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Old 08-28-2019, 07:59 PM
 
Location: Santa Monica, Ca
7,169 posts, read 3,997,154 times
Reputation: 17245

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy View Post
Yeah...you keep telling me that. Well, you're the apparent expert.
Its not rocket science... All one needs is a nose, and to have been around people who smoke.
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Old 08-28-2019, 09:22 PM
 
Location: Southern California
5,723 posts, read 8,291,926 times
Reputation: 5441
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gamblor View Post
I've been brought up in a family were none of us smokes so its quite difficult for me to accept even if its a small amount. I don't think I could shake this feeling but I understand what your saying.

I think more importantly its a health concern, I don't want the person that I am having a relationship with to be harming themselves like this. Also habits tend to become more server over time especially in times of stress.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gamblor View Post
I spoke to her tonight. She said that she started smoking two months ago as a stress release from the split from her ex and stress from completing her dissertation. This in a way does corroborate why I was unable to tell she was a smoker for the first dates. She said she has smoked about a pack in the 2 months and is in possession of another pack that a friend gave her (what a ****ty friend). I made it clear I wouldn't force her to quit and I would support her if she were to make the decision by herself. She said she will quit as she feels she doesn't have an addiction. I can only trust and stand by her now.
Please, please think very seriously if you want to continue on w/ this person! You have a VERY legit reason to be concerned by this. I've never smoked or been around smokers either & don't plan to ever. Some people may think it's nothing, but it's a seriously legit dealbreaker in a relationship if the person doesn't want to be w/ a smoker. I wouldn't want to.


Your relationship is still fresh & new now, but you'll grow tired of it if you keep going w/ her. Don't compromise your health just to stay w/ her. Think about all these problems you'll have down the road:

MOST IMPORTANT: Do you really want to start falling in love w/ someone who's slowly killing themselves & you too w/ secondhand smoke? This shows she doesn't even care about herself & well being.

- one of you (should be HER) will have to go outside to smoke, so that kills the romantic time together & wastes time when the 2 of you could be doing something else together

- do you really want to kiss or be close w/ someone who smells like cigarettes all the time? Yuck!

- will you ever get used to her, her clothing, her place, har car, her EVERYTHING smelling like cigarettes?!


SECONDLY & probably even more importantly, I do not like her reasoning for starting to smoke. She's a VERY weak person & I wouldn't want a significant other to be this weak. I'm strong & I'd want a partner who's just as strong who doesn't start self-destructive behavior to one's own health like smoking or hitting the bottle just because something in life got a little tough. I'm a whole hell of a lot stronger than that! That's a HUGE red flag to me & says a lot about her character & how she handles & will handle various situations in life.

I've broken up w/ someone & worked hard too burning the midnight oil on earning my degrees in school & not once did I even drink a cup of coffee & sure never smoked or drank EVER in my life. This literally shows that she can't handle $h-- in life. What's next, she's going to get on drugs or think about suicide when the next little setback happens?!
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Old 08-29-2019, 12:05 AM
 
Location: Tucson/Nogales
17,618 posts, read 21,506,460 times
Reputation: 24619
Quote:
Originally Posted by david0966 View Post
Not true at all, that's living in a fantasy world. OP, I think it's best to just walk away. I dated someone who smoked years ago and realized they were not going to quit so I just ended it. My health is much more important to me.
Back in the 50's/60's, with so many smokers, if husbands/wives had demanded an end to their smoking, or else, just think what the divorce rate would have been! My mother endured my Dad's 3 pack-a-day habit for 50 years of marriage, and the 2nd hand smoke never effected her.

I smoke, not much, and I still haven't taken up the addiction to owning a Smartphone, still have a flip-up, which is turned off 24 hours a day, (I hate phones) and I return messages if I see the red light flicking.

Now! If I met someone and they demanded I quit smoking entirely, and they were a Smartphone addict, what do you think the result would be if I said: I'll give up smoking if you toss your Smartphone into the trash.
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Old 08-29-2019, 04:10 AM
 
4,240 posts, read 1,829,873 times
Reputation: 8642
Quote:
Originally Posted by tijlover View Post
Back in the 50's/60's, with so many smokers, if husbands/wives had demanded an end to their smoking, or else, just think what the divorce rate would have been! My mother endured my Dad's 3 pack-a-day habit for 50 years of marriage, and the 2nd hand smoke never effected her.

I smoke, not much, and I still haven't taken up the addiction to owning a Smartphone, still have a flip-up, which is turned off 24 hours a day, (I hate phones) and I return messages if I see the red light flicking.

Now! If I met someone and they demanded I quit smoking entirely, and they were a Smartphone addict, what do you think the result would be if I said: I'll give up smoking if you toss your Smartphone into the trash.
That is fine, but it is up to each person to decide. My parents both smoked in the house when I was a child. My nose was runny and congested every day. I did not know what it was like to be able to breathe normally. Then I went to college and I was better! So no, I am not going to date someone who smokes because it absolutely does affect me.
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Old 08-29-2019, 04:02 PM
 
1,447 posts, read 575,658 times
Reputation: 3226
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gamblor View Post
I've been out on 9 dates with this girl I met on an online dating site. It was my fault but I didn't ask her on the first date whether she was a smoker or not. I have visited the place she has been living on half of the dates and there were no indications that she was a smoker. She doesn't smell of cigarettes when I am close to her, even kissing I don't pickup anything.



On our last date I went back to hers again. As I entered the front door I could distinctly smell cigarettes. When I went to sit by the coffee table I saw a packet of cigarettes. At this point my mind kind of froze, I wasn't sure what to do. I casually asked if the cigarettes were hers and she said her friend give them to her.



I've never before mentioned to her my dislike of smoking or mentioned anything to do with smoking. I assumed she wasn't a smoker and so didn't bring anything up, this was so stupid of me.



I like her quite a bit and I will be seeing her again soon. How should I handle this situation?

This reminds me of something that I had went through.I met my ex bf on a dating site.On his profile he had stated that he didn't smoke..which I was glad because my other partner in the past was a freaking chain smoker.I hadn't met him online though. Anyways my ex bf was like this girl...I never smelled any smoke on him so I didn't know that he DID smoke and when I found out I was surprised..but it was like only during the weekends he did this.He wasn't a chain smoker and even he didn't like the smell of cigarettes. So with that I went on with the relationship.
Did you read her profile to see if she had mentioned that she smoked?That's usually a question that is on those profiles.Maybe she doesn't do it too much where it will bother you.Ask her about it and see what she says.
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Old 08-30-2019, 08:52 AM
 
8 posts, read 938 times
Reputation: 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by maiden_fern View Post
lol@ "a friend gave them to me." she's adorable.
i like her haha
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Old 08-30-2019, 09:08 AM
 
Location: Houston, TX
14,822 posts, read 8,678,935 times
Reputation: 29682
Quote:
Originally Posted by evening sun View Post
If she is a very light smoker & you could not detect it on the first 8 dates, maybe it doesn't really matter.
Exactly. Most nonsmokers can detect a smoker from a mile away. If OP didn't notice by now, she must not smoke much. A lot of people only smoke when they go out for drinks. How much do you like her, OP? If she barely smokes, maybe let it slide and see how it goes.
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Old 08-30-2019, 09:28 AM
 
Location: Texas from Maryland
60 posts, read 7,577 times
Reputation: 101
Just ask. No harm in asking. And if you don't think you can be with her if she does smoke, don't be afraid to leave. But if she doesn't smell like smoke maybe just stay anyway.
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Old 08-30-2019, 09:31 AM
 
Location: Texas from Maryland
60 posts, read 7,577 times
Reputation: 101
Quote:
Originally Posted by Forever Blue View Post
Please, please think very seriously if you want to continue on w/ this person! You have a VERY legit reason to be concerned by this. I've never smoked or been around smokers either & don't plan to ever. Some people may think it's nothing, but it's a seriously legit dealbreaker in a relationship if the person doesn't want to be w/ a smoker. I wouldn't want to.


Your relationship is still fresh & new now, but you'll grow tired of it if you keep going w/ her. Don't compromise your health just to stay w/ her. Think about all these problems you'll have down the road:

MOST IMPORTANT: Do you really want to start falling in love w/ someone who's slowly killing themselves & you too w/ secondhand smoke? This shows she doesn't even care about herself & well being.

- one of you (should be HER) will have to go outside to smoke, so that kills the romantic time together & wastes time when the 2 of you could be doing something else together

- do you really want to kiss or be close w/ someone who smells like cigarettes all the time? Yuck!
The OP said he doesn't smell them when she's close to him ....
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Old 08-30-2019, 09:46 AM
 
7,930 posts, read 3,110,142 times
Reputation: 13139
Quote:
Originally Posted by LilLisa83 View Post
The OP said he doesn't smell them when she's close to him ....
Quote:
WARNING: What OP?! Shes a killer smoker stinker! Hes lying about the lack of stench! It is proven everyone will die!
But more warning label posts are necessary...
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