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Old Today, 10:21 AM
 
18 posts, read 1,201 times
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Rbccl- I have had times where I’ve been uncomfortable with questions or comments about my daughter. One of my male friends was talking about her reaching puberty and it turned my stomach. Maybe I’m a total prude.. I have no plans on marrying ever again. I guess I don’t see the need for introductions if I’m not going to get married.
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Old Today, 10:26 AM
 
18 posts, read 1,201 times
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Sonic_Spork, I have my kids half of the week. When I am with them, I only focus on them. When my kids are with their dad, this is when I’ve dated. So it’s been easy to keep the two separate. Sorry to hear what happened to you when you were a teenager- geez. But back to your comment- the relationship I have with my kids will always be #1.
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Old Today, 10:33 AM
 
7,849 posts, read 3,083,151 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Singlemom001 View Post
Rbccl- I have had times where Iíve been uncomfortable with questions or comments about my daughter. One of my male friends was talking about her reaching puberty and it turned my stomach. Maybe Iím a total prude.. I have no plans on marrying ever again. I guess I donít see the need for introductions if Iím not going to get married.
I wasn't interested in dating though, either. My ex only saw his/our daughter for like 4 hours one day since 2007....so during her teenage years I didn't have any free time any way! You'll see how fast time flies, I was much more ready to meet men when my head was on straight. I don't get the leaping into a new relationship after a failed one, I would've had all the same misconceptions and insecurities.
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Old Today, 11:17 AM
 
Location: Colorado
12,276 posts, read 7,507,917 times
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Oh wow, OP, you've already been divorced for 8 years?? (I may have missed that if you said so before, sorry.)

OK, well in that case, I'm going to go ahead with some of the other folks and say that therapy might be a good idea. I mean, there is nothing wrong with waiting until the kids are grown, but you've already been alone 8 whole years, so in terms of your OWN healing, it's not like you're right out of a marriage. But it is good that you are at least self aware enough to realize that the pervasive sense of mistrust that "all men" like younger women/girls, and therefore will cheat and possibly even be a threat to your daughter... No, really, it isn't all men at all, it's probably less than half that will cheat, and a far, far smaller percentage who would be inappropriate to your daughter. This paranoia is unrealistic and it won't be helpful to you in the long run. Not to mention, it's rather unkind to the many good men in the world, to judge them all thusly, and I think you know that, too.

Just remember, your caution should be the "seatbelt policy" right? The odds are not great, but the stakes are high. Just be careful, is all.

The key to knowing if you've got a "good one" or a "bad one" is to take your time in forming any relationship, and keep your eyes and ears open, and communicate. Give and demand honesty.

It is very good to hear that you devote a lot of time to your kids. To be honest, in everything that happened to me as a teenager, the things that "people" in general would hear and assume were traumatic...were not really all that traumatic to me, but losing the time and engagement that my Mom once gave me when she got intense with a man, really hurt. It sounds like you have a very good handle on your priorities though, and I'm sure that you won't have that problem.
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Old Today, 01:04 PM
 
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I can see how you didn’t have time to date with having your daughter full time. Sorry to hear that Your ex barely saw her. You’re right though- the time is flying by!
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Old Today, 01:09 PM
 
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Sonic_Spork, great advice on just taking my time when I do start to date. I need to approach it more from a friends perspective first. Sometimes in a dating type situation- people can hide their true selves.

Well- all the comments have been very helpful! I’m sure all of you who replied are busy folks but you took the time to answer. Thank You! I have my solutions- don’t date, get therapy, love myself and start a cat ranch. Haha.
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Old Today, 01:12 PM
 
Location: Colorado
12,276 posts, read 7,507,917 times
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Originally Posted by Singlemom001 View Post
Sonic_Spork, great advice on just taking my time when I do start to date. I need to approach it more from a friends perspective first. Sometimes in a dating type situation- people can hide their true selves.

Well- all the comments have been very helpful! Iím sure all of you who replied are busy folks but you took the time to answer. Thank You! I have my solutions- donít date, get therapy, love myself and start a cat ranch. Haha.
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Old Today, 02:46 PM
 
Location: Southern California
5,649 posts, read 8,264,951 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
...See, this makes me sad. Because I've known hundreds of wonderful men that I'm sure either have no interest in underage girls, or else would never act on it. I certainly would not go around being suspicious of men who teach kids in school. Somebody's gotta do it. I sure as hell wouldn't. I don't care for other people's kids very much, to be honest.

The problem is... 90% or more of men might be wonderful, and totally ethical and on the up and up. Hearts of purest gold. But the other 10% would still exist, and they don't wear a sign. We cannot truly know who they are. And that's what sucks. I can't let whatever smallish percentage of them, who would do bad things, color my opinions towards all...

But a parent must be wary. The odds of something bad happening can be small, yet we must still guard against the possibility. A car crash won't happen, in any of the thousand outings, commutes, and errands you run, for years, decades maybe, and yet we still wear our seat belts. And it is in THAT spirit that I say...be careful. Take your time.

As for cheating...sooner or later, you will have to find a way to trust. Because as you know, without that, the vulnerability required for real intimacy cannot happen. If you don't feel safe, you don't give a relationship the energy it takes to make it healthy and positive for everyone in it. But I tell you something... My fiance does look at other women, sure. But he doesn't look at anyone, the way he looks at me. I cannot explain it. It's an energy that goes right into the heart. But when you see it, and you feel it...you just know. And when you've got that... I mean, we had a minor breach of trust (I won't discuss the nature of it, it's beyond the scope and could derail the thread) of our own rules once, on his part, but it was easy...so easy...to forgive, to talk it through, to move on from it. Because I always knew, I'm the one he wants to be with. I'm the one that he loves. There isn't a threat to US. And even a bit of emotional turbulence is not gonna be enough to crash this flight.
I agree w/ this too.

Well, when a person has suspicions, that's what hidden cameras & PIs (private investigators) are for!
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Old Today, 03:56 PM
 
18 posts, read 1,201 times
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Oh my word- this picture has me laughing so hard!
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