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no man has the right to hurt his wife no matter what....i suggest u take ur kids and leave him....he will not change no matter what......one hit leads to another hit then another.....the next thing u know its an everyday thing and thats not good for u and or the kids....please get out of this marriage with ur kids please.
Similar thing happened between my parents, 22 years of marriage, and it's not so much the physical, but it's more the mental abuse that does your head in in the end. Yelling and arguing every night, he'd punch holes through the doors.. whisper nasty things we couldn't hear, until she'd yell back, makes her look like the bad person infront of us. He was a louzy dad.
Chances are you've already tried to make it work during those 15 years, so leaving is probably the better option.
Don't leave children exposed in that type of family situation. And just incase you're thinking about staying with him for your children, and the sake of them having a family, there couldn't be a more worse excuse to put children through living in a family like that.
My mother was a strong person, she went through a lot of mental crap while living with him. She developed issues, illnesses, stress-related problems. You're a nurse and you should be able to relate to what i'm saying.
She stayed with him until I was old enough to stand up one night and physically get inbetween the two, we moved out the next day. That was about 3 years ago..
We haven't looked back since, and we're happier now without that huge stress.
I haven't read all the posts so excuse me if this has been said before. No matter what you feel about your marriage covenants, your husband broke them a long time ago. If you want to try to work things out, then you need to seperate and then work on things through counseling. No matter what you choose you need to GET OUT of that situation and concentrate on your emotional and physical health.
You do not have to live like this. Don't feel bad for him because he obviously is as miserable as you are but no matter what his reasons there is no excuse for treating someone the way he has been treating you. If it is his diabetes, then he needs to take better care of himself and maybe seperating might give him motivation to do so.
I am going thru totally the same thing. My husband treats me the same way. I cant stand it, i dont even know what to do. We are both go to church every sunday. Some days he is great and then just like you, i let my guard down and then Boom!! Whamm! He goes in for the kill. He verbally attacts me, I cry and try to understand him, or him understand where I am coming from. Its just a mess sometimes. Actually most of the time. We are a blended family and my children do not like him, but because he is my husband, my kids, teenagers need to respect him. Well i tell them that. So they do and I do, but there is no respect for me. He mocks me and when I am happy he says something to make me sad. Does this happen to you too?
Why are you subjecting yourself and your children to this? No you and your children do not "need" to respect this male. (I refuse to call him a man since he does not act like one) If you love your children, please remove them from this abusive male. Instead of trying to understand where he is coming from, try ro undertsand the damage you are doing to your children. What's so wonderful about him that he comes before them? He is not their father. Are you prepared to lose your children? Do you think they will be around after they turn 18 and can leave?
Some days he's great? He's great while he's plotting his next attack against you? Wow. Do you have female teenage children around this man? Do you want them to be treated like you are? You are teaching them that is it normal to be a male's punching bag. Is that really what you want for them? And what about your male children? It is okay for them to treat women the way you are treated? Oh and will you tell your girls to submit to this male when he decides that he can have sex with them? He isn't their father, if you aren't meeting his needs he may decide that they'll do. Will you still stay with him?
Your job as a mother is to protect your children. They are suppose to be number one, not him. Pray. God will tell you the same thing.
I have built my own life - I have my own friends, I go to church by myself with the kids, I try to find happiness in things with a positive attitude.
Then why do you need him? You are a lot farther along, in that regard, than most people in your position, but that doesn't make you better off.
Abuse is abuse, period. It is all unacceptable. Maybe you can use some of that freedom you have to go to counseling. They can help you recognize how serious your situation is and assist you in planning your exit when you are ready.
This is a true story. I started a new job and got medical insurance, went to a new doctor. In discussing my medical history, I told her about pain in my abdomen that I had for years. She asked why I didn't do anything about it. I told her it had been so long, I thought it was normal so I learned to live with it. She told me, and I quote, "You should never have to live with pain, it is NOT normal. If it hurts, something is wrong. We need to find the source of that pain and remove it." My jaw dropped, it hit me like a ton of bricks....it applied so much to my relationship then.
It applies to the both of you ladies. You don't have to live that way. If you need help there are people you can talk to and places you can go if you have no other options. But please consider it, you do not want your childen becoming products of that environment and you deserve to be happy.
Help! I have been married 15 years. In that time my husband has physically abused me - just a slap here and there nothing too serious. Worse is the verbal abuse - F...off, P...off, called me names, putting me down, very critical. I have worked full time nights as a nurse. Now I am ill with an auto immune disease. I think all the financial stressess, childcare and hubby problems have all hit me. I am burnt out I think. My husband is still playing his games. Most of the time OK, some of the time miseraqble, some of the time nasty. I feel as though I am on some sick roller coaster. Up down, all around. He says he loves me and would die if anything happened to me. I am a christian so I feel a moral obligaiton to make my marriage work. He is ok with the children. I do most of everything in the house. He praises me for it and says how hard I work. He is ok then all of a sudden when my barriers are down - POUNCE - he goes for me, not physically, verbally. I honestly don't know how much more I can take. He is diabetic, so I know his blood sugar could be influencing his moods. But what should I do. I have built my own life - I have my own friends, I go to church by myself with the kids, I try to find happiness in things with a positive attitude. I keep forgiving, keep trying, but my hubby is so difficult. I keep hoping things will change. I can't even go in the car with my hubby and my 2 kids - within 5 minutes he's moaning about things, shouting at the kids, stressing me out I could say more, but I'll leave it at that for now. Anybody wise out there?
Talk to your doctor or your pastor. Get help. You need to get away from him so he can't hurt you and the kids.
Did you became a Christian before or after you got married? Just trying to narrow down the points.
Hello everyone, thank you for all the posts - haven't been here for ages.
I became a christian when I was very young, brought up in a christian home. Saddened by so called christians who never acted half-nice and wandered far, far away. met hubby when I was in my 'lost world' phase and got hooked up - hook, line and sinker. Came back to the Lord in 1993 - wasn't people that brought me back, but God - by his Holy Spirit touching my heart and soul. I was already married by then to the grump, and already on my mad merry-go-round!!
Health wise I am 100% fine now. Went to a healing service at the church back in June. Was annointed with oil and I then went on a 3 day fast - and since then have had NO problems!!!
Husband wise - well, he still has his ups and downs shall we say! But, I rely less and less on him and more on more on God. Hard for those who have no faith to understand, but God gives me the strength, the joy I need. I have prayed and prayed - "Lord, either take him away from me, or get me out away from him - just let me know that I can go and I WILL! God, hasn't said go. so I stay, cos thats my faith - I stay till God says Go.
Hubby, has not hit me at all for a long time now. He gets verbally abusive sometimes - but I just tell him to "Shut it" and walk away. Then I put my christian music on and read my Bible and snuggle in close to God.
The Lord is My Shepherd - totally. And as the grapes get squashed the wine comes out - and the wine is good.
I am crucified with Christ, my life is hid with him now. My life, my childrens lives my everything is in his hands. My trust has gone from 50% to 100% - and I know and believe that my husband will get some dynamite from the Lord soon!
And if my husband pushes too far, then he better look out - because I KNOW that I am covered by Gods hand.
Maybe someday God will tell me to "GO" if he does I will. Maybe someday my husband will also find the faith that now has grown so strong in me. But, whatever happens, for good or for ill - I have given it all up to God. That is not letting myself be a whipping post - that is trusting God to stand in the breach for me and be all I need.
This is a lot of preaching here - and I haven't posted before because I knew it would come across as such.
But, I wanted to post here, just to say thank you for all your concerns, its so sad as well, to see so many others going through similar pains and sorrows.
But My Trust is in the Lord. I Know what I know what I know. My Redeemer lives and he is my all in all.
Godbless you all. xxx
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xxx