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Old Today, 11:54 AM
 
Location: D.C.
2,899 posts, read 1,849,253 times
Reputation: 3944

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Quote:
Originally Posted by tijlover View Post
Love conquers all! And if this is a deal breaker for you, then the love was never there.
Not true at all, that's living in a fantasy world. OP, I think it's best to just walk away. I dated someone who smoked years ago and realized they were not going to quit so I just ended it. My health is much more important to me.
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Old Today, 12:17 PM
 
Location: Florida
20,044 posts, read 20,144,236 times
Reputation: 23560
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gamblor View Post
Am really surprised I couldn't smell it the first few times I visited. Even a cigarette or two would leave some sort of smell you'd think. I'll ask her about it tomorrow.
OK, since it could be the truth that she doesn't smoke and that somebody else did leave a pack there...you said you were going to come right out and ask her. Did you?
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Old Today, 12:24 PM
 
Location: Central IL
15,303 posts, read 8,717,140 times
Reputation: 35870
Quote:
Originally Posted by evening sun View Post
If she is a very light smoker & you could not detect it on the first 8 dates, maybe it doesn't really matter.
Naaaahhhhh....she's a bad, bad person who has made very bad choices for herself and there is no redemption.
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Old Today, 12:25 PM
 
Location: North Beach, MD on the Chesapeake
34,135 posts, read 42,607,551 times
Reputation: 43665
Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63 View Post
Naaaahhhhh....she's a bad, bad person who has made very bad choices for herself and there is no redemption.
You picked up on the selfrightousness too?
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Old Today, 12:42 PM
 
Location: Between West Chester and Chester, PA
2,665 posts, read 2,348,454 times
Reputation: 4535
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gamblor View Post
I've been out on 9 dates with this girl I met on an online dating site. It was my fault but I didn't ask her on the first date whether she was a smoker or not. I have visited the place she has been living on half of the dates and there were no indications that she was a smoker. She doesn't smell of cigarettes when I am close to her, even kissing I don't pickup anything.



On our last date I went back to hers again. As I entered the front door I could distinctly smell cigarettes. When I went to sit by the coffee table I saw a packet of cigarettes. At this point my mind kind of froze, I wasn't sure what to do. I casually asked if the cigarettes were hers and she said her friend give them to her.



I've never before mentioned to her my dislike of smoking or mentioned anything to do with smoking. I assumed she wasn't a smoker and so didn't bring anything up, this was so stupid of me.



I like her quite a bit and I will be seeing her again soon. How should I handle this situation?
Are her teeth grey, dark grey, or are there any indications she smokes? If so, those were her cigarettes. She may be hiding the habit because she knows most reasonable people find smoking gross. I find it gross. It's a total turnoff.
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Old Today, 12:57 PM
 
7,124 posts, read 2,561,532 times
Reputation: 16289
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sydney123 View Post
You smell like cigarettes after you smoke. Breath, hair, clothing. You canít smell it because youíre used to the smell.

Yeah...you keep telling me that. Well, you're the apparent expert.
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Old Today, 01:04 PM
 
7,862 posts, read 3,085,657 times
Reputation: 13005
Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63 View Post
Naaaahhhhh....she's a bad, bad person who has made very bad choices for herself and there is no redemption.
...and she's killing everyone around her! and if she said someone else left the cigarettes there, she's a liar! So she's a lying killer smoker! I just wont have any of it! If she says one more time those aren't her cigarettes....
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Old Today, 01:05 PM
 
7,124 posts, read 2,561,532 times
Reputation: 16289
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
...and she's killing everyone around her! and if she said someone else left the cigarettes there, she's a liar! So she's a lying killer smoker! I just wont have any of it! If she says one more time those aren't her cigarettes....

Lying Killer Smokers would be a good band name.
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Old Today, 02:00 PM
 
Location: SoCal again
16,197 posts, read 13,054,725 times
Reputation: 31707
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gamblor View Post
I've been out on 9 dates with this girl I met on an online dating site. It was my fault but I didn't ask her on the first date whether she was a smoker or not. I have visited the place she has been living on half of the dates and there were no indications that she was a smoker. She doesn't smell of cigarettes when I am close to her, even kissing I don't pickup anything.



On our last date I went back to hers again. As I entered the front door I could distinctly smell cigarettes. When I went to sit by the coffee table I saw a packet of cigarettes. At this point my mind kind of froze, I wasn't sure what to do. I casually asked if the cigarettes were hers and she said her friend give them to her.
've never before mentioned to her my dislike of smoking or mentioned anything to do with smoking. I assumed she wasn't a smoker and so didn't bring anything up, this was so stupid of me.
I like her quite a bit and I will be seeing her again soon. How should I handle this situation?

You guys are clearly not in California. I can't even "freeze and be unsure what to do" when I see meth or pot laying around, it's so normal here.
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Old Today, 02:15 PM
 
Location: California
999 posts, read 272,407 times
Reputation: 2851
Quote:
Originally Posted by redplum33 View Post
Truth be told, I'm hoping she shows you the door when you bring this up.

I don't feel it's your place, and I find it disgusting when people treat smokers as if they're second-class citizens.
Ridiculous. No one is treating anyone like a "second class citizen" just because smoking is a dealbreaker for dating. If someone wants to engage in a dangerous self-destructive habit that's not only bad for them but also everyone around them, fine. Just don't expect to be respected for it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LLCNYC View Post
This.

I love the "it's a dealbreaker" people...I guarantee these same people have a 101 somethings that's are major dealbreakers for others.
..And??? What kind of point is this? That people should have zero standards ever because none of us are perfect?

I'm sure I have many dealbreakers for other people. WE ALL DO. So what? What does that have to do with the standards and boundaries I set for myself? And WHY would I want to date anyone who didn't approve of something about me???

Quote:
Originally Posted by SWFL_Native View Post
The nerve of people.. I don’t like cigarettes either but I wouldn’t ask someone else to quit or stop after a few dates because of my preferences.
You guys act like we'd be asking the person to stop seeing their family or give up a beloved hobby. It's asking them to stop poisoning themselves and driving themselves into an early grave. THE HORROR.

Please. A lot of smokers desperately want to quit anyway. This is not asking too much of a person. And it's not demanding anything either. It's simply telling them that you'd be willing to continue dating if smoking was no longer an issue. There's NOTHING wrong with that, and if you'd be insulted by that, I don't know how you'd expect to have a relationship. Anyone who loves you is going to care about you and not want to watch you die of a terrible disease. What horrible self-righteous jerks we are right? So sorry. Continue killing yourselves.

Honestly screw smokers. I've watched people I love die of cancer. To selfishlessly and carelessly bring that upon yourself and your loved ones simply because you can't control yourself and your had habits is disgusting. It's not worthy of respect.

Quote:
Originally Posted by tijlover View Post
Love conquers all! And if this is a deal breaker for you, then the love was never there.
Nope. Anyone who truly loved me would not put my health at risk. Smokers don't even love themselves.

Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63 View Post
Naaaahhhhh....she's a bad, bad person who has made very bad choices for herself and there is no redemption.
The redemption is quitting.

Sorry to see some of you guys don't take the risks of smoking seriously. I pray you never have to watch someone you love die struggling to breathe.
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