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But the gist of his argument is that you need to bring something else to the table than attractiveness to the table and then find the women who value this other trait you possess.
But the gist of his argument is that you need to bring something else to the table than attractiveness to the table and then find the women who value this other trait you possess.
I'm ok looking at times. I have no burns on my face. Just got lots of plastic surgery on my body mainly lower. It's not going to be lots of money as this other trait so I'm not really sure what I can offer to a girl.
Pretty depressing actually. It would be nice to fall in love with a girl though and have them feel the same way. It's something im missing. Those who are in relationships are so lucky. Thx for your reply too.
You seem to be making assumptions about what people think of you based on what you think of yourself. I bet you hide because you think you're not attractive. As a result, ladies don't talk to you and you hide some more. You've built yourself self fulfilling prophesy.
First off, men are visually attracted, generally first. You see something that you like. I'm guilty of it but I recognize it for what it is, a shallow impression. Women are different. Not that some guys aren't better looking than others in a lady's eyes, but sex and sex appeal for ladies seems to be more emotionally based, not visually based. Don't believe me? Look at the wedding announcements in your local newspaper. Ugly people of both sexes get married every day.
What do you have to offer? You seem to be intelligent. Intelligence tends to breed wit, so I bet you're funny when you give yourself a chance. Do you have hobbies or go to church? Do you do any volunteer work? Does your job bring you contact with people? Can you have dog as a pet? Want a conversation starter? Take a puppy for a walk. Get out in your community when you can and meet ladies.
What is sex like? What does bread taste like? What does peanut butter smell like? Describe chocolate. Describe to me the color green or a peal of thunder. It's different for everyone. Be careful here. Sex is very emotional. Do not hurt people and do not get hurt. Do not use people nor allow yourself to be used. Remember too that people cause accidents and accidents cause people. As a nurse who used to work in a public health department, be careful of disease. People swap cootties all the time. Don't think that because you're a virgin that you're immune to any of the above.
Get out of your head. You seem to live there and ain't working. Focus on something else. If you're focused on burns and scars and being a virgin, that is what you will advertise. Most people their favorite topic of discussion is themselves. Ask about their family, career, pets, favorite foods, favorite music, their job. Try to keep the topic of conversation about them and not about your trauma. People love to discuss themselves. Smile.
You seem like a good person. Be patient with you. Be careful and don't be in a rush. Stop looking to get laid. Desperation attracts the wrong people. Let people find the real you. You are not your scars and trauma.
You seem to be making assumptions about what people think of you based on what you think of yourself. I bet you hide because you think you're not attractive. As a result, ladies don't talk to you and you hide some more. You've built yourself self fulfilling prophesy.
First off, men are visually attracted, generally first. You see something that you like. I'm guilty of it but I recognize it for what it is, a shallow impression. Women are different. Not that some guys aren't better looking than others in a lady's eyes, but sex and sex appeal for ladies seems to be more emotionally based, not visually based. Don't believe me? Look at the wedding announcements in your local newspaper. Ugly people of both sexes get married every day.
What do you have to offer? You seem to be intelligent. Intelligence tends to breed wit, so I bet you're funny when you give yourself a chance. Do you have hobbies or go to church? Do you do any volunteer work? Does your job bring you contact with people? Can you have dog as a pet? Want a conversation starter? Take a puppy for a walk. Get out in your community when you can and meet ladies.
What is sex like? What does bread taste like? What does peanut butter smell like? Describe chocolate. Describe to me the color green or a peal of thunder. It's different for everyone. Be careful here. Sex is very emotional. Do not hurt people and do not get hurt. Do not use people nor allow yourself to be used. Remember too that people cause accidents and accidents cause people. As a nurse who used to work in a public health department, be careful of disease. People swap cootties all the time. Don't think that because you're a virgin that you're immune to any of the above.
Get out of your head. You seem to live there and ain't working. Focus on something else. If you're focused on burns and scars and being a virgin, that is what you will advertise. Most people their favorite topic of discussion is themselves. Ask about their family, career, pets, favorite foods, favorite music, their job. Try to keep the topic of conversation about them and not about your trauma. People love to discuss themselves. Smile.
You seem like a good person. Be patient with you. Be careful and don't be in a rush. Stop looking to get laid. Desperation attracts the wrong people. Let people find the real you. You are not your scars and trauma.
Sound advice ^ You need to come out of your shell, but yes as you have been advised be careful how you go about it. I would like to add work on your confidence. Don't rush into anything.
Best of luck
What you focus on, is what you will get. So focus on the positives.
I'm 27, .male, friendless, introvert, ****ty job, no friends that are girls. Virgin. Single.
Maybe a relationship isn't where you should be starting from. Try to be more social, as least as much as you can in the current environement. Interact with people in general. Pick up a hobby. Make some aquaintances.
I have known plenty of men who are in your shoes, for one reason or another, OP, who feel as you do. We've had a number of them here, some for years. My heart goes out to you.
Every human life is a story being written. Yours is not done. A bit of a conundrum here, is that two pieces of advice I'd give, seem to exist (at a surface level) in conflict with each other.
1. Don't give up hope.
2. Learn to let go of outcomes.
I highly recommend a lot of modern adaptations of Buddhist/Zen philosophy, to reconcile these two things. Because they are fundamentally key to finding your way out of this unhappy state. It's a matter of finding focus and enjoyment of the journey without pining for the destination. Of living your life one day at a time and appreciating the parts that are good...and they are there, but you have to put your energy and attention into them. No one's life is 100% good or bad. Rich, famous people who get lots of love and/or sex, still commit suicide. And there have been poor and isolated people who found peace and joy in their existence. Right now you're stuck in the circular trap. You see your loneliness as the cause of suffering, you suffer and your mind and attitudes become saturated in negative feelings and thoughts, that energy projects off of you, other people including women avoid it, this continues your loneliness, which puts you back at the apex of your metaphorical hamster wheel. You have to get off that ride, before others, before a woman, will join you...you have to find your happiness before you can share it with someone.
To speak directly to your question of "What's it like, being in a relationship"....? Well it varies a lot. Many people are wretchedly unhappy in them. They were miserable before, found another miserable person, and create a forever exploding misery bomb to live their days in. Some people have a relationship, a partner to live with, and remain as lonely as ever. Some are the unhappy victims or perpetrators of abuse. Many find themselves feeling stuck with someone they don't even LIKE.
A bad relationship is far, far worse, than being on your own.
But when two reasonably happy human beings who are compatible in values, needs, wants, and so on, come together and open their hearts to one another, it can be the most beautiful thing there is.
The problem is...the person who has not worked out their own dysfunctions, does not get that happy relationship. A relationship coming into their life does not change them, because wherever you go, there YOU are.
Please do not think that being a virgin at your age is a mark of shame or that it means you cannot find a partner for love and/or sex. There are some (relatively few, yes, but some) women in this world who actually love being a man's first. I am one of them, and I know others. But you do have to find a way to realize and appreciate your own value, and show it to others. It does not have to be looks, or money. Women appreciate many possible traits that a man can develop to his own benefit. Intellect, character, wit, talent, resilience, all sorts of things. I think that's why the #1 word most often said when women are asked what we find attractive, is "confidence." That isn't something you are either born with or you're not, it's something you can practice, learn, develop, fake-it-till-you-make-it. What confidence in a man tells us, is that he has found his own self-worth, he's not in a war of self loathing we are going to be recruited into, there is something worthy about him, and he knows it. It is not another person's job to find your value and convince you of it. Having confidence just means you've done that work, you are not demanding that somebody else do it for you.
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