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Old 08-27-2019, 04:50 PM
 
139 posts, read 12,092 times
Reputation: 103

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About a month ago, a new girl started at my workplace. We got to chatting and eventually decided to go on a date; lunch. About 10 minutes before our date, she texts and says she's not feeling well. Ok, no big deal. We're chatting at work and we set a second date; dinner. She doesn't bother to show up or text or call.

At that point I decided to no longer attempt any sort of relationship. It's a no brainer. So we stop chatting at work and I just go about my business. She starts texting me telling me she wants to hang out, stops by desk and wants to chat. But she never mentions standing me up. She never apologized. It's like it never happened. Today at work, she said she wants to go to dinner with me. I said no, I have other plans. But really, I just don't trust her.

I am being paranoid? Is this normal behavior? I don't even know because I haven't been in the dating scene for awhile. If this is normal, then I'm in trouble.

Moderator note: 2nd thread on same topic merged with first thread.

Last edited by PJSaturn; Today at 02:20 PM..

 
Old 08-27-2019, 04:55 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
44,243 posts, read 42,757,083 times
Reputation: 85549
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tommy_Pinball View Post
About a month ago, a new girl started at my workplace. We got to chatting and eventually decided to go on a date; lunch. About 10 minutes before our date, she texts and says she's not feeling well. Ok, no big deal. We're chatting at work and we set a second date; dinner. She doesn't bother to show up or text or call.

At that point I decided to no longer attempt any sort of relationship. It's a no brainer. So we stop chatting at work and I just go about my business. She starts texting me telling me she wants to hang out, stops by desk and wants to chat. But she never mentions standing me up. She never apologized. It's like it never happened. Today at work, she said she wants to go to dinner with me. I said no, I have other plans. But really, I just don't trust her.

I am being paranoid? Is this normal behavior? I don't even know because I haven't been in the dating scene for awhile. If this is normal, then I'm in trouble.
It's not normal, but flaky people do seem more common than they used to be.

If she came by my desk and asked me to dinner, I would have said, "Maybe you don't remember canceling at the last minute and then standing me up last time."

You should have called her out. But let's just say you dodged a bullet because I really don't think you want this kook on your bad side at work.
 
Old 08-27-2019, 04:55 PM
 
Location: Continental Europe
946 posts, read 193,383 times
Reputation: 1554
No, you're not being paranoid and it isn't normal behaviour in the slightest to stand someone up with no explanation.

If I were you, I would continue to reject her offers to hang out etc.
 
Old 08-27-2019, 04:58 PM
 
139 posts, read 12,092 times
Reputation: 103
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
No, you're not being paranoid and it isn't normal behaviour in the slightest to stand someone up with no explanation.

If I were you, I would continue to reject her offers to hang out etc.
This is what I'm inclined to do. There's a slight problem though. I'm extremely attracted to her and our conversations are a lot of fun. But, she's admitted to me that she's sort of a mess. Not that it's a terrible deterrent, because we all have our issues, but, she's already indicated that she's not reliable in the slightest. I'm a bit torn, from a "I desire her" standpoint.
 
Old 08-27-2019, 05:02 PM
 
Location: California
1,647 posts, read 476,780 times
Reputation: 2909
Sounds like she’s working other options and each time something or someone came along that she liked better. She’s not going to be trustworthy and the fact she didn’t even bring it up about standing you up for dinner nor apologize shows lack of character. Plus she works with you. I’d steer clear of her and just focus on my job.
 
Old 08-27-2019, 05:02 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
44,243 posts, read 42,757,083 times
Reputation: 85549
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tommy_Pinball View Post
This is what I'm inclined to do. There's a slight problem though. I'm extremely attracted to her and our conversations are a lot of fun. But, she's admitted to me that she's sort of a mess. Not that it's a terrible deterrent, because we all have our issues, but, she's already indicated that she's not reliable in the slightest. I'm a bit torn, from a "I desire her" standpoint.
LOL

It doesn't matter how much you "desire her" if she doesn't show up.

She told you she's a MESS. NOT RELIABLE in the slightest.

Forget about this one, for your own good.
 
Old 08-27-2019, 05:05 PM
 
Location: San Antonio/Houston/Tricity
38,821 posts, read 56,649,627 times
Reputation: 91446
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tommy_Pinball View Post
This is what I'm inclined to do. There's a slight problem though. I'm extremely attracted to her and our conversations are a lot of fun. But, she's admitted to me that she's sort of a mess. Not that it's a terrible deterrent, because we all have our issues, but, she's already indicated that she's not reliable in the slightest. I'm a bit torn, from a "I desire her" standpoint.

... and with this ^^^ statement, she opened the door to future "no show, no call" incidents.
You might be attracted to her, but do you WANT to deal with her flakiness in the future?? Because they are coming...

BTW: no one is that flaky when attracted to someone. I think she isn't that much into you.
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Old 08-27-2019, 05:07 PM
 
139 posts, read 12,092 times
Reputation: 103
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
LOL

It doesn't matter how much you "desire her" if she doesn't show up.

She told you she's a MESS. NOT RELIABLE in the slightest.

Forget about this one, for your own good.
See, I know that you're 100% correct, that doesn't mean that I'm capable of fending off temptations. And, I think it's fair to say that, a person who you find very attractive and with whom you enjoy conversing, presents a sizable temptation.

I suppose, I'll ask this. If you were in my position, would you give it one more shot, just to find out if there's any potential?
 
Old 08-27-2019, 05:07 PM
 
Location: Continental Europe
946 posts, read 193,383 times
Reputation: 1554
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tommy_Pinball View Post
This is what I'm inclined to do. There's a slight problem though. I'm extremely attracted to her and our conversations are a lot of fun. But, she's admitted to me that she's sort of a mess. Not that it's a terrible deterrent, because we all have our issues, but, she's already indicated that she's not reliable in the slightest. I'm a bit torn, from a "I desire her" standpoint.
If you go there with her, she'll continue to demonstrate a lack of consideration towards you. It's about whether you can handle sleeping with someone who shows you so little respect.
 
Old 08-27-2019, 05:10 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
44,243 posts, read 42,757,083 times
Reputation: 85549
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tommy_Pinball View Post
See, I know that you're 100% correct, that doesn't mean that I'm capable of fending off temptations. And, I think it's fair to say that, a person who you find very attractive and with whom you enjoy conversing, presents a sizable temptation.

I suppose, I'll ask this. If you were in my position, would you give it one more shot, just to find out if there's any potential?
No, and I would reduce the temptations in order to spare myself further agony.

Been there, done that, got the stupid T-shirt. You don't HAVE to learn this lesson the hard way.

As long as you're flirting with her at work and, presumably, texting her off hours, you're tempting yourself.

But all you're doing is trying to buy a ticket on the Hot Mess Express. WHY volunteer for that if you don't have to??

One more shot? You haven't even had ONE good shot yet.

Go against your nature this time and start pulling back.
Don't text her.
Keep your workplace convos about work.

FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.
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