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Old Yesterday, 11:12 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
79,384 posts, read 71,668,399 times
Reputation: 77763

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Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
There probably aren't too many people *demanding* sex that are dating. The answer would be easy ....stop dating them.
Sure there are. They simply keep moving from one prospect to another. And from time to time, they'll find meek, unassertive women, who have been cowed by their own parents while growing up, raised to be easily intimidated, and afraid of their own voice. It's very sad.
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Old Yesterday, 11:19 AM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,423 posts, read 334,854 times
Reputation: 1252
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
Sure there are. They simply keep moving from one prospect to another. And from time to time, they'll find meek, unassertive women, who have been cowed by their own parents while growing up, raised to be easily intimidated, and afraid of their own voice. It's very sad.
Ofc....I used to work with victims of domestic abuse in a women's shelter....BUT I see that as being different than the general subject of how soon should you sleep with a man you're dating..........

If the man is demanding sex....(or anything)....while dating.....it's still an easy solution....leave & don't sleep with him at all......shrugs. That's a problem with self esteem that goes way farther than a decision about how soon is too soon to sleep with a man...........
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Old Yesterday, 11:34 AM
 
Location: East Coast of the United States
17,552 posts, read 19,796,776 times
Reputation: 13466
Quote:
Originally Posted by That_One_Girl View Post
I think that in order to feel romantic or sexual feelings about someone, you must know them.
Really? I usually know within 3 seconds of looking at a woman whether I want to get in bed with her.

I guess I'm a very visual person.
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Old Yesterday, 11:35 AM
 
13,173 posts, read 10,145,543 times
Reputation: 16657
Quote:
Originally Posted by BigCityDreamer View Post
Really? I usually know within 3 seconds of looking at a woman whether I want to get in bed with her.

I guess I'm a very visual person.
And/or the role of sex in your life is different.
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Old Yesterday, 11:54 AM
 
Location: Texas
10,198 posts, read 3,909,513 times
Reputation: 20652
Quote:
Originally Posted by BigCityDreamer View Post
Really? I usually know within 3 seconds of looking at a woman whether I want to get in bed with her.

I guess I'm a very visual person.
Although I'm not saying you acted on these attractions (I don't know). This was an issue for me, on the flip side, as a female; when I was younger, a lot of men felt attracted to me and they would try to get me in bed right off the bat. Would NOT try to get to know me first. Being a young, alluring female can be a disadvantage in some ways. It can sometimes attract the worst types of men - players, etc. Some people do not have to deal with all this in their life. They don't have to learn coping mechanisms for these types of people. So it's easy for them to point the finger and judge women who they see as "sleeping around" or having too many boyfriends.
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Old Yesterday, 12:25 PM
 
Location: East Coast of the United States
17,552 posts, read 19,796,776 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
Although I'm not saying you acted on these attractions (I don't know). This was an issue for me, on the flip side, as a female; when I was younger, a lot of men felt attracted to me and they would try to get me in bed right off the bat. Would NOT try to get to know me first. Being a young, alluring female can be a disadvantage in some ways. It can sometimes attract the worst types of men - players, etc. Some people do not have to deal with all this in their life. They don't have to learn coping mechanisms for these types of people. So it's easy for them to point the finger and judge women who they see as "sleeping around" or having too many boyfriends.
No, I don't usually act on it since that is not socially responsible.

But I am not indecisive about the impulse. That's for sure.
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Old Yesterday, 01:27 PM
 
Location: California
998 posts, read 272,407 times
Reputation: 2846
Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
There probably aren't too many people *demanding* sex that are dating. The answer would be easy ....stop dating them.
There are unfortunately many. Since I've been single, I occasionally talk to men online. I'd say about half of all the guys I've talked to ruined things by getting sexual very early on. As in, we hadn't even met in person and were only chatting.

Even worse, I had told a few of these men that I don't take things to a sexual place unless I'm in love. One still had the nerve to ask me to "get a bottle and hotel room" with him about five minutes after I'd said that.

I seriously don't know what's wrong with some people, but it's scary out there.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BigCityDreamer View Post
Really? I usually know within 3 seconds of looking at a woman whether I want to get in bed with her.

I guess I'm a very visual person.
There's a lot of risk to being that way. What if that gorgeous woman has STDs? Does that change your mind? What if she's a racist? What if she kicks dogs and laughs at homeless people?

When you judge someone based on looks alone, you're basically saying you have no standards. That you desire to sleep with anyone and anything that looks nice. If that's how you roll, more power to you. It's not for me to judge. But recognize that there are risks involved with being that way. Especially if the end goal is falling in love and having a real connection with another human.

Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
And/or the role of sex in your life is different.
Exactly. You can tell so much about a person by their attitudes about stuff like this.

I want to be with a person for whom sex is deep. Someone who lacks an understanding about the depth of the bond created by sexual intercourse is not going to be the right person for me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BigCityDreamer View Post
No, I don't usually act on it since that is not socially responsible.

But I am not indecisive about the impulse. That's for sure.
An impulse is just that. If you're not acting on it, then we don't disagree as much as it seemed.

I have all kinds of insane impulses. I have thoughts of having orgies with random people and all sorts of stuff. I'm very kinky and play out all kinds of fantasies in my head. This isn't about being horny or sexual because most of us are. It's about having standards and self-control.
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Old Yesterday, 01:47 PM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,423 posts, read 334,854 times
Reputation: 1252
Quote:
Originally Posted by That_One_Girl View Post
There are unfortunately many. Since I've been single, I occasionally talk to men online. I'd say about half of all the guys I've talked to ruined things by getting sexual very early on. As in, we hadn't even met in person and were only chatting.

Even worse, I had told a few of these men that I don't take things to a sexual place unless I'm in love. One still had the nerve to ask me to "get a bottle and hotel room" with him about five minutes after I'd said that.

I seriously don't know what's wrong with some people, but it's scary out there.


Ita it can be scary out there......BUT know your audience. When you're online.......& someone gets sexual early on without meeting or talking to you....it's super easy to move on. People aren't usually looking for the same stuff online......so it's important to narrow it down fast IMO.........if a relationship is what you would like.........
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Old Yesterday, 01:55 PM
 
Location: California
998 posts, read 272,407 times
Reputation: 2846
Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
Ita it can be scary out there......BUT know your audience. When you're online.......& someone gets sexual early on without meeting or talking to you....it's super easy to move on. People aren't usually looking for the same stuff online......so it's important to narrow it down fast IMO.........if a relationship is what you would like.........
Yeah for sure. I do explain what I'm about, but some people don't listen. But like you said, easy to move on and there's little risk. Plus it usually makes for a funny story to tell my girlfriends.
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Old Yesterday, 02:45 PM
 
718 posts, read 352,029 times
Reputation: 534
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
Sure there are. They simply keep moving from one prospect to another. And from time to time, they'll find meek, unassertive women, who have been cowed by their own parents while growing up, raised to be easily intimidated, and afraid of their own voice. It's very sad.

This sounds familiar. I'm ashamed to admit this is how I used to be. Only until I was well into my 30s (and now early 40s) that I started to be a bit more assertive.


I'm certain this is exactly why my stalker targeted me. He picked up on a few signals from me that I would be easily intimidated and someone who would take abuse. He also caught me at a transition period though, which is why he got convicted of stalking.
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