Girlfriend is Turning Cold and Being Destructive to Our Relationship (married, children)
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At this very moment things are strictly over the phone and video. I am supposed to take a flight up to where she lives Wednesday for 9 days and she is supposed to come back with me for a week. It will be the second time we would be together in person.
She is very very into long phone conversations and will rudely hang up on me. She will then call me back some minutes later acting as if nothing happened. When I tell her that is rude and not reasonable instead of talking to me, she says things like "Okay, whatever you want master." I then say " No, I'm not your master. Stop doing that with me and just talk to me instead of cutting things off." Literally things we have said. Some minutes later she is snapping at me and hanging up on me again. This ruins my mood and makes me feel like she doesn't respect me.
William, I shouldn't have to tell you that you need to cancel this trip.
No good will come from you two being together. It will only confuse you and prolong your misery. The stuff you've described is unacceptable. Completely.
Call her today and tell her you can't go forward.
It will be easier and healthier for you to deal with your sadness than to subject yourself to more disrespect.
None of this sounds awesome... and when I say "none", I mean it.
I think I'd be looking for greener pastures if I were in your position. Any one of the things she's said to you should be firing offenses, IMO.
It's not awesome at all. She even came at my dad because he was telling me that things did not seem well.
They are firing offenses and if I did not love her there would have never been a conversation or any patience for it. Instead it is leaving me miserable.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle
William, I shouldn't have to tell you that you need to cancel this trip.
No good will come from you two being together. It will only confuse you and prolong your misery. The stuff you've described is unacceptable. Completely.
Call her today and tell her you can't go forward.
It will be easier and healthier for you to deal with your sadness than to subject yourself to more disrespect.
I feel it is unacceptable too but have repeatedly tried to talk to her in a reasonable loving way. She just can't find it in her heart.
There is one problem though, I trusted her with some money and she owes me over $1,200. That and the thought of even ending things with her contradicts anything I have ever considered as it hurts to even think about it. Logically it makes sense though because over time she has proven she will not reason with me and only gets worse.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 1 day ago)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WilliamPe
It's not awesome at all. She even came at my dad because he was telling me that things did not seem well.
They are firing offenses and if I did not love her there would have never been a conversation or any patience for it. Instead it is leaving me miserable.
I feel it is unacceptable too but have repeatedly tried to talk to her in a reasonable loving way. She just can't find it in her heart.
There is one problem though, I trusted her with some money and she owes me over $1,200. That and the thought of even ending things with her contradicts anything I have ever considered as it hurts to even think about it. Logically it makes sense though because over time she has proven she will not reason with me and only gets worse.
William, I shouldn't have to tell you that you need to cancel this trip.
No good will come from you two being together. It will only confuse you and prolong your misery. The stuff you've described is unacceptable. Completely.
I must also mention she tells me she needs to touch and feel me to express the love she has, but to me there should be no reason she can't do it over the phone either because after all she is still talking to me. It also seems like an excuse.
I just know even if miraculously she can make up for all this in person, it has left me feeling horrible and I'm not sure if I can feel happy. You know... The happy feelings of love before all this happened...
Sometimes when we are talking, she will suddenly cut our conversation off because her parents are in the room. So with this came the issue that I never brought up to her one day of having privacy. When I asked why wouldn't she go somewhere quiet to talk to me instead of cutting our conversations off it became a problem and to far out her way to do. That in turn left me feeling like she would not go out her way for me and our privacy being a low priority for her. This is where her jokes came into play.
Does she live with her parents? Or, do they live with her?
I must also mention she tells me she needs to touch and feel me to express the love she has, but to me there should be no reason she can't do it over the phone either because after all she is still talking to me. It also seems like an excuse.
That's why you have to cancel the trip. That ^^ is manipulation. Sounds like she is just taking advantage of your desire to have sex.
"I'm much nicer and more loving in person." Yeah right.
You probably won't like this, but you need to pay attention. Right now the money is not your biggest concern. Put that on the back burner. Ending this toxic relationship is your priority.
It doesn't matter how many times you try to talk to her "lovingly." The time for that has passed. It's time to be businesslike now, stick to your guns and tell her you are done with the relationship because you do not see improvement, you only see a vicious cycle of disrespect.
Honestly, it's starting to sound co-dependent.
Tell your dad, and see what he says.
After you break up, if you REALLY want to, you can take her to small claims court for the $1200 if she doesn't do the right thing and pay you back.
But forget the money for now. It is NO reason to stay together, and if you go there to see her, she will only continue to take advantage of you and drag you around by your tail.
Does she live with her parents? Or, do they live with her?
She lives with them.
That was really something that escalated into something I feel should have never happened and by default should have never been as big of an issue as it was. The root of which being about unwillingness to go out her way and privacy which is readily available to her without much effort. It became a conversation about love and the importance of going out the way for each other. Things at that time she began to make jokes , laugh, and complain about. All things that really made me feel like love "or lack thereof" is not something that motivates her to go out her way to do things. When it came to this subject it was like walking into the Artic, completely cold and harmful.
That's why you have to cancel the trip. That ^^ is manipulation. Sounds like she is just taking advantage of your desire to have sex.
"I'm much nicer and more loving in person." Yeah right.
You probably won't like this, but you need to pay attention. Right now the money is not your biggest concern. Put that on the back burner. Ending this toxic relationship is your priority.
It doesn't matter how many times you try to talk to her "lovingly." The time for that has passed. It's time to be businesslike now, stick to your guns and tell her you are done with the relationship because you do not see improvement, you only see a vicious cycle of disrespect.
Honestly, it's starting to sound co-dependent.
Tell your dad, and see what he says.
After you break up, if you REALLY want to, you can take her to small claims court for the $1200 if she doesn't do the right thing and pay you back.
But forget the money for now. It is NO reason to stay together, and if you go there to see her, she will only continue to take advantage of you and drag you around by your tail.
I promised her I would not end things, but in a way it is almost as if she is taking advantage as you say.
It is a decision between value of keeping my word or dignity. There is also the factor of hope which I can't seem to let go of.
I understand though. It is a vicious disregardful cycle of disrespect that is leaving me feeling bad.
The other day she told me to do whatever feels right and when I went to cancel the flights, she begged me not to crying but then it always comes back to that cycle that just keeps getting worse and more harmful.
As for the small claims court case I probably need proof which I have none... It was only trust that made me do that.
I promised her I would not end things, but in a way it is almost as if she is taking advantage as you say.
Has she not promised to "be better" along the way, which she also has broken too? You didn't sign up for a lifetime of verbal abuse. That revokes the promise.
Quote:
Originally Posted by WilliamPe
It is a decision between value of keeping my word or dignity. There is also the factor of hope which I can't seem to let go of.
Then I'll just go ahead and tell you ... this is hopeless. She has PROVEN to you that she won't change.
Quote:
Originally Posted by WilliamPe
I understand though. It is a vicious disregardful cycle of disrespect that is leaving me feeling bad.
The other day she told me to do whatever feels right and when I went to cancel the flights, she begged me not to crying but then it always comes back to that cycle that just keeps getting worse and more harmful.
More manipulation. She's immature. Not fit for a committed relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by WilliamPe
As for the small claims court case I probably need proof which I have none...
Then consider it a very expensive life lesson and do not let it factor into your decision to break up.
You will need to be strong, and you may have to prepare yourself to block her number because she doesn't sound like the type to take the high road and bow out gracefully.
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