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Old Yesterday, 08:11 PM
 
9,122 posts, read 5,254,529 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Singlemom001 View Post
I am a 40 year old mother- and currently in the dating world. I struggle with jealousy and obsessive thoughts. Iíll try my best to get straight to the point. I think all men cheat and want really young women (like teenagers). As you can imagine this is a huge barrier to me having a happy relationship. Two questions for those reading this- are there are other women who also have these beliefs? If so, how do yuunhandle this if you are married? Men- is it a struggle to not think sexual thoughts when you see a young atttactive female? I am not attacking men- so please do not criticize me for asking these questions. This is a real struggle for me. I have a teenage daughter of which Iíve vowed that no man Iím dating will ever meet her. Your advice is greatly appreciated.
No, all men do not cheat. Men are wired differently than are women; looking at women and possibly finding them attractive is completely normal (for a straight male). It doesn't mean he is trying to bed every woman he finds attractive.

Are you jealous of your teen-aged daughter?
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Old Yesterday, 09:58 PM
 
9 posts, read 322 times
Reputation: 20
ClaraC- I am very protective of my daughter and donít want anything to happen to her. I am not jealous of her- itís my false beliefs that men want younger women is why I stated I donít want to introduce the person Iím dating to my kids anymore. When she was several years younger- I actually had a situation where I did introduce someone I was dating to my kids and it didnít go well. My daughter even told me at the end of the visit that she felt very uncomfortable around him. I havenít talked to him since. I also know that step dads are some of the biggest perpetrators regarding molestation. I am not saying that all step dads are pedophiles- but look at the facts.

I believe my issues with trust and jealousy stem from things that happened with my family while growing up. Reading these comments definitely helps me see how skewed my views are. I donít want to think these things- itís mental torture. Anyway, thanks again to all who have replied. I donít find any of the cat comments offensive- itís funny actually. I am going to focus on getting better and not date.
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Old Yesterday, 10:27 PM
 
9 posts, read 322 times
Reputation: 20
Hmm- I replied in length but do not see it now. Before responding again to the new posts Iím going to see if this one goes through.
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Old Yesterday, 10:30 PM
 
9 posts, read 322 times
Reputation: 20
Okay- my reply did post. I appreciate all of you who took the time to respond.
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Old Yesterday, 10:43 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
79,355 posts, read 71,628,818 times
Reputation: 77678
Quote:
Originally Posted by Singlemom001 View Post
I am a 40 year old mother- and currently in the dating world. I struggle with jealousy and obsessive thoughts. Iíll try my best to get straight to the point. I think all men cheat and want really young women (like teenagers). As you can imagine this is a huge barrier to me having a happy relationship. Two questions for those reading this- are there are other women who also have these beliefs? If so, how do yuunhandle this if you are married? Men- is it a struggle to not think sexual thoughts when you see a young atttactive female? I am not attacking men- so please do not criticize me for asking these questions. This is a real struggle for me. I have a teenage daughter of which Iíve vowed that no man Iím dating will ever meet her. Your advice is greatly appreciated.
OP, just off the top of my head, I'd say it sounds like you might be suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress for some sex-related incident or traumatic cheating incident. I know I'm going out on a limb here, but that's what it sounds like. Whether I'm right or not, you need therapy for the obsessive thoughts and fears. I'm guessing that counselors specializing in trauma would be able to help you best. Good luck!
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Old Today, 08:15 AM
 
9 posts, read 322 times
Reputation: 20
Hmm- this could be possible. I have been cheated on- but so have many people and they are able to trust again. I don’t want to go down a rabbit hole or sound like woe is me- but I was in a verbally abusuve marriage for 7 years. I do realize this could contribute significantly to a low self esteem.
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Old Today, 08:32 AM
 
10,793 posts, read 4,359,826 times
Reputation: 27195
Quote:
Originally Posted by Singlemom001 View Post
ClaraC- I am very protective of my daughter and donít want anything to happen to her. I am not jealous of her- itís my false beliefs that men want younger women is why I stated I donít want to introduce the person Iím dating to my kids anymore. When she was several years younger- I actually had a situation where I did introduce someone I was dating to my kids and it didnít go well. My daughter even told me at the end of the visit that she felt very uncomfortable around him. I havenít talked to him since. I also know that step dads are some of the biggest perpetrators regarding molestation. I am not saying that all step dads are pedophiles- but look at the facts.

I believe my issues with trust and jealousy stem from things that happened with my family while growing up. Reading these comments definitely helps me see how skewed my views are. I donít want to think these things- itís mental torture. Anyway, thanks again to all who have replied. I donít find any of the cat comments offensive- itís funny actually. I am going to focus on getting better and not date.
Thank you. That's why I asked for clarification. ;D

I don't think you're wrong about men, in general. Most men DO desire attractive much younger women but don't act on it, ever. It's just an unmet desire.

And you're right to be wary of boyfriends and stepdads. A lot of sexual abuse occurs of children in those situations.
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Old Today, 09:28 AM
 
Location: Connecticut
377 posts, read 111,611 times
Reputation: 282
Quote:
Originally Posted by Singlemom001 View Post
I am a 40 year old mother- and currently in the dating world. I struggle with jealousy and obsessive thoughts. I’ll try my best to get straight to the point. I think all men cheat and want really young women (like teenagers). As you can imagine this is a huge barrier to me having a happy relationship. Two questions for those reading this- are there are other women who also have these beliefs? If so, how do yuunhandle this if you are married? Men- is it a struggle to not think sexual thoughts when you see a young atttactive female? I am not attacking men- so please do not criticize me for asking these questions. This is a real struggle for me. I have a teenage daughter of which I’ve vowed that no man I’m dating will ever meet her. Your advice is greatly appreciated.



- Not all men cheat, nor are they constantly looking for ways to cheat on their SO


- We as men may glance or look at a younger woman, but it won't be a woman in their teens. Wandering eyes are one thing, but it doesn't mean a guy will up and leave you over it. I'm sure you've drooled over a few men in your day, relationship or not. Could be a co-worker, or it could be Brad Pitt. Thinking and acting on it are two different things.


- If you're going to have a serious relationship with someone, at some point they will need to meet your daughter. It's a little disrespectful to keep it hush and hide it from her. Does she live with you, or your ex? Will you have to sneak him around so she doesn't see him? That'll get old fast, and no guy will pout up with that forever.





Also, by saying all men cheat and want younger women, you actually are attacking men. You wouldn't like it if you got lumped into a broad generalization someone made about women would you? So why do it to us, especially when you know that all guys aren't the same? I'm sure you know there is someone waiting for you, so try to have an open mind. Also, I agree with everyone who said you should see a therapist. You clearly have some issues from your past that is giving you this skewed mindset. You're in no shape to date as of now. Any guy who gets to know you is going to head for the hills until you fix your attitude.
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Old Today, 09:29 AM
 
Location: Connecticut
377 posts, read 111,611 times
Reputation: 282
Also, work on the jealousy. That's another bad trait that will make anyone call it quits with you.
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Old Today, 10:40 AM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,405 posts, read 330,602 times
Reputation: 1225
Quote:
Originally Posted by Singlemom001 View Post
I am a 40 year old mother- and currently in the dating world. I struggle with jealousy and obsessive thoughts. Iíll try my best to get straight to the point. I think all men cheat and want really young women (like teenagers). As you can imagine this is a huge barrier to me having a happy relationship. Two questions for those reading this- are there are other women who also have these beliefs? If so, how do yuunhandle this if you are married? Men- is it a struggle to not think sexual thoughts when you see a young atttactive female? I am not attacking men- so please do not criticize me for asking these questions. This is a real struggle for me. I have a teenage daughter of which Iíve vowed that no man Iím dating will ever meet her. Your advice is greatly appreciated.
All men don't cheat........& you don't sound anywhere near ready to be dating IMO...BUT the biggest problem is that you are passing this lack of self esteem & your obsessive beliefs about *all men* onto your daughter.........so get therapy to help yourself & to help her...........
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