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Old Yesterday, 02:01 PM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,421 posts, read 332,798 times
Reputation: 1242

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Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve View Post
Having been in the dating world for the past years I have to agree - almost everyone is cheating or is trying to cheat. Most guys are still too cozy with an ex. Drool over and contact people on social media to have an online affair and alot of older people refuse to date their own age because "everyone else at my age is already fat and ugly."



It is really, really difficult to find a good person nowadays. I hear this complaint from women AND men.
Ita it can be hard....& sometimes, like me, you gotta find your frog 1st before you can find your prince.....

IMO....you have to be happy with yourself .....& be willing to give of yourself......so many people put masks on because they are wounded & they are afraid they will get hurt again...or think that all males...or all females....are gonna cheat.....

Most of all, take your time & listen to your gut..........
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Old Yesterday, 02:04 PM
 
Location: Colorado
12,275 posts, read 7,507,917 times
Reputation: 22050
Not getting heated in the slightest, but in her OP, she brought up both things. She is afraid of men cheating, she's afraid of men being attracted to her daughter...

Honestly I think it comes down to struggling with having faith in men. That there are good men who will neither cheat nor have inappropriate thoughts about her child...and even if there are, will she find one, and even if she does, can she trust him, believe that he is truly one of the good ones, or will these kinds of insecurities and fears ruin it anyhow?

It is all connected. She has not seen the best of men. She she's asking if she will ever be able to trust one enough to have a good, loving relationship. But beneath that, there is the question of whether she can trust herself? Can she trust herself enough to choose well? Does she trust that she is worthy of the love of a good man? Does she trust herself enough to receive it without unfounded suspicion ruining it? Lots of questions there, implied and unspoken, but they are what I was hearing anyways. And also, if she was out of line for worrying about such things, as so many come here to say, "I feel this way, am I crazy?" No. No, she isn't crazy at all. Her concerns are valid ones, but she needs to find a way to not let them rule her roost. And the solution to most of it, in my opinion, is simply...time.

EDIT: lol look at us, having basically the same thought at the same time!

Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
Ita it can be hard....& sometimes, like me, you gotta find your frog 1st before you can find your prince.....

IMO....you have to be happy with yourself .....& be willing to give of yourself......so many people put masks on because they are wounded & they are afraid they will get hurt again...or think that all males...or all females....are gonna cheat.....

Most of all, take your time & listen to your gut..........
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Old Yesterday, 02:09 PM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,421 posts, read 332,798 times
Reputation: 1242
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
Not getting heated in the slightest, but in her OP, she brought up both things. She is afraid of men cheating, she's afraid of men being attracted to her daughter...

Honestly I think it comes down to struggling with having faith in men. That there are good men who will neither cheat nor have inappropriate thoughts about her child...and even if there are, will she find one, and even if she does, can she trust him, believe that he is truly one of the good ones, or will these kinds of insecurities and fears ruin it anyhow?

It is all connected. She has not seen the best of men. She she's asking if she will ever be able to trust one enough to have a good, loving relationship. But beneath that, there is the question of whether she can trust herself? Can she trust herself enough to choose well? Does she trust that she is worthy of the love of a good man? Does she trust herself enough to receive it without unfounded suspicion ruining it? Lots of questions there, implied and unspoken, but they are what I was hearing anyways. And also, if she was out of line for worrying about such things, as so many come here to say, "I feel this way, am I crazy?" No. No, she isn't crazy at all. Her concerns are valid ones, but she needs to find a way to not let them rule her roost. And the solution to most of it, in my opinion, is simply...time.

EDIT: lol look at us, having basically the same thought at the same time!

Lol...yes...time & she shouldn't be introducing men she is dating to her daughter anyway IMO....

I dunno about faith in men....cause there are lots of bad ones out there......but faith in ourselves we are smart enough, pretty enough, sexy enough....to make good decisions about who we date........men will tell who you they are eventually.....good or bad............

It all goes back to being independent & wanting a man.......not needing one........& that will help us choose better...........
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Old Yesterday, 02:19 PM
 
23 posts, read 967 times
Reputation: 24
Wow. Well, I can get jealous but i don't think men only want young girls. I used to have a lot of boyfriend's that lied an cheated.... So maybe that's why i always make comments to my now husband that hes with someone else... Eventhough i don't really think that. Its a self esteem issue for sure. But you thinking that your in competition with your daughter... That's super left field.
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Old Yesterday, 02:23 PM
 
Location: Colorado
12,275 posts, read 7,507,917 times
Reputation: 22050
Oh, and OP?

If you have never seen a movie called "Lolita" with Jeremy Irons in it, please do yourself a HUGE favor and never, ever watch that film.
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Old Yesterday, 03:34 PM
 
11,928 posts, read 2,954,363 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
I was a teenager of the 90's.
As a very sexual, aggressive, and promiscuous teen later, around 15-16, I seduced adult men deliberately sometimes.

I suspect many of Jeffrey Epstein's 'victims' were similar. They were poor, uneducated, enjoyed the attention, the money, the travel, meeting famous people.and having sex with them. The ones who were really upset mentioned it right away, like an artist whose last name is Farmer, whom Epstein locked up in his house and who later, with Ghislaine, seduced and molested her younger sister. They didn't stick around!

Of course, it doesn't matter if the girls were willing because they were legally underage. They'll all be coming forward for cash settlements now and I certainly don't fault them for that.
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Old Yesterday, 03:55 PM
 
Location: Colorado
12,275 posts, read 7,507,917 times
Reputation: 22050
Quote:
Originally Posted by PilgrimsProgress View Post
I suspect many of Jeffrey Epstein's 'victims' were similar. They were poor, uneducated, enjoyed the attention, the money, the travel, meeting famous people.and having sex with them. The ones who were really upset mentioned it right away, like an artist whose last name is Farmer, whom Epstein locked up in his house and who later, with Ghislaine, seduced and molested her younger sister. They didn't stick around!

Of course, it doesn't matter if the girls were willing because they were legally underage. They'll all be coming forward for cash settlements now and I certainly don't fault them for that.
Mm...it ain't quite the same. For a whoooollllle bunch of reasons. I always felt I had the upper hand, and looking back, I do not revise that opinion in the slightest. My case was unusual. And it has no particular bearing on the OP's situation anyhow, except to say that there are adult men who find teen girls attractive, and who will, given enough assurance of safety (or not, at times, I guess) act on that.

I don't think that they are most men. But they're out there.

For what it's worth though, under the circumstances of my case, using some poor dumb fella for free pizza is one thing. Not a chance I'd have gotten the law involved, then or now, hell I wouldn't even call these guys out by name. I don't see them as predators, just...stupid.
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Old Yesterday, 04:01 PM
 
7,602 posts, read 11,708,992 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Singlemom001 View Post
I am a 40 year old mother- and currently in the dating world. I struggle with jealousy and obsessive thoughts. I’ll try my best to get straight to the point. I think all men cheat and want really young women (like teenagers). As you can imagine this is a huge barrier to me having a happy relationship. Two questions for those reading this- are there are other women who also have these beliefs? If so, how do yuunhandle this if you are married? Men- is it a struggle to not think sexual thoughts when you see a young atttactive female? I am not attacking men- so please do not criticize me for asking these questions. This is a real struggle for me. I have a teenage daughter of which I’ve vowed that no man I’m dating will ever meet her. Your advice is greatly appreciated.
Most men want to (instinctively) have sex with other women, but it doesn't mean that they will.

I want to buy a guitar every time one plays well, but that doesn't mean that I will.

Also, keep in mind, most women don't want to have sex with most guys.

It's pretty darn easy in my mind to spot guys who WON'T cheat. Spotting guys who will cheat is a little trickier.

Some people just have a built in sense of loyalty, others don't.

But really, I would say for most middle aged men (37+) it's pretty rare to come into opportunity even to cheat unless THEY initiate it.

Not saying that (as a fellow man) that I can always pick out the guys who initiate it, but I can typically pick up the guys who won't. I'd say 9 out of 10 times I'd be able to call it.

Women who are that bad at it makes me think that they really know the guy is a high risk to cheat, but they just find him that much more desirable than the guy who won't.
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Old Yesterday, 04:23 PM
 
3,902 posts, read 1,809,624 times
Reputation: 7724
Quote:
Originally Posted by Singlemom001 View Post
I am a 40 year old mother- and currently in the dating world. I struggle with jealousy and obsessive thoughts. I’ll try my best to get straight to the point. I think all men cheat and want really young women (like teenagers). As you can imagine this is a huge barrier to me having a happy relationship. Two questions for those reading this- are there are other women who also have these beliefs? If so, how do yuunhandle this if you are married? Men- is it a struggle to not think sexual thoughts when you see a young atttactive female? I am not attacking men- so please do not criticize me for asking these questions. This is a real struggle for me. I have a teenage daughter of which I’ve vowed that no man I’m dating will ever meet her. Your advice is greatly appreciated.
There are two issues here.

1. Your jealousy and your feeling that all men cheat. Your feelings, which are extreme and not supported by facts, are yours to deal with. I hope for your sake and for the sake of any man you might date, that you do deal with those feelings, and I think you will need some professional counseling to sort this out.

2. Your concern for your daughter. I have two daughters, and while they're young adults, I empathize with your concern and it never entirely goes away. Please don't let your fears impede your daughter's life, though. See #1.
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Old Yesterday, 04:25 PM
 
Location: Fairfax, VA
868 posts, read 711,625 times
Reputation: 1029
Quote:
Originally Posted by Singlemom001 View Post
...Why should I be threatened by my SO finding someone attractive. ...
Because it makes you feel unattractive. When/if you overcome that, your problem will be solved.
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