think really does matter a lot to him. We wouldn't have gotten this far if that weren't the case.

But when I was at a GWAR show in Kansas City in 2007, and the singer paused mid-song and pointed at me and said, "I love a girl with glasses" I certainly did not complain. Though at my first opportunity I said to him, "Hey so thanks, that was adorable and flattering, but I'm a married girl with glasses. Can I commission you for some art, though?" and then we became good friends.

Oh, but in terms of your funny rundown of where we get our points on the 1-10 scale...I have long hair, too. But I'm FORTY YEARS OLD though. I mean. Past peak fertility. So yeah, surely no man would look at me, I'll be a spinster all my days. Oh wait... lol
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Old 08-28-2019, 10:10 AM
 
13,229 posts, read 10,175,903 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
On a completely different note here...

This subject actually reminds me of a conversation I have had with my younger son.

He was in a troubled relationship with a troubled girl, nearly a year ago. He fell hard and fast for her. Of course, she was his first and all. Even when things had been crazy and bad, he still came back from an instance where she had been good to him (she was all over the place with how she treated him) and talked about plans for a future together. I kept telling him it was not going to last. And it didn't.

But at one point he said that he thought he might be "more like a girl" because after they'd been fighting and she had made him feel terrible, he did not want to have sex with her. He just was not in the mood for it. And she got angry and accused him of not finding her attractive and cried and carried on. The ONLY reason she could think of, that he wouldn't want to get it on, is "I'm not pretty." He said that maybe other guys could just turn off their feelings and get down to business, but he had no desire to do so.

I told him then, that if he's going to get so attached to a girl he is intimate with, he really ought to take his time to get there, and get to know her, so that he doesn't get mixed up with any more psychos. (I don't say such things lightly--she really was...something.)

I have known men before, too, who knew that for them, sex was not just some trivial, casual thing, and who wanted to wait before jumping into bed with someone. Who wanted it to mean something. Again, know thyself and to thyself be true.
Poor kid.

In my view, it is not that sex ISN'T some trivial, casual thing. It can be. But it can also be other things. I feel that men who ONLY see sex from the lens of visual, casual, physical are kind of stuck in a pubescent level of immaturity.
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Old 08-28-2019, 11:15 AM
 
Location: Tucson/Nogales
17,616 posts, read 21,502,268 times
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Very first date! Sex is the greatest joy available to mankind, and if you're sexually incompatible, then move on to another that will give you more joy!
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Old 08-29-2019, 10:19 AM
 
4,080 posts, read 7,730,711 times
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From a moral standpoint you should wait until marriage. Every now and then maybe some oral copulation, but otherwise no.
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Old 08-29-2019, 10:46 AM
 
13,229 posts, read 10,175,903 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by loose cannon View Post
From a moral standpoint you should wait until marriage. Every now and then maybe some oral copulation, but otherwise no.
From a moral standpoint, one should follow whatever moral code they operate under.
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Old 08-29-2019, 10:49 AM
 
Location: Moreno Valley, Ca
2,090 posts, read 1,340,091 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
From a moral standpoint, one should follow whatever moral code they operate under.
This x 1000.

I know this is a mundane response, but I am tired today!
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