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Old Yesterday, 01:39 PM
 
13,140 posts, read 10,140,192 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
"If you consider a woman less pure after you've touched her, maybe you should take a look at your hands."
~ Kaija Sabbah
Yes!
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Old Yesterday, 01:43 PM
 
718 posts, read 350,919 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
"If you consider a woman less pure after you've touched her, maybe you should take a look at your hands."
~ Kaija Sabbah

This expresses it very well.
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Old Yesterday, 02:30 PM
 
Location: In the Pearl of the Purchase, Ky
7,561 posts, read 13,056,395 times
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Until you're both ready, without the other person pushing you into it
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Old Yesterday, 02:54 PM
 
Location: Texas
10,182 posts, read 3,903,923 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
"If you consider a woman less pure after you've touched her, maybe you should take a look at your hands."
~ Kaija Sabbah
This.
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Old Yesterday, 03:06 PM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,421 posts, read 332,798 times
Reputation: 1242
Building the tension is super fun.......my Bf & I started in a long distance relationship so it was 4 months before we met & we slept together that 1st week we spent together.........

Just make sure you're ready........don't do it because of any time frame or rules........you can get a sense of what feels right & after 4 months of talking to my Bf long distance.....I knew what I felt.......& when I saw him physically for the 1st time, I knew even more...........
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Old Yesterday, 03:08 PM
 
Location: southern california
55,998 posts, read 75,050,144 times
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For most - the cart is in front of the horse
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Old Yesterday, 05:04 PM
 
Location: Coastal Georgia
37,389 posts, read 46,100,281 times
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I already responded, but I’ll add that a lot depends upon your circumstances. In our case, dh and i had been divorced from others for a year. I don’t think either of us had had sex during that time. He was a nice guy and I was nice, too. We met at a party and at the first opportunity, we had sex. It’s not as if we were saving ourselves for something...we were just two healthy, horny 30 somethings.
We got married 7 months later. He’s still nice, and so am I, and it’s been 40 years.
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Old Yesterday, 05:24 PM
 
Location: California
984 posts, read 269,482 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
Agreed. ... I dont get the compatibility rationale either. I think the only time it could be an issue is if someone wants to have more or less sex....the frequency of sex. I mean if she's only in the mood once a month and wants it multiple times a week, then i could see the issue
Yeah that's another big one for sure. Unfortunately, it's very hard to tell how things will be in the beginning. Even if you wait a while to have sex and discuss things beforehand, people aren't always self-aware enough to know. Or they might have had sex a certain amount in the past, but then something changes (hormones, medication side effects etc) and all that is out the window.

Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
To be honest if sex doesn't happen quickly in the relationship I think its a sign of lack of sexual attraction.


If a guy has disrespect for me because I had sex with him soon, then that is on him.
To your first point, that's where communication comes in. I'd always make it clear that I was attracted to the person and interested in having a lot of sex with them in the future. I explain why I wait on sex so they know the reasons behind my views. No one should ever be left in the dark wondering if the other person is attracted to them or not.

To the bolded point, I agree. I don't wait on sex because I'm worried the guy will think badly of me. I wait on sex because I don't want to find out something bad about HIM after already having bonded chemically and hormonally through sex.

Not everyone views sex as a deep and sacred act, but that's an important part of my spirituality, and anyone I would fall in love with would need to respect that and feel the same.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea View Post
One might believe that women who sleep with them too soon is a harlot and then one completely different guy may believe that if she doesn't put out soon enough, she's playing games.
Yep once again this is where straightforward communication comes in. There can be no confusion when one's views on sex are clearly explained from the beginning.

Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
IMO, if a person has some kind of fetish then he should reveal that very early on.
Yeah I agree. It can be difficult to know how you feel about something until you've experienced it though. Through my kinky adventures, I've learned that there are kinks, and then there are KINKS. I have "kinks" but my ex had KINKS. He couldn't function sexually without carrying out his kinks during sex.

I basically wanted a little kinky foreplay and he wanted a full-on production that stood in the way of any sort of normalcy with our sex life. It quickly became exhausting and we split due to incompatibilities.

Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
I've had men disrespect me for having sex too early and I've also been raped by a man who was angry at me for not having sex on the 2nd date. Can't win either way.
Ugh. I'm really sorry.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
I liked about the article that the author was trying to say, "There are other reasons, besides sexual shame or avoiding seeming promiscuous...or manipulating a potential partner (playing games in other words) that it can be a good idea to wait and slow your roll, if you want a successful relationship." I mean paraphrasing of course, but that was a message I was getting and I agree with it.



As for kinks... You know, maybe that is a big part of why most of my male partners were "meh, at best." I do seem to have an optimal type, a certain energy a man must bring to the table. It's not something like, "I cannot get off if you don't play a kazoo during the act" kind of a paraphilia fetish thing... It's just a right blend of emotional honesty, the ability to be vulnerable and still dominant, but never pretentious, playful and a bit sadistic. A very particular blend of ingredients. The kinky middle aged (or older) men that PriscillaVanilla lamented, upthread a bit, are pretty much where my ideal partners will be found. Good thing that there seem to be lids for pots like that, huh?
Yes exactly to the first paragraph. There are many reasons to wait that go beyond those reasons.

My ex was definitely a "play kazoo during the act" sort of fetishist. It got old so fast. I told him "I feel worried we will never be able to have normal, romantic sex" and he said there was nothing he could do. His sexual organs literally wouldn't function unless I was "playing kazoo".

He married someone else a while after I dumped him, so apparently he found his professional kazoo player. lol. I hope they are happy together because he was actually a really good person. Very kind and supportive. I always kind of hated myself that I couldn't muster the will to spend the rest of my life playing kazoo, but I just didn't have it in me.


Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts View Post
I already responded, but Iíll add that a lot depends upon your circumstances. In our case, dh and i had been divorced from others for a year. I donít think either of us had had sex during that time. He was a nice guy and I was nice, too. We met at a party and at the first opportunity, we had sex. Itís not as if we were saving ourselves for something...we were just two healthy, horny 30 somethings.
We got married 7 months later. Heís still nice, and so am I, and itís been 40 years.
You took the risk and it worked out for you, which is awesome. But it is indeed a risk. What if after you'd had sex, you found out something awful about him? Like he was a sex offender or something equally bad?

If you could live with it and move on without it bothering you, then it makes sense you could enjoy casual sex.

What I'm saying is the level of caution someone should have about casual sex should be relative to the amount of pain they'd experience if they later realized the person they'd had sex with wasn't a desirable person to them (in whatever way). To me, sex is the deepest act of sharing that two people can experience. There simply is nothing deeper. So to share that with someone who later turned out to be a bad person would be intensely traumatic to me. I have to be careful who I let close to me because the risk is just too great.
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Old Yesterday, 06:23 PM
 
9,135 posts, read 5,257,672 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
I think any man who holds it against a woman for sleeping with him, too soon, is not relationship material at all.
Agree, and that is something I want to know.
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Old Yesterday, 06:25 PM
 
Location: Texas
10,182 posts, read 3,903,923 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by That_One_Girl View Post

Yeah I agree. It can be difficult to know how you feel about something until you've experienced it though. Through my kinky adventures, I've learned that there are kinks, and then there are KINKS. I have "kinks" but my ex had KINKS. He couldn't function sexually without carrying out his kinks during sex.

I basically wanted a little kinky foreplay and he wanted a full-on production that stood in the way of any sort of normalcy with our sex life. It quickly became exhausting and we split due to incompatibilities.

.
Yes, the kind of kinks that a person considers integral to their emotional well-being, are very tricky to deal with if the other partner doesn't want to. And one of my single friends broke it off with her fiance because he didn't want any actual sex, but wanted the "full-on production" of his kinky desires that she could no longer fulfill for him. I had always wondered why she broke up with him, and she finally told me this.
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