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Old 08-28-2019, 08:47 AM
 
750 posts, read 232,704 times
Reputation: 2056

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy View Post
When I was in my 40's, I was dating a guy and maybe 3 weeks in, he asked me if I wanted to go to a Sandals Resort with him the following Winter. I'll tell you, it kind of put me off. In my head, I was thinking "You don't know me that well. I don't know you that well."


Now, when I was dating my husband, I happened to have 2 tickets to a Black Crowes concert. (I'd bought 2 tickets as soon as tickets became available, and had not met my husband yet.) I asked him, fairly early into us dating "IF we're still dating when it's time for the Black Crowes concert, would you like to go with me?" It being understood that if we're NOT dating at that time, he's NOT going with me. LOL
^^This^^

In general, if I'm making even vague plans with someone who I've been dating for a while, it means that I feel as though the relationship has potential--even if we only end up being friends who go that concert (to use an example) together. The plans, however, would be made jointly. There's no way that I'm dictating to anyone about how they use their vacation time and vice-versa.


Making plans for a cruise with a person when you've only met face-to-face once is presumptuous and seems (at least to me) not only desperate, but a bit tone deaf as she made these plans without our O.P.'s input.

When taken in tandem with the O.P.'s mentioning that she is a rather poor listener, it is a touch concerning, but not a deal breaker if everything else in their interactions is good, they find one another attractive, and he addresses his concerns about her moving too fast and tendency to over-gift.

In other words, it might be a wise idea for our O.P. and this woman to meet up more frequently in person so they can get a better feel about how they interact in the world outside of the internet and phone calls/texts and make more low-key plans to do things together locally and see how things roll.
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Old 08-28-2019, 08:49 AM
 
13,334 posts, read 10,217,777 times
Reputation: 16845
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
I'm not seeing it as "Emergency Stop" but I do think that there could be implications to someone doing too much too soon. More importantly, if something makes a person feel uncomfortable, they don't really need to justify that feeling, he could simply tell her, "I'm not really comfortable with all of this. Could you tone it down, please?" The problem is, a lot of people who do things like this, kinda refuse to hear this message until it's too late.

I've been the recipient of what seemed like excessive generosity and extravagance (to me at least, at the time) and although we'd been a thing for a while and it wasn't a brand new relationship, it did not feel OK to me. But at the same time, dude wanted to be left completely alone to work on his projects, and I'd hear later about how he was in fact procrastinating and wasting time (he'd post about it on Facebook) and yet he did not use five minutes of that to call me? But see, we had a disconnect in the ol' love languages there. His was Gifts. Mine is Words of Affirmation. I couldn't meet him where he was at and he couldn't meet me where I was at. He thought he was being a perfectly good boyfriend, dropping a grand into my bank account once in a while, and I felt like he was trying to buy my cooperation with a situation I wasn't happy about. Some random person I never see, touch, or speak to, making contributions to my finances, is not what I'm looking for in a relationship.

But the thing was, I tried to tell him I was not comfortable with the situation, both directly and indirectly (in writing, through a mutual girlfriend, whatever message I thought might get through to him)...and it made no difference. So the relationship had to end.
Different strokes. I view it as a measure of how much effort THAT person is worth. Given this OP's timeline, I would not even choose to engage in that conversation in this scenario.
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Old 08-28-2019, 09:07 AM
 
Location: (six-cent-dix-sept)
4,727 posts, read 2,424,248 times
Reputation: 2998
Quote:
Originally Posted by Formerly Known As Twenty View Post
...
Making plans for a cruise with a person when you've only met face-to-face once is presumptuous and seems (at least to me) not only desperate, but a bit tone deaf as she made these plans without our O.P.'s input.

When taken in tandem with the O.P.'s mentioning that she is a rather poor listener, it is a touch concerning, but not a deal breaker if everything else in their interactions is good, they find one another attractive, and he addresses his concerns about her moving too fast and tendency to over-gift.
o.p. said he dont find her attractive.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Formerly Known As Twenty View Post
In other words, it might be a wise idea for our O.P. and this woman to meet up more frequently in person so they can get a better feel about how they interact in the world outside of the internet and phone calls/texts and make more low-key plans to do things together locally and see how things roll.
she obviously wants to see him probably everyday. its been a month and o.p. is choosing not to link up with her.
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Old 08-28-2019, 09:31 PM
 
13 posts, read 5,484 times
Reputation: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by stanley-88888888 View Post
o.p. said he dont find her attractive.
she obviously wants to see him probably everyday. its been a month and o.p. is choosing not to link up with her.

Thanks I don't want to rush into things.
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Old 08-29-2019, 11:41 AM
 
Location: Moreno Valley, Ca
2,114 posts, read 1,348,643 times
Reputation: 4505
Quote:
Originally Posted by mosborne39 View Post
Thanks I don't want to rush into things.
Honestly, you don't even sound that enthusiastic about HER, much less her fast moving actions with the tickets and potential cruise plans.
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Old 08-30-2019, 07:38 PM
 
13 posts, read 5,484 times
Reputation: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by mlj1225 View Post
Honestly, you don't even sound that enthusiastic about HER, much less her fast moving actions with the tickets and potential cruise plans.

Honestly I wasn't.
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Old 08-31-2019, 04:13 AM
 
Location: Tri-State Area
2,942 posts, read 5,273,954 times
Reputation: 1815
Quote:
Originally Posted by mosborne39 View Post
A little more information on her. She's 40, no kids, never been married.
You are her rebound and she is of the clingy nature. Sounds like a person who needs to be with someone all the time. If you like her, then you need to be upfront and lay some boundaries down. Usually though, Id go with the gut, inner radar rarely fails.
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Old 08-31-2019, 09:24 AM
 
Location: Southern California
5,741 posts, read 8,313,380 times
Reputation: 5460
Quote:
Originally Posted by mosborne39 View Post
Honestly I wasn't.
I already posted already (post #46). So...what are you going to do? Get as much as you can out of her until you get even sicker of her & you dump her OR are you going to do the right thing & just end it NOW since you're not feeling deeply about her?
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Old 08-31-2019, 09:34 AM
 
942 posts, read 501,807 times
Reputation: 920
red flag law, take away her tickets. theyre not safe with her.
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Old 09-11-2019, 07:55 AM
 
13 posts, read 5,484 times
Reputation: 20
Thanks everyone. It got even wierder so I ended it. She knows I do group counseling at multiple points throughout the day. One day I couldn't answer and she sends me an immediate text in all caps saying "ANSWER YOUR PHONE!" When I told her I was in group she responded that she guessed she wasn't pretty enough for me and she wouldn't bother me anymore. One week later she said her account was hacked and asked for a 200 dollar loan.
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