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Old 08-28-2019, 02:23 PM
 
Location: Central IL
15,315 posts, read 8,726,555 times
Reputation: 35942

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Quote:
Originally Posted by That_One_Girl View Post

Honestly screw smokers. I've watched people I love die of cancer. To selfishlessly and carelessly bring that upon yourself and your loved ones simply because you can't control yourself and your had habits is disgusting. It's not worthy of respect.


Sorry to see some of you guys don't take the risks of smoking seriously. I pray you never have to watch someone you love die struggling to breathe.
...as if smoking is the ONLY "bad habit" that people have that impacts the chances you'll die prematurely. Sure, smoking is the most obvious one. But so is texting while driving...among many other things that could be considered stupid but don't seem to be reviled.
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Old 08-28-2019, 02:29 PM
 
Location: D.C.
2,901 posts, read 1,850,770 times
Reputation: 3944
Quote:
Originally Posted by That_One_Girl View Post
Ridiculous. No one is treating anyone like a "second class citizen" just because smoking is a dealbreaker for dating. If someone wants to engage in a dangerous self-destructive habit that's not only bad for them but also everyone around them, fine. Just don't expect to be respected for it.



..And??? What kind of point is this? That people should have zero standards ever because none of us are perfect?

I'm sure I have many dealbreakers for other people. WE ALL DO. So what? What does that have to do with the standards and boundaries I set for myself? And WHY would I want to date anyone who didn't approve of something about me???



You guys act like we'd be asking the person to stop seeing their family or give up a beloved hobby. It's asking them to stop poisoning themselves and driving themselves into an early grave. THE HORROR.

Please. A lot of smokers desperately want to quit anyway. This is not asking too much of a person. And it's not demanding anything either. It's simply telling them that you'd be willing to continue dating if smoking was no longer an issue. There's NOTHING wrong with that, and if you'd be insulted by that, I don't know how you'd expect to have a relationship. Anyone who loves you is going to care about you and not want to watch you die of a terrible disease. What horrible self-righteous jerks we are right? So sorry. Continue killing yourselves.

Honestly screw smokers. I've watched people I love die of cancer. To selfishlessly and carelessly bring that upon yourself and your loved ones simply because you can't control yourself and your had habits is disgusting. It's not worthy of respect.



Nope. Anyone who truly loved me would not put my health at risk. Smokers don't even love themselves.



The redemption is quitting.

Sorry to see some of you guys don't take the risks of smoking seriously. I pray you never have to watch someone you love die struggling to breathe.
+1. Great responses, you were much more diplomatic than I would have been. Definitely not worth an infraction or having my post deleted.
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Old 08-28-2019, 02:47 PM
 
Location: So Cal
14,899 posts, read 10,912,525 times
Reputation: 14525
Quote:
Originally Posted by That_One_Girl View Post
Ridiculous. No one is treating anyone like a "second class citizen" just because smoking is a dealbreaker for dating. If someone wants to engage in a dangerous self-destructive habit that's not only bad for them but also everyone around them, fine. Just don't expect to be respected for it.



..And??? What kind of point is this? That people should have zero standards ever because none of us are perfect?

I'm sure I have many dealbreakers for other people. WE ALL DO. So what? What does that have to do with the standards and boundaries I set for myself? And WHY would I want to date anyone who didn't approve of something about me???



You guys act like we'd be asking the person to stop seeing their family or give up a beloved hobby. It's asking them to stop poisoning themselves and driving themselves into an early grave. THE HORROR.

Please. A lot of smokers desperately want to quit anyway. This is not asking too much of a person. And it's not demanding anything either. It's simply telling them that you'd be willing to continue dating if smoking was no longer an issue. There's NOTHING wrong with that, and if you'd be insulted by that, I don't know how you'd expect to have a relationship. Anyone who loves you is going to care about you and not want to watch you die of a terrible disease. What horrible self-righteous jerks we are right? So sorry. Continue killing yourselves.

Honestly screw smokers.
I've watched people I love die of cancer. To selfishlessly and carelessly bring that upon yourself and your loved ones simply because you can't control yourself and your had habits is disgusting. It's not worthy of respect.



Nope. Anyone who truly loved me would not put my health at risk. Smokers don't even love themselves.



The redemption is quitting.

Sorry to see some of you guys don't take the risks of smoking seriously. I pray you never have to watch someone you love die struggling to breathe.
Lol, the bolded seems a little contradictory.

(I'm not a smoker, and have had loved ones die from lung cancer who smoked.)
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Old 08-28-2019, 02:48 PM
 
13 posts, read 6,912 times
Reputation: 24
I spoke to her tonight. She said that she started smoking two months ago as a stress release from the split from her ex and stress from completing her dissertation. This in a way does corroborate why I was unable to tell she was a smoker for the first dates. She said she has smoked about a pack in the 2 months and is in possession of another pack that a friend gave her (what a ****ty friend). I made it clear I wouldn't force her to quit and I would support her if she were to make the decision by herself. She said she will quit as she feels she doesn't have an addiction. I can only trust and stand by her now.

Last edited by Gamblor; 08-28-2019 at 03:04 PM..
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Old 08-28-2019, 02:51 PM
 
Location: So Cal
14,899 posts, read 10,912,525 times
Reputation: 14525
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gamblor View Post
I spoke to her tonight. She said that she started smoking two months ago as a stress release from the split from her ex and stress from completing her dissertation. This in a way does corroborate why I was unable to tell she was a smoker for the first dates. She said she has smoked about a pack in the 2 months and is in possession of another pack that a friend gave her (what a ****ty friend). She said she will quit as she doesn't have an addiction. I can only trust and stand by her now.
Sounds good.
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Old 08-28-2019, 03:22 PM
 
7,124 posts, read 2,570,317 times
Reputation: 16319
"You guys act like we'd be asking the person to stop seeing their family or give up a beloved hobby. It's asking them to stop poisoning themselves and driving themselves into an early grave. THE HORROR.

Please. A lot of smokers desperately want to quit anyway. This is not asking too much of a person. And it's not demanding anything either. It's simply telling them that you'd be willing to continue dating if smoking was no longer an issue. There's NOTHING wrong with that, and if you'd be insulted by that, I don't know how you'd expect to have a relationship. Anyone who loves you is going to care about you and not want to watch you die of a terrible disease. What horrible self-righteous jerks we are right? So sorry. Continue killing yourselves.

Honestly screw smokers. I've watched people I love die of cancer. To selfishlessly and carelessly bring that upon yourself and your loved ones simply because you can't control yourself and your had habits is disgusting. It's not worthy of respect."


I'm sorry, but if a person desperately wants to quit, doesn't that imply how hard it is to quit? Of course it's asking too much of a person. If a smoker isn't quiting for him/herself, it's not going to work.


OP needs to move on if smoking is a deal breaker for him. IF she's a regular smoker, she's not going to quit to make him happy.
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Old 08-28-2019, 03:41 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
44,116 posts, read 42,667,287 times
Reputation: 85298
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gamblor View Post
I spoke to her tonight. She said that she started smoking two months ago as a stress release from the split from her ex and stress from completing her dissertation. This in a way does corroborate why I was unable to tell she was a smoker for the first dates. She said she has smoked about a pack in the 2 months and is in possession of another pack that a friend gave her (what a ****ty friend). I made it clear I wouldn't force her to quit and I would support her if she were to make the decision by herself. She said she will quit as she feels she doesn't have an addiction. I can only trust and stand by her now.
That's kind of hilarious. I've never heard of someone take up smoking for that reason. Eating, yes. Exercising, yes. Serial hook-ups, yes. Even popping pills. But I haven't personally known anyone to decide to smoke as a result of stress.

I bet she will quit, since it was probably just a distracting behavior more than anything. Or else it's one of the funniest lies ever told!

Hopefully "smokers stink!" debate will die down.
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Old 08-28-2019, 03:44 PM
 
Location: California
1,635 posts, read 470,142 times
Reputation: 2891
So what happens the next time she gets stressed out? I think it’s going to be on and off again and she’ll just do a better job of hiding it. The fact that you OP, said you froze at the sight of the cigarette pack on her table and given your family history of non smokers, it’s evident that deep down this behavior is unacceptable to you. Also has she met any of your family yet? If so and they smell smoke what will the outcome be? Just asking. Anyway it appears your decision had been reached so carry on.
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Old 08-28-2019, 03:48 PM
 
7,124 posts, read 2,570,317 times
Reputation: 16319
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
That's kind of hilarious. I've never heard of someone take up smoking for that reason. Eating, yes. Exercising, yes. Serial hook-ups, yes. Even popping pills. But I haven't personally known anyone to decide to smoke as a result of stress.

I bet she will quit, since it was probably just a distracting behavior more than anything. Or else it's one of the funniest lies ever told!

Hopefully "smokers stink!" debate will die down.
That's how I started smoking. I was having a rough patch with my boyfriend (who turned into my first husband). It was going to be drinking or smoking. I settled on smoking cause I figured I'd only be harming myself as opposed to maybe driving drunk or something.


I was self-medicating, as so many addictions start out as.
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Old 08-28-2019, 03:58 PM
 
Location: Continental Europe
879 posts, read 173,964 times
Reputation: 1371
When I dated a smoker, I did get irritated by our time together being punctuated by his addiction. Everything was about the smoke breaks.
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