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Old Yesterday, 01:41 PM
 
9 posts, read 322 times
Reputation: 20

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I am a 40 year old mother- and currently in the dating world. I struggle with jealousy and obsessive thoughts. Iíll try my best to get straight to the point. I think all men cheat and want really young women (like teenagers). As you can imagine this is a huge barrier to me having a happy relationship. Two questions for those reading this- are there are other women who also have these beliefs? If so, how do yuunhandle this if you are married? Men- is it a struggle to not think sexual thoughts when you see a young atttactive female? I am not attacking men- so please do not criticize me for asking these questions. This is a real struggle for me. I have a teenage daughter of which Iíve vowed that no man Iím dating will ever meet her. Your advice is greatly appreciated.
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Old Yesterday, 01:57 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
44,012 posts, read 42,602,465 times
Reputation: 85098
Quote:
Originally Posted by Singlemom001 View Post
I am a 40 year old mother- and currently in the dating world. I struggle with jealousy and obsessive thoughts. I’ll try my best to get straight to the point. I think all men cheat and want really young women (like teenagers). As you can imagine this is a huge barrier to me having a happy relationship. Two questions for those reading this- are there are other women who also have these beliefs? If so, how do yuunhandle this if you are married? Men- is it a struggle to not think sexual thoughts when you see a young atttactive female? I am not attacking men- so please do not criticize me for asking these questions. This is a real struggle for me. I have a teenage daughter of which I’ve vowed that no man I’m dating will ever meet her. Your advice is greatly appreciated.
Well ... to answer your question, I used to struggle with jealousy. I had a lot of therapy during and after college and my problem turned out to be rooted in extremely low self-esteem.

But ... your last line about your teenage daughter is super concerning. I advise you to look for a good therapist ASAP to get a handle on the insecurity that could really drive a wedge between you and your daughter as you both navigate the pending transitions in your lives.

She's not your rival, Mom, and to even suggest that she would be can be fatal to HER self-worth. Get help for yourself now.
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Old Yesterday, 02:03 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
15,035 posts, read 12,466,891 times
Reputation: 26746
Don’t date. Get cats.
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Old Yesterday, 02:15 PM
 
344 posts, read 217,947 times
Reputation: 471
Quote:
Originally Posted by Singlemom001 View Post
Men- is it a struggle to not think sexual thoughts when you see a young atttactive female? I am not attacking men- so please do not criticize me for asking these questions. This is a real struggle for me. I have a teenage daughter of which Iíve vowed that no man Iím dating will ever meet her. Your advice is greatly appreciated.

Exceptionally newly single 40 year old guy reporting here.


I can't speak for every guy that's ever walked the planet, but I have no immediate desire to attempt to sleep with every young girl that happens to walk in front of me. But, I'm not dead either. My eyes still work. It's like I'm at no risk of ever buying, or even wanting, an exotic car, but they're beautiful.


I also never understood the entire "cheating" thing and constantly looking for a greener pasture. I'm either happy or I'm not. If I am, then I'm good. If not, then "we" need to work on that, be it we fix something or we walk away. So, no, not every man on the planet is just begging for a chance to go cheat on a woman. Sadly, I've dated a couple that have been in your position before and we just couldn't get past it. I hope you're able to some day.



Wise decision keeping your daughter out of things, at least for a long long time into the relationship. I know I'm not a creepy, and millions of guys aren't, but it only takes 1.


Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut View Post
Donít date. Get cats.

Cat ranching is an excellent way to make sure you don't have to worry about dates...
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Old Yesterday, 02:33 PM
 
9 posts, read 322 times
Reputation: 20
Thanks to all of you who have replied. I have been thinking about going to therapy- I realize it’s not healthy to have these beliefs. I don’t like cats- but I appreciate those who tried to lighten the discussion. ��.
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Old Yesterday, 02:34 PM
 
10,792 posts, read 4,359,826 times
Reputation: 27190
Singlemom, could you clarify your post?

Are you reluctant to introduce your teenage daughter to middle aged men you might be dating because you expect you will feel jealousy if/when the man makes inappropriate sexual advances toward her?
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Old Yesterday, 02:40 PM
 
Location: In a place beyond human comprehension
7,768 posts, read 4,988,104 times
Reputation: 12795
Seek therapy.
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Old Yesterday, 03:02 PM
 
6,447 posts, read 2,995,556 times
Reputation: 16434
I mean this sincerely, you are not ready to date. At least not with that mindset.

If you are genuinely a mother you would understand the following scenario from a different perspective.

Son stops over to visit his relatives...they ask him about his recent dates. He proceeds to share....well seems that I am immediately labeled a teeny bopper skirt chaser. At least by this recent date. She obviously has gender trust issues . Both with myself and her own daughter. She assumes that neither her daughter or I have good morals or positive social skills . Instead I'm out to jump gals and her daughter is incapable of making safe decisions involving her body and mind. I think I'll pass on dating her again. She needs to mature in her outlook and be sensible about how some guys parents raised them to be gentlemen. Good thing you and pops raised me that way.

Mom says...indeed we did.

So while you are obsessed with categorizing a portion of a man's thoughts as being the totality of who he is...some ladys know that a gent is a multi faceted . Not one track mind.
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Old Yesterday, 03:03 PM
 
344 posts, read 217,947 times
Reputation: 471
Quote:
Originally Posted by Singlemom001 View Post
I donít like cats- but I appreciate those who tried to lighten the discussion. ��.

That goes in the "W" column in my, and a lot of guys, book.


Good luck to you!
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Old Yesterday, 07:48 PM
 
Location: Fairfax, VA
864 posts, read 710,984 times
Reputation: 1020
Quote:
Originally Posted by Singlemom001 View Post
....I think all men cheat and want really young women (like teenagers).
Nope, not teenagers. But 20-somethings are just fine.

I am tempted to say all men don't cheat but you already know that.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Singlemom001 View Post
... Men- is it a struggle to not think sexual thoughts when you see a young atttactive female?
Not a struggle for me. I just let the thoughts flow. They rarely morph into action.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Singlemom001 View Post
....I have a teenage daughter of which Iíve vowed that no man Iím dating will ever meet her.
What happened to you to make you feel this way?
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