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Old Today, 07:58 AM
Status: "I don't FEEL tardy." (set 18 days ago)
 
2,071 posts, read 1,003,282 times
Reputation: 5702

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Quote:
Originally Posted by old_cold View Post
I know, but he's threatened to.
His last post, however, makes it sound like he only came on here so people would encourage him to keep doing what he's been doing so...adios from me.
Exactly. "You're not saying what I want to hear. I'm trying my best to hold on to this...whatever this is, and I need more encouragement."
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Old Today, 07:59 AM
 
29 posts, read 2,044 times
Reputation: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by Formerly Known As Twenty View Post
What do you mean by "carelessness?" Financial carelessness? Careless behavior? Taking people who are in her life for granted?
She does not take people in her life for granted at all.
Careless behavior is mainly what I meant.
We have only exchanged a couple of words about Financial issues.
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Old Today, 08:04 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
44,012 posts, read 42,602,465 times
Reputation: 85098
This:

Quote:
Originally Posted by WilliamPe View Post
Guess I'm just a dummy with a heart. I hope she can come through. She was frantic, very frantic. I was absolutely set on cancelling my flight, but the fact she is so willing to be there for me as she says kind of makes that decision almost impossibly hard for me to make.
... is what I tried to warn you about yesterday, that you would need a plan to deal with her emotional reaction to your desire to end things.

But you didn't. She got frantic, and you caved. She is manipulating you like a spoiled child manipulates her parents.


Quote:
Originally Posted by WilliamPe View Post
We have only exchanged a couple of words about Financial issues.
That doesn't jibe with what you wrote here:

Quote:
Originally Posted by WilliamPe View Post
Yes, we are very well aware of our financial statuses. Overall in the relationship she wants me to handle the money and really is not in any financial trouble of her own by a long shot. She has expressed she feels I am far more responsible and have more knowledge with money. I know this gives room for people to come at me about the money I gave her, but in that situation i was necessary.
Maybe you meant you have only argued about money a few times, but you have discussed your financial situations?

The money per se is not the issue but rather how you two approach conflict. She is immature in that regard, obviously dependent on her parents and now willing to be dependent on you and just "let you handle it." I'm sure that sounds enticing to you, but in the end it will just feel like you have a literal dependent.

You're not dealing with a grown-up here, William.
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Old Today, 08:06 AM
 
7,065 posts, read 2,552,986 times
Reputation: 16176
Quote:
Originally Posted by WilliamPe View Post
It's not awesome at all. She even came at my dad because he was telling me that things did not seem well.

They are firing offenses and if I did not love her there would have never been a conversation or any patience for it. Instead it is leaving me miserable.




I feel it is unacceptable too but have repeatedly tried to talk to her in a reasonable loving way. She just can't find it in her heart.

There is one problem though, I trusted her with some money and she owes me over $1,200. That and the thought of even ending things with her contradicts anything I have ever considered as it hurts to even think about it. Logically it makes sense though because over time she has proven she will not reason with me and only gets worse.

She makes you miserable, and seems to enjoy doing it. I don't understand why you're willing to put up with it.


You know...way back in the day, I dated a guy who was a farmer, and he lived about 2 hours away. While I was not cruel to him, like your GF is to you, it eventually became clear to me that I DID NOT WANT to continue this relationship. For a lot of reasons, it just wasn't working.


I would put off talking to him, I would keep conversations short, one weekend I got the flu (I really did get the flu) and I was glad that we wouldn't be seeing each other, and I used that flu as an excuse for about a month. At Christmas time, I couldn't stand the idea of seeing him, and told him I HAD to do a family thing with my kids' ex and his family. IF I got back at a reasonable time, we could see each other.


I thought I made sure I did NOT get back at a reasonable time...but turn into my driveway, and guess who's there? It being Christmas time, my sister and her family was there as well...and good ol Lenny. He had ignored my wishes and he took that 2 hour drive. Because it was late, he ended up sleeping over.


Seems like the more I tried to pull back, the needier he got. I ended up formally breaking up with him about a week later. I just...couldn't hardly stand him anymore. I had written him a letter. He couldn't accept the letter, and tried to call and talk a few times. I wouldn't take his calls. Then he tried to call me at work a couple of times. A friend at work answered once, and told him I had quit. That seemed to finally make him stop trying to contact me.


I wasn't mean or hateful, like your GF has been...but I have the sense that she's feeling like I felt with Lenny. I think your GF is over you. Maybe it's the long distance thing. But I think in her heart of hearts...she's checked out.
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Old Today, 08:10 AM
 
29 posts, read 2,044 times
Reputation: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy View Post
She makes you miserable, and seems to enjoy doing it. I don't understand why you're willing to put up with it.

I wasn't mean or hateful, like your GF has been...but I have the sense that she's feeling like I felt with Lenny. I think your GF is over you. Maybe it's the long distance thing. But I think in her heart of hearts...she's checked out.
It's hard to explain why I put up with it except I am forgiving.

Yesterday I was trying to check out and she was hanging onto my ankles screaming love at me while crying. Kind of hard to ignore.
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Old Today, 08:14 AM
 
29 posts, read 2,044 times
Reputation: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
This:



... is what I tried to warn you about yesterday, that you would need a plan to deal with her emotional reaction to your desire to end things.

But you didn't. She got frantic, and you caved. She is manipulating you like a spoiled child manipulates her parents.




That doesn't jibe with what you wrote here:



Maybe you meant you have only argued about money a few times, but you have discussed your financial situations?

The money per se is not the issue but rather how you two approach conflict. She is immature in that regard, obviously dependent on her parents and now willing to be dependent on you and just "let you handle it." I'm sure that sounds enticing to you, but in the end it will just feel like you have a literal dependent.

You're not dealing with a grown-up here, William.
I get what you are saying, but I meant that we have only exchanged a couple of words in disagreement about money. Nothing really major except for "I said this" and "No you didn't say this" type of deal that was just a mishap of memory.

I just can't hurt a person like that. Especially her at this moment with her trying.
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Old Today, 08:14 AM
 
707 posts, read 219,656 times
Reputation: 1938
Quote:
Originally Posted by WilliamPe View Post
It's hard to explain why I put up with it except I am forgiving.

Yesterday I was trying to check out and she was hanging onto my ankles screaming love at me while crying. Kind of hard to ignore.
Given the limitations of distance, the physical part of what you wrote was impossible, but was she truly crying and screaming at you? Oy vey.
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Old Today, 08:15 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
44,012 posts, read 42,602,465 times
Reputation: 85098
Quote:
Originally Posted by WilliamPe View Post

...except I am forgiving.
I think this ^^ is a euphemism. You can forgive someone's mistreatment without accepting it, and what you're doing is telling her that as long as she begs and cries, you will continue to accept it.

You say you can't "hurt" a person like that, yet you are perfectly willing to allow yourself to be hurt over and over as long as she cries and fake-promises to stop.

It's not healthy.

Do you not see it?
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Old Today, 08:17 AM
 
29 posts, read 2,044 times
Reputation: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by Formerly Known As Twenty View Post
Given the limitations of distance, the physical part of what you wrote was impossible, but was she truly crying and screaming at you? Oy vey.
It was meant as a metaphor and could almost be applied to what I feel would have happened if we were in each other's physical presence. She was not screaming, but she was really pushing the fact that she loves me and was sorry.
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Old Today, 08:19 AM
 
709 posts, read 348,963 times
Reputation: 519
Quote:
Originally Posted by WilliamPe View Post
It's hard to explain why I put up with it except I am forgiving.

Yesterday I was trying to check out and she was hanging onto my ankles screaming love at me while crying. Kind of hard to ignore.

She's manipulating you. I know its hard to ignore but its what you have to do.


My stalker used to do the same thing to me, to force me to talk to him. He would throw tantrums and it would frighten me, so I would cave and talk to him. But in the end it just delayed the inevitable.


Its hard to ignore someone who is throwing a tantrum but its what you have to do. I am sure in parenting classes they teach this when dealing with tantruming 2 year olds. If you give in, you are just reinforcing the behavior and they know they can control you this way.


Not to compare your girlfriend to a 2 year old, but the same psychology holds.
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