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Old Yesterday, 07:48 PM
 
9,126 posts, read 5,254,529 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
I don't get the sexual compatibility rationale. Only once have I known a guy who wasn't trainable. They're usually pretty eager to please, and to learn. By waiting a little, you can weed out the ones who aren't interested in a relationship, but only in scoring and moving on.
Well, consider yourself lucky that you don't get the rationale. It's a very real concern to me.
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Old Yesterday, 08:27 PM
 
Location: Texas
10,169 posts, read 3,897,652 times
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You can think you are sexually compatible with a man, but many years later, if he goes through a mid-life crisis, that could change a great deal. The availability of and exposure to internet porn has also changed many mens' expectations of women and sex. Men, once they reach middle age, often become more interested in kink.
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Old Yesterday, 08:48 PM
 
9,126 posts, read 5,254,529 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
You can think you are sexually compatible with a man, but many years later, if he goes through a mid-life crisis, that could change a great deal. The availability of and exposure to internet porn has also changed many mens' expectations of women and sex. Men, once they reach middle age, often become more interested in kink.
Any relationship can change in any way at any time.
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Old Yesterday, 09:36 PM
 
Location: California
980 posts, read 267,096 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
I don't get the sexual compatibility rationale. Only once have I known a guy who wasn't trainable. They're usually pretty eager to please, and to learn. By waiting a little, you can weed out the ones who aren't interested in a relationship, but only in scoring and moving on.
I feel the same. There are certain things, usually on the rarer side, that can make for true incompatibility. For example, a very strange fetish that is non-negotiable and that the other person could not stomach. Stuff like that.

But when it comes to general sex, I don't believe there really is such a thing. I think there's general compatibility between two personalities and lifestyle compatibility. And chemistry. But chemistry pretty much = attraction and is what makes you desire sex with the person in the first place.

In my experience if two people have chemistry and like each other, and there are not any unusual kinks that may stand in the way, then the sex will generally be great.

This is also why I've never had any trouble gauging chemistry based on talking to someone online. I find that if we click and can have exciting, flirty conversations online, we almost always have great sex when we meet up in person. It has happened many times now, and the one time things were weird it was because the guy had a kink I couldn't deal with. I had known about the kink beforehand and was sort of thrilled by the idea at first, but it got old after a while and I realized I couldn't imagine doing that for the rest of my life.

Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
You can think you are sexually compatible with a man, but many years later, if he goes through a mid-life crisis, that could change a great deal. The availability of and exposure to internet porn has also changed many mens' expectations of women and sex. Men, once they reach middle age, often become more interested in kink.
Well yeah, people can always change. That's true with anything. This is why I don't believe in making lifelong commitments.

That said, kinks are generally formed at a young age (I had mine prior to age 5). It's something that happens in our developing brains. People might see something in porn and realize they find it arousing and want to try it, but that's a bit different from a true kink. True kinks are deeply ingrained and will always be. That's why they are one of the few things that can really mess up sexual compatibility.
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Old Today, 03:19 AM
 
2,172 posts, read 599,849 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by That_One_Girl View Post
I feel the same. There are certain things, usually on the rarer side, that can make for true incompatibility. For example, a very strange fetish that is non-negotiable and that the other person could not stomach. Stuff like that.

But when it comes to general sex, I don't believe there really is such a thing. I think there's general compatibility between two personalities and lifestyle compatibility. And chemistry. But chemistry pretty much = attraction and is what makes you desire sex with the person in the first place.

In my experience if two people have chemistry and like each other, and there are not any unusual kinks that may stand in the way, then the sex will generally be great.

This is also why I've never had any trouble gauging chemistry based on talking to someone online. I find that if we click and can have exciting, flirty conversations online, we almost always have great sex when we meet up in person. It has happened many times now, and the one time things were weird it was because the guy had a kink I couldn't deal with. I had known about the kink beforehand and was sort of thrilled by the idea at first, but it got old after a while and I realized I couldn't imagine doing that for the rest of my life.



Well yeah, people can always change. That's true with anything. This is why I don't believe in making lifelong commitments.

That said, kinks are generally formed at a young age (I had mine prior to age 5). It's something that happens in our developing brains. People might see something in porn and realize they find it arousing and want to try it, but that's a bit different from a true kink. True kinks are deeply ingrained and will always be. That's why they are one of the few things that can really mess up sexual compatibility.
Agreed. ... I dont get the compatibility rationale either. I think the only time it could be an issue is if someone wants to have more or less sex....the frequency of sex. I mean if she's only in the mood once a month and wants it multiple times a week, then i could see the issue
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Old Today, 03:25 AM
 
2,172 posts, read 599,849 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
I can't imagine, being on a date with some guy who was telling unflattering observations of another woman he'd had sex with. Some prior flavor of the day who wouldn't talk dirty with you.

Honestly, how degrading for the new sex partner. I had an acquaintance who was making out with a new guy, and the guy said great that you shave down there - I hate searching through the hair forest! Um.

Uber, please! What a complete clod.

ThisTown - really? You talk about specifics of other women you've had sex with, with your current maybe sex partner? And that works out for you? Seems like those women don't have high expectations of the relationship.
It didn't bother her in the least, it was actually a compliment in her direction that she was the opposite prude. Sounds like you're the offended party here. It wasn't just sone date, as we were already exclusive and intimate. She told me she had no sexual hang ups and was open to these types of conversations.

But this post is about the OP, not me, so let's not derail this, okay?

Last edited by ThisTown123; Today at 04:03 AM..
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Old Today, 07:35 AM
 
9,126 posts, read 5,254,529 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
Agreed. ... I dont get the compatibility rationale either. I think the only time it could be an issue is if someone wants to have more or less sex....the frequency of sex. I mean if she's only in the mood once a month and wants it multiple times a week, then i could see the issue
Some people have a lot of hangups about sex. This is not always immediately apparent.
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Old Today, 07:43 AM
 
715 posts, read 348,963 times
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To be honest if sex doesn't happen quickly in the relationship I think its a sign of lack of sexual attraction. (Unless one or both people is extremely religious, or extremely young like teenagers and virgins). But talking about sexually active adults, when I look back on my relationships, in my longest lasting relationships sex happened pretty quickly. Did it make the guy respect me less or see me less as wife potential? I'd not say so, unless he was already kind of neurotic in that way, as in, he had rigid beliefs of gender roles and some Madonna/***** complex or something.



If a guy has disrespect for me because I had sex with him soon, then that is on him. This is not the Victorian era (not that I approve of women going out every weekend and having sex with someone new, just due to safety and diseases and that stuff) and I see nothing wrong with having sex because there are truly sparks and chemistry between two people.


It seems some men are really confused these days. First of all they complain women hold out on sex because they're game playing or something, but if we don't hold out on sex they think we are sluts.


There is no magic formula, nor should it be used as a formula anyways. "Do this and that, in this way, to trick him into committing to you." That's just gross imo.


But if a guy can't get over his archaic and misogynistic beliefs and think I'm a **** because I had sex with him before officially being his girlfriend, and he thinks I go around auctioning off my vagina, then I know he is not the right guy for me anyways.
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Old Today, 07:52 AM
 
Location: In a place beyond human comprehension
7,768 posts, read 4,988,104 times
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I wouldn't say men as a collective are confused it just seems that way because there are different guys saying different variations of the same things. One might believe that women who sleep with them too soon is a harlot and then one completely different guy may believe that if she doesn't put out soon enough, she's playing games. It's not necessarily individual men who believe both view points are true. And I believe that's why so many of them get defensive when they're generalized that way.
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Old Today, 07:55 AM
 
715 posts, read 348,963 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea View Post
I wouldn't say men as a collective are confused it just seems that way because there are different guys saying different variations of the same things. One might believe that women who sleep with them too soon is a harlot and then one completely different guy may believe that if she doesn't put out soon enough, she's playing games. It's not necessarily individual men who believe both view points are true. And I believe that's why so many of them get defensive when they're generalized that way.

Its not all guys, but some. I have talked to some guy who were really confused, trying to hold two conflicting beliefs at once.


Granted, there are some toxic women out there and they may have been burned from some bad experiences.
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