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my hubby has 18 of the signs of an abuser out of the 28. Reading the signs of an abuser was like reading about him. Why the cycle though? They lull you into a sense of false secruity and then WHAM they go crazy about nothing - then it's calm again - can anyone explain why they have this cycle - is it to do with the moon? ha ha
my hubby has 18 of the signs of an abuser out of the 28. Reading the signs of an abuser was like reading about him. Why the cycle though? They lull you into a sense of false secruity and then WHAM they go crazy about nothing - then it's calm again - can anyone explain why they have this cycle - is it to do with the moon? ha ha
You can't keep somebody by being nasty all the time - after many sticks a carrot should follow. It doesn't work otherwise. The psychological term is "intermittent reinforcement." I've written about it on the forum. You can google it yourself.
my hubby has 18 of the signs of an abuser out of the 28. Reading the signs of an abuser was like reading about him. Why the cycle though? They lull you into a sense of false secruity and then WHAM they go crazy about nothing - then it's calm again - can anyone explain why they have this cycle - is it to do with the moon? ha ha
Yes the Moon has everything to do with it.
On a serious note, it has nothing to do with the Universe, it is a behavior that someone has to own or not own. You cannot control the behavior of someone else, you can only control yourself. You can tolerate unacceptable behavior by someone or you can not tolerate it. The behavior is still unacceptable anyway you look at it. If you've grown up with abusive behavior it may be hard to identify that such things are unacceptable, but you can learn. You can live your life with dignity and respect. No one can take that away from you, but you can be controlled by someone if you allow it.
Some articles on identifying and breaking the abusive cycle.
my hubby has 18 of the signs of an abuser out of the 28. Reading the signs of an abuser was like reading about him. Why the cycle though? They lull you into a sense of false secruity and then WHAM they go crazy about nothing - then it's calm again - can anyone explain why they have this cycle - is it to do with the moon? ha ha
My personal experience was if he had done it ALL the time I would have ended things much sooner. There was just enough change to keep me off balance and of course the outside world thought he was great. Maybe it just takes too much energy to be that angry ALL the time?
With most people (normal people), you can tell when they are starting to get angry. Not with these abuser types though - one minute they're fine next - mad,crazy,mad!!!! It's like someone let off a firecracker in their underpants. The victim of this rage is left feeling totally shocked/bewildered!
With most people (normal people), you can tell when they are starting to get angry. Not with these abuser types though - one minute they're fine next - mad,crazy,mad!!!! It's like someone let off a firecracker in their underpants. The victim of this rage is left feeling totally shocked/bewildered!
Yep, also put's you in "stress mode" at all times because you never know what will set them off. My husband and I were going on a date one time and everything seemed great, I mentioned something and he flew into a rage where he started driving dangerously. My life flashed before my eyes and to make it worse our children were in the back in car seats. I still do not know how he didn't roll the car. Later he told me he was in control the whole time and that I was overreacting.
I told my mother in law about it and she told me I needed to leave. A few months and episodes later he did leave. Her and I are still close, she is like the mother I never had. So I lost a husband, but gained a mother. I have no regrets.
Ha, that's unusual... After all, blood is thicker than water. Are they not on good terms?
No they are on good terms. She's one of the most amazing women that I have ever come across. I'm like her daughter, she sent me a birthday card and check just like she always use to. We talk on a weekly basis, she's been my strength in a time of need. My real mother is much different...although I love and accept her. I talk to her about every 6 months.
No they are on good terms. She's one of the most amazing women that I have ever come across. I'm like her daughter, she sent me a birthday card and check just like she always use to. We talk on a weekly basis, she's been my strength in a time of need. My real mother is much different...although I love and accept her. I talk to her about every 6 months.
This is really nice! Wonder if it'd be the same had you not have kids with her son... Could be... if you say she's so incredible.
I haven't dealt much with MILs, thank goodness. Most people's experience is hardly positive. Ideally, I like orphan men.
I haven't dealt much with MILs, thank goodness. Most people's experience is hardly positive. Ideally, I like orphan men.
My husband's mom died a few months after he and I met and so I never met her. His father has visited us once in 12 years and we otherwise really don't communicate with him. His sister lives half a world away.
From what I've read on here, I scored in the in-law department.
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Wonder if it'd be the same had you not have kids with her son... Could be... if you say she's so incredible.
