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I've been out on 9 dates with this girl I met on an online dating site. It was my fault but I didn't ask her on the first date whether she was a smoker or not. I have visited the place she has been living on half of the dates and there were no indications that she was a smoker. She doesn't smell of cigarettes when I am close to her, even kissing I don't pickup anything.
On our last date I went back to hers again. As I entered the front door I could distinctly smell cigarettes. When I went to sit by the coffee table I saw a packet of cigarettes. At this point my mind kind of froze, I wasn't sure what to do. I casually asked if the cigarettes were hers and she said her friend give them to her.
I've never before mentioned to her my dislike of smoking or mentioned anything to do with smoking. I assumed she wasn't a smoker and so didn't bring anything up, this was so stupid of me.
I like her quite a bit and I will be seeing her again soon. How should I handle this situation?
Just tell her what you've told us. You assumed she wasn't a smoker. Admit that was a mistake. Then politely tell her that smoking is a dealbreaker for you.
I once had a guy quit smoking for me. To be fair, he started vaping instead, which was pretty annoying too. It bothered me less than the smoking though, and at least he made the effort. My point is she might be willing to quit. You won't know if you don't ask.
Just tell her what you've told us. You assumed she wasn't a smoker. Admit that was a mistake. Then politely tell her that smoking is a dealbreaker for you.
I once had a guy quit smoking for me. To be fair, he started vaping instead, which was pretty annoying too. It bothered me less than the smoking though, and at least he made the effort. My point is she might be willing to quit. You won't know if you don't ask.
I will tell her what I have said in my OP. The thing is, if she is a smoker it is a choice that she has made. I dont know if she smokes once a week or 2 packs a day but its something she has chosen to do. I will never ask her to quit smoking for me as that would be unfair, I will be telling her how to live her life and no one likes that. I can only hope that she decides on her own to quit, I would like this but I'd be kidding myself if I were to think it be an easy task to kick this sort of habit.
If she says she is unwilling to quit, I would be hurt quite a bit as I do like her. This is the outcome I am most worried about.
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