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Old Yesterday, 01:13 PM
 
Location: Canada
9,138 posts, read 8,445,682 times
Reputation: 19697

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Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
Many men walk if they don't get sex on the first date. That is fact and reality.
The problem with that type is they think they're 'getting' sex as some sort of commodity for themselves, instead of it being a close and personal shared connection between two people who are attracted to each other.

Probably the same guys who lament they don't get second dates.
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Old Yesterday, 01:27 PM
 
2,170 posts, read 599,849 times
Reputation: 1438
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katnan View Post
The problem with that type is they think they're 'getting' sex as some sort of commodity for themselves, instead of it being a close and personal shared connection between two people who are attracted to each other.

Probably the same guys who lament they don't get second dates.
Apparently, the "bro code" is three dates (3 date rule). Not sure why people (men) think there's a magic number, or they walk. :P
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Old Yesterday, 01:54 PM
 
26 posts, read 2,730 times
Reputation: 83
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
Many men walk if they don't get sex on the first date. That is fact and reality.
Then good riddance. That guy more often than naught is only looking for the short term. If you are looking for a relationship than you are better off not wasting your time.
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Old Yesterday, 03:01 PM
 
Location: Texas
10,159 posts, read 3,897,652 times
Reputation: 20578
Quote:
Originally Posted by Northshoregirl2019 View Post
Then good riddance. That guy more often than naught is only looking for the short term. If you are looking for a relationship than you are better off not wasting your time.
Sure, it's good riddance. I think it still hurts when the woman realizes this, as most women are under the assumption that a man has a genuine interest in her, as a person, when he asks her out. If a man only wants sex, and nothing more, he should state this up front and be honest about it.
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Old Yesterday, 04:29 PM
 
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
4,591 posts, read 4,373,174 times
Reputation: 5415
I don't follow any set number, but its typically after 3-4 quality dates. But I've always been willing to wait longer.
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Old Yesterday, 06:00 PM
 
9,113 posts, read 5,254,529 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Northshoregirl2019 View Post
No magic number per say but for me, it was minimum 3 dates. I had to see if there was anything other than sex between us before I would proceed. With my current partner it was our 4th date.

However, I think there may be a grain of truth to this article. I have a perpetually single friend. She will go out on a first date that lasts 4-5 hours and winds up taking the guy home. She becomes convinced that this is the "one" because of this. They see each other for a month or two and then it falls apart. She cries for a couple of weeks and then the cycle begins again. I told her recently to stop "leading with your v" and see if these guys are compatible in other ways. She is currently in the sex haze with a guy she met last week. I'm just waiting for the inevitable...
The problem isn't the sex. The problem is she is looking for "the one" and trying to make each man conform to her ideas of what that relationship will look like.
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Old Yesterday, 06:06 PM
 
Location: California
974 posts, read 267,096 times
Reputation: 2754
I think that in order to feel romantic or sexual feelings about someone, you must know them. That may not be true for everyone. It wasn't true for me back when I was a blackout drunk party girl, but was that really me? I think not. The true me is attracted to someone's personality, kindness, and sense of humor, and you have to be comfortable with a person before those things begin to become apparent. I know for myself, I won't show my real sense of humor unless I feel relaxed around the person.

So the question is how long does it take to feel comfortable around someone? It could take months. Years. There have been people I've developed sexual feelings for after knowing them for DECADES. We weren't aligned, and then we were.

That said, even if I met someone and we just clicked and it aligned perfectly from night 1 onward, I'd still wait a while. You only get to have sex with someone for the first time once. If you end up having a serious relationship with that person, you'll forever have the memory of your first time together. You never want to rush such a beautiful and special milestone for your relationship.
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Old Yesterday, 06:11 PM
 
Location: California
974 posts, read 267,096 times
Reputation: 2754
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
Good point, everyone is different. I had a situation where I was intimate with a woman I was dating, make-out sessions and so on. She wasn't ready to sleep together, which was fine, but I found it kind of odd that she was prudish when it came to me talking innuendo with her. Usually if you're in the make-out stage of a relationship, heavy petting, etc. Very passionate, just outside the clothes kind of stuff...you'd think a woman would be open to talking a little naughty. We've been out plenty of times. A few of those times were at her place.

The next woman, claimed she has a libido of a 25 year old man...and she was 50. When I told her about the previous relationship she was like "Pshhh,...what a prude!"
I personally wouldn't talk dirty or joke around like that with anyone unless we'd already had sex. Making out doesn't really count.

Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
Many men walk if they don't get sex on the first date. That is fact and reality.
I've never experienced that. All the men I've been with had no problem waiting and were in agreement that waiting was a good thing for us both. You really have to make it clear what sort of person you are and what morals and boundaries you have. A person who expects sex on the first date should never have to end up on a date with a person who prefers to wait a long time. These things can be discussed beforehand in order to avoid awkward situations.
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Old Yesterday, 06:35 PM
 
2,170 posts, read 599,849 times
Reputation: 1438
Quote:
Originally Posted by That_One_Girl View Post
I think that in order to feel romantic or sexual feelings about someone, you must know them. That may not be true for everyone. It wasn't true for me back when I was a blackout drunk party girl, but was that really me? I think not. The true me is attracted to someone's personality, kindness, and sense of humor, and you have to be comfortable with a person before those things begin to become apparent. I know for myself, I won't show my real sense of humor unless I feel relaxed around the person.

So the question is how long does it take to feel comfortable around someone? It could take months. Years. There have been people I've developed sexual feelings for after knowing them for DECADES. We weren't aligned, and then we were.

That said, even if I met someone and we just clicked and it aligned perfectly from night 1 onward, I'd still wait a while. You only get to have sex with someone for the first time once. If you end up having a serious relationship with that person, you'll forever have the memory of your first time together. You never want to rush such a beautiful and special milestone for your relationship.
I had read somewhere that...I think it was a figure that fell under 50%...I think 30% of one-night stands ACTUALLY wind up in a long term relationship. How that happens? I dunno.
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Old Yesterday, 06:41 PM
Status: "Make sure you include me in your manifesto" (set 25 days ago)
 
Location: Posting from my space yacht.
8,334 posts, read 3,273,271 times
Reputation: 14926
Sex has to happen right away or nearly right away if the relationship is going to be a healthy one. If you can keep your hands off each other there will always be the memories of people you couldn't keep your hands off of getting in the way and being the unspoken elephant in the room.
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