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Old 08-27-2019, 07:07 AM
 
13 posts, read 5,113 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
You've only met ONCE? What happened with the concert?

The concert is scheduled for September 6th. I insisted on reimbursing her for my ticket.
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Old 08-27-2019, 07:10 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
44,354 posts, read 42,871,801 times
Reputation: 85774
Quote:
Originally Posted by mosborne39 View Post
The concert is scheduled for September 6th. I insisted on reimbursing her for my ticket.
The fact that you've only met once yet she is planning a cruise next year is a huge red flag. What the heck have you guys been doing since the 4th of July? Why can't you go out regularly?

She is moving WAY too fast, regardless of the context. I would bet that she is mostly looking to "fill in the blank" with a decent man so she can say she has a boyfriend.
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Old 08-27-2019, 07:42 AM
 
1,241 posts, read 1,375,659 times
Reputation: 1950
Quote:
Originally Posted by mosborne39 View Post
I'm a 43 year old divorced male with a 21 and 15 year old. I met a female on the 4th of July. About a week after meeting she offered to purchase extra season tickets to our NFL teams games this year. She also bought $100 dollar tickets for both of us to a concert for this coming weekend without asking first. Just a month in, she says she wants to go on a cruise next year and asked me to go with her. She stated she was in a fifteen year habitation relationship until April this year. She said his infidelity ended the relationship. I'm worried why she's moving so fast and even wonder if she's not over him and trying to make him jealous even. Am I reading too much into all of this?
NO, you are not reading too much into all of this. The bold are huge red flags, especially since you have not spent time together. It appears that she does not want to be without a relationship. Run, run, run as fast as you can!! Something ain't right!
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Old 08-27-2019, 08:05 AM
 
Location: California
499 posts, read 1,030,616 times
Reputation: 769
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
She sounds crazy to me. Seriously.
Exactly. She doesn't want you to pay for everything?? There's something seriously wrong with her.

However amongst other issues, not being a good listener, not discussing before purchasing things that affect both of you, and that you've only met one time in person are all big red flags that would need to be resolved right away. They would probably not be, however, so in that case move on.
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Old 08-27-2019, 08:52 AM
 
Location: (six-cent-dix-sept)
4,727 posts, read 2,420,251 times
Reputation: 2995
if you only met her 1nce; then, how did she get your passport to get boarding passes for a cruise ?

the cruise/football/concert tickets are moot. if you dont like her; then, dont date her.


hypothetically, if you liked each other, and you have dated each other a few times within a month; then, it makes better sense for 40 year old divorcees to move fast. you are no longer 20 year old rookies.

Last edited by stanley-88888888; 08-27-2019 at 09:03 AM..
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Old 08-27-2019, 09:35 AM
 
Location: Florida
20,096 posts, read 20,211,915 times
Reputation: 23682
Some people buy two tickets to things because they don't like going alone and figure they can always ask a friend along. It doesn't necessarily mean she bought one just for him, specifically.
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Old 08-27-2019, 09:53 AM
 
Location: Colorado
12,398 posts, read 7,570,934 times
Reputation: 22303
One thing that I think is common enough... You said that she's in a 15 year relationship, and unless I'm misunderstanding, still lives with the guy until April (did I get that right?) and it ended because he cheated on her.

Now this could be projection, or maybe not. But when my (18 year) relationship ended, it was like my whole life was turned upside down. I had no idea which way was up or what I was doing or what I was GOING to do. I was so used to the way I'd been treated that I had no idea that I might deserve better and be able to get better, at first. I tried to latch onto the first guy who took an interest, and I was pretty intense about it, and dumped quite a bit of money into it. I think this is a matter of being a mess and making bad choices because of the general turmoil of a big life change, along with not knowing one's own worth in that moment and feeling like you have to do big, generous things for people, so that they'll care for you at least out of gratitude. It's a desperate scramble to over-prove that you have worth. "SEE?? I am SO FUN! Look how great your life will be if you only LOVE ME!"

And of course, that connection in my case was stupid and short-lived. It wasn't long after that, that I found better people to date, realized I needed to slow down and chill out, and I didn't need to buy anyone's affection, and in the few years since, I've done a ton of healing, learning, and growing. It's not an indictment, in my opinion, of generally questionable character...it's an indication of where one might be in life at that moment.

Long story short, she needs to heal. That will take time. But she isn't ready to understand that probably, just now.

I'd say, if you like her...tell her something like, "Look, all of this is making me uncomfortable. I know you don't mind, but I mind. It's too much, too fast. I like you. Can I ask you to put away the pocketbook, stop doing these big expensive gestures, and just let's take time to get to know each other...this can be done for free. Let's take a hike together or visit a museum. I am not trying to form a love match with your money. I want to get to know YOU."

I also wonder if part of the underlying psychology of this behavior, is when life feels out of control, one might strive to place oneself in a position of power, fast and dirty if need be, to attempt to feel safe and in control of the new connection. She might not see that she's building a house on flawed foundation but eventually...she probably will. You can work to try and get her to chill out and see if this can become a genuine relationship...or you can bail and hope she figures it out before she bankrupts herself doing this with other guys. Your call.
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Old 08-27-2019, 09:54 AM
 
13 posts, read 5,113 times
Reputation: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by stanley-88888888 View Post
if you only met her 1nce; then, how did she get your passport to get boarding passes for a cruise ?

the cruise/football/concert tickets are moot. if you dont like her; then, dont date her.


hypothetically, if you liked each other, and you have dated each other a few times within a month; then, it makes better sense for 40 year old divorcees to move fast. you are no longer 20 year old rookies.
Cruise tickets haven't been bought yet, she just asked if I'd like to go on a cruise for my birthday next year.
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Old 08-27-2019, 10:00 AM
 
8,608 posts, read 7,265,184 times
Reputation: 9084
It comes off like a brute force attempt to move on and start something new.
That’s not necessarily a “wrong” approach depending on her nature, but if this feels wrong for you you shouldn’t just go along for the ride.
Speak up, don’t let her overwhelm the relationship. It’s the only way you’ll ever really get a good idea of who she is and what she wants with you.
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Old 08-27-2019, 10:05 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
44,354 posts, read 42,871,801 times
Reputation: 85774
Quote:
Originally Posted by mosborne39 View Post
Cruise tickets haven't been bought yet, she just asked if I'd like to go on a cruise for my birthday next year.
LOL does she work for a travel agency?
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