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Old Yesterday, 03:28 PM
 
Location: Santa Monica, Ca
7,132 posts, read 3,973,572 times
Reputation: 17124

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Quote:
Originally Posted by old_cold View Post
I'm older than dirt and don't have any health problems and don't smoke more in 'times of stress' and find often that people don't know that I smoke because I take extra care...but will tell you … even though it might not be true for her, though I doubt it...that the more comfortable she becomes with you the more relaxed she will probably become about.... the more she might feel you'll accept it because you want to keep seeing her..... so the more of an issue it might become.
If you can't accept her as a smoker, cut it off now.
Exception to that is if she agrees to quit and does so successfully for many weeks.
You’re deluding yourself if you think that people don’t know you smoke... they probably just minding their own business. Cigarette smoke permeates your clothing, your hair, breath, walls, carpets, car interior, etc. As a never smoker i can smell it on someone 3 feet away. I am not an anti-smoking zealot. I have friends who smoke and will supply them receptacles for their butts... on my patio. Just keepin it real!
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Old Yesterday, 03:35 PM
 
12 posts, read 5,977 times
Reputation: 10
Am really surprised I couldn't smell it the first few times I visited. Even a cigarette or two would leave some sort of smell you'd think. I'll ask her about it tomorrow.
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Old Yesterday, 03:35 PM
 
18,754 posts, read 20,666,624 times
Reputation: 27656
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gamblor View Post
I've been out on 9 dates with this girl I met on an online dating site. It was my fault but I didn't ask her on the first date whether she was a smoker or not. I have visited the place she has been living on half of the dates and there were no indications that she was a smoker. She doesn't smell of cigarettes when I am close to her, even kissing I don't pickup anything.



On our last date I went back to hers again. As I entered the front door I could distinctly smell cigarettes. When I went to sit by the coffee table I saw a packet of cigarettes. At this point my mind kind of froze, I wasn't sure what to do. I casually asked if the cigarettes were hers and she said her friend give them to her.



I've never before mentioned to her my dislike of smoking or mentioned anything to do with smoking. I assumed she wasn't a smoker and so didn't bring anything up, this was so stupid of me.



I like her quite a bit and I will be seeing her again soon. How should I handle this situation?
Either accept she’s a smoker or tell her you can no longer date her because she smokes and ask her if she’s willing to quit and keep dating you
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Old Yesterday, 03:39 PM
 
Location: Upstate NY 🇺🇸
36,334 posts, read 10,785,206 times
Reputation: 34502
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sydney123 View Post
Smokers..( like cat owners) are often nose blind to just how much they stink.

Cat owners stink?

I'm trying to imagine just what it could be on them that stinks. Are their cats peeing on them?

In any event, you have my sympathy that the cat owners--and probably the dog owners, too-- in your life stink.
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Old Yesterday, 03:46 PM
 
Location: Florida
20,042 posts, read 20,144,236 times
Reputation: 23550
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sydney123 View Post
You’re deluding yourself if you think that people don’t know you smoke... they probably just minding their own business. Cigarette smoke permeates your clothing, your hair, breath, walls, carpets, car interior, etc. As a never smoker i can smell it on someone 3 feet away. I am not an anti-smoking zealot. I have friends who smoke and will supply them receptacles for their butts... on my patio. Just keepin it real!
Sorry darlin', even though that's the common perception, that you can always detect it, it simply isn't always true
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Old Yesterday, 03:50 PM
 
Location: North State (California)
41,226 posts, read 3,148,614 times
Reputation: 13539
Quote:
Originally Posted by old_cold View Post
Sorry darlin', even though that's the common perception, that you can always detect it, it simply isn't always true

Most smokers do smell & I hate the stink, but I have met a few who did not smell, one was my old neighbor, but I think she only smoked about 2 a day.
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Old Yesterday, 03:51 PM
 
Location: Santa Monica, Ca
7,132 posts, read 3,973,572 times
Reputation: 17124
Quote:
Originally Posted by Delahanty View Post
Cat owners stink?

I'm trying to imagine just what it could be on them that stinks. Are their cats peeing on them?

In any event, you have my sympathy that the cat owners--and probably the dog owners, too-- in your life stink.
I think you know what I meant, but... whatever! My point was that cat owners and smokers are often nose blind to how their houses smell due to smoking or having indoor cats... because they’ve gotten accustomed to the smell.
Sorry... it is what it is!
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Old Yesterday, 03:55 PM
 
Location: Santa Monica, Ca
7,132 posts, read 3,973,572 times
Reputation: 17124
Quote:
Originally Posted by old_cold View Post
Sorry darlin', even though that's the common perception, that you can always detect it, it simply isn't always true

Ok, if that makes you feel better. But more often than not.... it is true.

Last edited by Sydney123; Yesterday at 04:07 PM..
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Old Yesterday, 04:11 PM
 
1,098 posts, read 374,345 times
Reputation: 1826
Ugh. Smoking is a total deal breaker for me, regardless if I can smell it or not (and I will never believe that the smoke smell is undetectable). If my husband decided to pick up smoking, he could also pick up a new place to live. I don't care how many showers he took or how often he washed his clothing....
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Old Yesterday, 04:20 PM
 
Location: California
996 posts, read 272,407 times
Reputation: 2835
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gamblor View Post
I will tell her what I have said in my OP. The thing is, if she is a smoker it is a choice that she has made. I dont know if she smokes once a week or 2 packs a day but its something she has chosen to do. I will never ask her to quit smoking for me as that would be unfair, I will be telling her how to live her life and no one likes that. I can only hope that she decides on her own to quit, I would like this but I'd be kidding myself if I were to think it be an easy task to kick this sort of habit.



If she says she is unwilling to quit, I would be hurt quite a bit as I do like her. This is the outcome I am most worried about.
Just because it's her choice doesn't mean you have to respect it. This isn't something harmless like enjoying a certain sport or liking a type of music you find annoying. Smoking is an incredible act of self-harm and causes damage to the person and to the innocent people around them. How you respond is up to you, of course. But all choices don't need to be respected.
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