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In my opinion, if you like her you should talk to her. Maybe she is over-excited about finding someone that she likes. If you want to take things slow, then talk to her about it.
Then the cruise tickets aren't that big a deal. I mean, it's just a type of social currency that she's used to. She probably offers tickets of some type to lots of people.
But still ... Man you gotta be careful with this one. Just be aware that coming out of a 15-year thing she probably is not making the best decisions right now.
Yes. This.
She also sounds desperate. I don't trust people who are trying to buy affection.
Need more info about her, though. Status, job/money, kids, age...
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Originally Posted by mosborne39
A little more information on her. She's 40, no kids, never been married.
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Originally Posted by rrah
She's 40 and has no children--maybe that's why she's moving so fast? There's still some time for that first baby.
And yes, that seems kind of fast to me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mosborne39
I do pretty well income wise and can buy all those things she did by myself. I thought it may have been controlling/overbearing as well. I haven't met any of her family or friends yet. I'm not sure how she treats others and honestlt she doesnt seem like a good listener. I do wonder if her last mate was a user, because she has mentioned not wanting to take care of a man. But then she goes and offers to buy this stuff LOL. I can't say any common interests as yet, and she even sleeps late and I am an early riser. We have only met once in person at a casino( first time we met and we exchanged numbers). She looks nice in the face but is overweight.
It seems to be any combination of:
- definitely moving fast
- perhaps still wants that 1st baby since she's 40
- hates or never was the type to be alone
- figures if she does these things, you'll like her for sure...but she shouldn't have to buy anyone's love
- maybe she's buying all this to test you to see if YOU'RE a taker since her last SO was untrustworthy. So if you offer to pay her back for at least 1/2 of it, she WANTS you to do that.
You say she's NOT a good listener, so that's not good. I'd gradually ask some casual questions to feel her out:
- do you ever want a child at all or are you completely satisfied in life w/o having any?
- you say you don't like to take care of anyone, but you're quick to buy all this stuff, why is that? (At this rate, there's not much to look forward to later.)
Do you REALLY like her or think she has the potential to be a serious partner for you? Glad you said you'd pay her back for some of that stuff. Make sure she listens to you since you said shes not a good listener.
...
Do you REALLY like her or think she has the potential to be a serious partner for you? ...
i dont think so:
Quote:
Originally Posted by mosborne39
I do pretty well income wise and can buy all those things she did by myself. I thought it may have been controlling/overbearing as well. I haven't met any of her family or friends yet. I'm not sure how she treats others and honestlt she doesnt seem like a good listener. I do wonder if her last mate was a user, because she has mentioned not wanting to take care of a man. But then she goes and offers to buy this stuff LOL. I can't say any common interests as yet, and she even sleeps late and I am an early riser. We have only met once in person at a casino( first time we met and we exchanged numbers). She looks nice in the face but is overweight.
I'm not seeing it as "Emergency Stop" but I do think that there could be implications to someone doing too much too soon. More importantly, if something makes a person feel uncomfortable, they don't really need to justify that feeling, he could simply tell her, "I'm not really comfortable with all of this. Could you tone it down, please?" The problem is, a lot of people who do things like this, kinda refuse to hear this message until it's too late.
I've been the recipient of what seemed like excessive generosity and extravagance (to me at least, at the time) and although we'd been a thing for a while and it wasn't a brand new relationship, it did not feel OK to me. But at the same time, dude wanted to be left completely alone to work on his projects, and I'd hear later about how he was in fact procrastinating and wasting time (he'd post about it on Facebook) and yet he did not use five minutes of that to call me? But see, we had a disconnect in the ol' love languages there. His was Gifts. Mine is Words of Affirmation. I couldn't meet him where he was at and he couldn't meet me where I was at. He thought he was being a perfectly good boyfriend, dropping a grand into my bank account once in a while, and I felt like he was trying to buy my cooperation with a situation I wasn't happy about. Some random person I never see, touch, or speak to, making contributions to my finances, is not what I'm looking for in a relationship.
But the thing was, I tried to tell him I was not comfortable with the situation, both directly and indirectly (in writing, through a mutual girlfriend, whatever message I thought might get through to him)...and it made no difference. So the relationship had to end.
When I was in my 40's, I was dating a guy and maybe 3 weeks in, he asked me if I wanted to go to a Sandals Resort with him the following Winter. I'll tell you, it kind of put me off. In my head, I was thinking "You don't know me that well. I don't know you that well."
Now, when I was dating my husband, I happened to have 2 tickets to a Black Crowes concert. (I'd bought 2 tickets as soon as tickets became available, and had not met my husband yet.) I asked him, fairly early into us dating "IF we're still dating when it's time for the Black Crowes concert, would you like to go with me?" It being understood that if we're NOT dating at that time, he's NOT going with me. LOL
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