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Old Yesterday, 03:11 PM
 
7,844 posts, read 3,080,335 times
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Why did she need $1200, and are you the one paying for all of the airfare?
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Old Yesterday, 03:42 PM
 
26,362 posts, read 28,790,968 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WilliamPe View Post
She is very very into long phone conversations and will rudely hang up on me. She will then call me back some minutes later acting as if nothing happened. When I tell her that is rude and not reasonable instead of talking to me, she says things like "Okay, whatever you want master." I then say " No, I'm not your master. Stop doing that with me and just talk to me instead of cutting things off." Literally things we have said. Some minutes later she is snapping at me and hanging up on me again. This ruins my mood and makes me feel like she doesn't respect me.
If someone treated me like that, I would have ended it a long time ago.

Don't be so desperate. It's better to be alone than to be treated like cr*p just so you can say you're in a relationship.
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Old Yesterday, 03:46 PM
 
26,362 posts, read 28,790,968 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WilliamPe View Post
There is one problem though, I trusted her with some money and she owes me over $1,200. That and the thought of even ending things with her contradicts anything I have ever considered as it hurts to even think about it. Logically it makes sense though because over time she has proven she will not reason with me and only gets worse.
Write it off and cut your losses. Next time don't be so desperate.
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Old Yesterday, 03:52 PM
 
26,362 posts, read 28,790,968 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WilliamPe View Post
Ever since the beginning I have wondered why she still lives with her parents and it correlating to her past relationships. There seems to be a pattern.

Sadly it is looking really bad to me too.
I can guarantee you she's got a pattern, and it's not good.

At this point, it's really not about her and much more about you. You need to ask yourself what's happened in your life that makes you willing to lend $1200 to someone you've only met once,. To be in a long distance relationship where there are multiple warning signs. Yet you persist in allowing her various forms of manipulation. You can keep talking to her until you're blue in the face, but nothing's going to change. You can't seem to be fully willing to admit that to yourself. It's like you're addicted to believing things will be different the next time you have a talk with her. An emotionally healthy person would have walked away from this bad treatment a long time ago.

So, really it's more about you finding out why you put up with such shabby treatment and learning to stop being a doormat.

Last edited by mysticaltyger; Yesterday at 04:10 PM..
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Old Yesterday, 04:31 PM
Status: "I don't FEEL tardy." (set 18 days ago)
 
2,070 posts, read 1,003,282 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mysticaltyger View Post
Write it off and cut your losses. Next time don't be so desperate.
He's likely to use the money--which he will never see again--as his secret excuse to hold on. Hmmmm....in his thirties. Wow.
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Old Yesterday, 04:58 PM
 
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Originally Posted by BobCaldwell View Post
He's likely to use the money--which he will never see again--as his secret excuse to hold on. Hmmmm....in his thirties. Wow.
Yeah, I know. He keeps finding reasons to hold on rather than fully admit the hard truth. Sad and frustrating for the rest of us to witness.
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Old Yesterday, 05:01 PM
 
1,101 posts, read 307,719 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WilliamPe View Post
Well I don't want to get way to specific as the post would become much much longer, but I will say this much...

We are in a long distance relationship and have been with each other in person. I have met her parents. They love me to death.

Sometimes when we are talking, she will suddenly cut our conversation off because her parents are in the room. So with this came the issue that I never brought up to her one day of having privacy. When I asked why wouldn't she go somewhere quiet to talk to me instead of cutting our conversations off it became a problem and to far out her way to do. That in turn left me feeling like she would not go out her way for me and our privacy being a low priority for her. This is where her jokes came into play.

There are other things she has shown where she refuses to go out her way for me that stack with this, but in this particular situation things became rather bad when I began to ask her about her love and why doesn't it motivate her to do things.
Maybe she doesn't have anywhere quiet to go? Maybe her parents would ask her why or get angry? There are many explanations besides "she doesn't love you."


Quote:
Originally Posted by WilliamPe View Post
Although hard to admit, I have been realizing this the past month and agree with what you are saying. I've been completely reasonable/calm with her but it never goes well because well as I have told her, we are not seeing eye to eye...

Deep down I want it to work but that is looking way less likely unless she begins to show more compassion.

Edit: She does not want things to end with us at all, but the lack of compassion on her part is not making me feel well.
You called her a "coldhearted *******." That's "completely reasonable/calm" to you??


Honestly, I expected you to say you two were college kids or something, from the way you both act. This is not the way mature adult relationships are supposed to work, and neither of you are the epitome of maturity. You criticize her for not being lovey-dovey enough, she points out that you can't change her*, then the name-calling starts. This whole thing has more drama than a theater company.

*And she's right, you can't. You DID know what she was like, yet chose to stay. You can't make someone change. If there is something about them that you can't live with, you say goodbye and find someone else who isn't like that. But you don't tell someone they have to become someone else because you want them to. Frankly, we still don't exactly what it is that she does/doesn't do that bothers you, except that she'd rather not talk to you on the phone with her parents listening in-- which just isn't *that* big of a deal-- so we have no idea if you are being reasonable in your complaints or not


She doesn't want it to end? It's not her choice. She only has control over whether *she* ends it, not whether *you* do. If you want to leave, you can leave. Again, this relationship has not even lasted a year. You're not trying to save a 15-year marriage, you're trying to hang onto a short, long-distance thing. Listen to the advice of the song and let it go.


If you keep answering her calls and can't make yourself not do it, then tell her it's over and block her. I don't care if she cries, I don't care if she begs. If you have to, say "It's over, we're through, the end" and then immediately hang up before she can respond, and block.
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Old Yesterday, 05:24 PM
 
26,362 posts, read 28,790,968 times
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Originally Posted by K12144 View Post
Honestly, I expected you to say you two were college kids or something, from the way you both act. This is not the way mature adult relationships are supposed to work, and neither of you are the epitome of maturity. You criticize her for not being lovey-dovey enough, she points out that you can't change her*, then the name-calling starts. This whole thing has more drama than a theater company.
I agree. This really doesn't sound like a relationship that people in their 30s should be having.
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Old Yesterday, 05:34 PM
 
344 posts, read 217,947 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mysticaltyger View Post
I agree. This really doesn't sound like a relationship that people in their 30s should be having.

That really doesn't help the guy out of his situation right now...


Hopefully this will all end up for the best and be a lesson for the future.
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Old Yesterday, 05:52 PM
 
26,362 posts, read 28,790,968 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Max_is_here View Post
That really doesn't help the guy out of his situation right now...
I agree. It doesn't in a very immediate sense. But the point of the comment was to get him to do some self reflection and ask himself why he is in such a relationship that most people outgrow by the time they're his age. In the long run, my hope is that some self reflection will help him not only to get out of such drama, but to be able to avoid it in the first place--because he's fixed some things within himself. If he doesn't know why he puts up with such behavior, he's likely to keep repeating the pattern.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Max_is_here View Post
Hopefully this will all end up for the best and be a lesson for the future.
One can hope.
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