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Okay so i already posted these stories on the other thread before actually checking this link so I'll cut and paste too.
Okay you want a moron story?
My husband is Strong. He lifts weights. He can do anything! He is just so great!
My Grandmother owns rent homes. She bought a brand new refridgerator to put in one. The only way to get the refridgerator in the house was to get it over the porch rails or walk it up the stairs.
Lets not wait for help! Lets just do it now! My husband takes the refridgerator (By Himself) pulls it out of the bed of the truck. hoists it on to his shoulder. Teeter Totters, takes two steps forward.......one step back........a whole lota tiny steps back before letting it crash to the ground, Denting the whole corner in.
He (being so mature and adult like) takes his tape measure off his belt chunks it into the sky (Where it later landed on our roof) Throws his cap against the house among ranting all kind of BS.
My Grandmother who is 85 looks at him and says "well, I guess thats not where you wanted to put it huh?" LMAO 10 points for Grandma I love that woman!
He had to take the door hinges and all off to fit our new washer and dryer into the laundry room. Squeezed it through just barely and ripped right through the linoleum.
We bought a refridgerator. Thank god he couldn't or didn't want to pick this one up. I got to help carry it in though. It doesn't even fit in the kitchen spot for a refridgerator. We would have to re-do the cabinets entirely. It sits in my office........bright idea.....actually it was my idea to put it there. He decided.....After he took the doors off (with the refridgerator full of food) He had to take the doors off to get it through the door because it used to sit in the laundry room (where its doesn't fit any more because the W&D are too big ) So he decided there was just no where to put it at all and all the food would just spoil so we needed to hurry and start cooking! LMAO Thats the craziest thing I ever heard!
He thinks he is the best painter ever and the faster you go the better it looks......um hello he's letting it run all over the place. (Im a perfectionist) And I do murals so this really irratates me.
One day he stepped in puppy poop (bare foot) and walked all the way through the house leaving little poop prints before he even realized it was there. I thought he was going to go in to fits of hysteria. Although I found it rather amusing......How do you step in poop BARE FOOT and not realize it is there???
One time he never put oil into one of our Expeditions and he ran it until the motor burned up! It threw a rod up or something, Im not of the mechanical lingo. Turns out it was a piece of junk then. Our brand new 2002 (Well it wasnt brand new) Silver Expedition with all leather interior, sunroof. Ha Ha Isnt that just hilarious.
Then let's hear it. This is the thread for it! lol
Oh... and the whole throwing a fit and and throwing tantrum thing... I had to laugh. I know quite a bit of men like that. I think my bf now, I'd only seen him throw his cell phone in anger a couple of times (due to I guess a bad conversation with the other person? lol)... But he does this thing when he's mad... If he's holding onto something he'll grip it tight and make this really squeemish looking face and throw a kaniption fit and you can tell he "wants" to beat up a cow or something but doesn't... All I can say is breaaaath.....
I call my husband on this every time I get a chance:
Due to some medical problems, he needed a colonoscopy. He had to drink this yucky liquid to help clean his bowels out. We get to the hospital and they take him away to prep and do what they need to do....
An hour later, I get called back to spend time with him. He's still groggy and out of his mind from the "funny gas"... And he said this:
"Right before they were going to do the colonoscopy, I had to go poo again. Except, this time my butt was like a super soaker."
Okay...I showed my ex bf how to use the crock pot numerous times....It's a crock pot for heaven's sake. How can you jack that up??? I'm at work and I'm giving him cooking class over the phone "cut the onions, carrots, potatoes" you get the idea. He's helped me make crock pot dishes several times so he knew the drill. So later that day I come home from work and as I walk into the kitchen, the stove top is in flames, and he is giving me this stupid look....like the infomation regarding the flame part hasn't made it up to whatever neurons in his brain. Come to find out, the electric cord for the crock pot was on fire, because numpty had the crock pot sitting on the stovetop with the cord in contact with the stovetop electric coil burner (turned on to HI..it was flame red) because he was cooking an egg, only the pan in which he was trying to fry the egg was on the wrong burner. Like double duh!!
Okay...I showed my ex bf how to use the crock pot numerous times....It's a crock pot for heaven's sake. How can you jack that up??? I'm at work and I'm giving him cooking class over the phone "cut the onions, carrots, potatoes" you get the idea. He's helped me make crock pot dishes several times so he knew the drill. So later that day I come home from work and as I walk into the kitchen, the stove top is in flames, and he is giving me this stupid look....like the infomation regarding the flame part hasn't made it up to whatever neurons in his brain. Come to find out, the electric cord for the crock pot was on fire, because numpty had the crock pot sitting on the stovetop with the cord in contact with the stovetop electric coil burner (turned on to HI..it was flame red) because he was cooking an egg, only the pan in which he was trying to fry the egg was on the wrong burner. Like double duh!!
Men should NOT be allowed in kitchens. Didn't you read that in our "Women's Big Book Guide to Raising Men"????? It was rule #2 right below rule #1 which was - Never, ever ever ever... EVER allow a man to get home from work and sit on the couch BEFORE getting him to do what you need him to do for you...
Men should NOT be allowed in kitchens. Didn't you read that in our "Women's Big Book Guide to Raising Men"????? It was rule #2 right below rule #1 which was - Never, ever ever ever... EVER allow a man to get home from work and sit on the couch BEFORE getting him to do what you need him to do for you...
Hey this man knows his way around the kitchen.. I pride myself in cooking some very fabulous dishes for whoever wants to eat them . And by the way.. I never make it to any couch as I am always busy from the time I get up til the time I finally make it to bed!!
I dont have an s.o., boyfriend or a husband, and right now wouldnt call my ex a moron because we get along really good. But I know of a son-in-law in another state who NO ONE could be lazier than...and...well....Im not even going there .
I love these stories of men it shows that women are not the only ones who do stupid things. I have had exs do some stupid things but they wouldn't top these. I used to work for an auto parts store that had a shop and one of the young oil changers forgot to put oil into the car after he had drained it and put on a new filter well low and behold a few hours later we had a VERY po'd woman in our store cause her enging seized up. DUMBA$$.
another time a customer would come in and would buy parts to rig in his car (and we all know how it had to turn out) and in the end it would have cost him alot less money to buy the right part and install it the right way. If you want something done right then do it yourself.
i have worked in costomer service for about 12 years and have seen some really stupid things and heard some of the really stupid pick up lines. One guy heard me talking to a co-worker about men and said he would show me how a real man should treat me (i gave and he ended up leaving me 4 months into the relationship when he thought that I was pregnant and called me wanting to get back together after he got someone else pregnant. I was already with someone else and have never looked back.) I also find it funny when a man gets caught check you or someone else out. When I catch my DH I like to say loudly to put his toung back in his mouth.
When I was 15 I worked at Wal-Mart. My mom and Dad were always self employed while I was growing up and Dad had got in a car accident and was on SS now so Mom was free to make her own money, so I talked her in to hiring on with me. She has been with my father for like 33 and been married 25. She has always had a ring on her finger. This man (considerably younger than her too) kept coming through her line. Every Day. To buy like one or two things. lol. yeah....right....So one day he went to the MANAGER and asked Permission to ask my mom out on a date....lol.....The manager even gave him the heads up and told him that she was married, but hey who could stop him.....So he waited in line and in front of half a dozen people, I just so happened to be stnding next to my mom at the time cuz i was on break, so I was bagging for her. This poor man just whilted away when she held up her hand and said "yeah Im married" Im sure he never seen it coming......And then he shrunk even more when she pointed at me and said "Thats my Daughter" LMAO, It was like the poor guy was clueless.
One time we went on a trip from Arkansas to Colorado, Im not sure if this falls on my Dad or Brother....We were in New Mexico, I was like 7 so my Bro was like 11. We are at a gas station. Dad got in. My Bro tried to get in but me and my lil sis were sitting there and we told him to go around. He shuts the door, My dad takes off....lol....Me and my little sis started laughing watching my bro chasing the car out of the parking lot, My mom turned around and freaked out! Yeah it wasn't very nice of us but it was really funny.
We were living in an apartment in Missouri running a hotel. The Apartment was part of the hotel and it had a balcony over looking the Swimming pool. We were kinda living back in forth from our home in Arkansas like 2 hours away. My Dad set out before us one weekend, got there, Had no Keys. Instead of wait he decided to grab one of the plastic tables by the pool and scale up the wall and hoist his 230 lb body over the railing. Didn't work. He grabbed hold of the wooden slats on the balcony fencing (Or Whatever its called) starts to pull himself up, Slats break and he falls 10 feet to the ground, straight on his feet, crushed his heel bone in to 8 pieces and many small fragments. Not how he planned on spending his next 6 months.
One time my dad (He owned a stucco business in Missouri) went out to a job site to over look his men. He left his work truck parked on a slightly (but just barely) slanted parking lot. Got out and went to work. He came back, The truck was gone, puzzled, Starting to think its stolen, For some odd reason decides to walk down the parking lot across the highway and look down into the woods. There it was. Perfectly un-scratched and un-harmed. Apparently he never put the truck in Park. How he ever thought to look there is beyond me.
My Bro and one of his friends were riding 4-wheelers. They decided to cross the creek. My Bro turned around when he figured out it was too deep. Told his friend not to but of course friend did it any ways. He completly stalled out and flooded his 4-wheeler that he had just got That Day.
I had a Boyfriend when I was 15 who got mad at me. Slammed his fist in to a big chunk of ice and broke his hand. One time he slammed his own Portable C.D. Player against the cement, crushing it into a thousand bits. And then 6 months after I dumped him came up from behind my new BF, new BF turns around and he sucker punched him right in the face. He had a black eye for over 2 weeks. And new BF was a jerk too because he was too "scared" to be with me any more.
Wow, I suddenly feel as if I have been surrounded by morons my whole life.
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) So he decided there was just no where to put it at all and all the food would just spoil so we needed to hurry and start cooking! LMAO Thats the craziest thing I ever heard!
This is the thread for it! lol
