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Old 04-22-2008, 05:02 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,837 posts, read 73,701,910 times
Reputation: 22814

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Since this is such a repetitive theme (yet usually not presented under such a title) and so many people are in denial finding their SOs' behavior cute, childish, excusable, not a big deal, improvable, you name it, I decided to post some links with good lists of red flags. Of course, when we're IN the situation, many times we don't see (don't wanna see...?) even a forest of red flags. Most of the time we don't read such materials until our lives are totally destroyed and the need for answers can no longer be shoved under a rug. And no, abuse is not just physical! Insidious, refined, difficult to even spot and put a finger on emotional abuse crashes the soul just as badly, sometimes to a point of no return. And the borderline acceptable behavior today may and in many cases IS dangerous tomorrow.

Signs to Look for in an Abusive Personality (http://www.newbeginningsnh.org/html/signs.html - broken link)

28 Signs of Abusers

http://www.statusofwomen.nt.ca/pdf/FVAW_Kit/Warning%20Signs%20of%20Abusive%20Behaviour.pdf (broken link)

Beat crime, anti-social behaviour, bullying, abuse and mobbing with emotional intelligence (EQ)

Signs of Abuse and Abusers (http://www.xomba.com/signs_of_abuse_and_abusers - broken link)

I think many can benefit from reading these sites. It's one thing to look for excuses for each case as if it's isolated and quite another to have the whole puzzle put together. Not that it's a fun experience, but at least you know exactly what you deal with and can make decisions based on this knowledge.

There's really no need for discussion. If even one person's eyes get opened, it's worth posting.
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Old 04-22-2008, 05:18 PM
 
1,009 posts, read 1,893,994 times
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What if I see a red flag and it refers to me?
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Old 04-22-2008, 05:21 PM
 
Location: Earth
3,799 posts, read 5,761,984 times
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Very important thread for women, and men too. Thanks for starting it.
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Old 04-22-2008, 05:24 PM
 
Location: Earth
3,799 posts, read 5,761,984 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chiaroscuro View Post
What if I see a red flag and it refers to me?
Do you mean if you have exhibited an abusive behavior yourself? Or do you mean you have experienced an abusive behavior from someone else?
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Old 04-22-2008, 05:25 PM
 
1,009 posts, read 1,893,994 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by moonsavvy View Post
Do you mean if you have exhibited an abusive behavior yourself? Or do you mean you have experienced an abusive behavior from someone else?
I've read some of these before, and I display some abusive behavior (not physical). I've never thought of myself as an abuser, but then, I've never been in a relationship that was longer than a week... So I don't know, will this crop up after I settle down with someone?
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Old 04-22-2008, 05:26 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,837 posts, read 73,701,910 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by chiaroscuro View Post
What if I see a red flag and it refers to me?
Well, if you are able to see it, it means it's not hopeless and you can modify your behavior. Those people normally don't see any faults of their own. Everything is somebody else's fault.
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Old 04-22-2008, 05:34 PM
 
Location: Earth
3,799 posts, read 5,761,984 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chiaroscuro View Post
I've read some of these before, and I display some abusive behavior (not physical). I've never thought of myself as an abuser, but then, I've never been in a relationship that was longer than a week... So I don't know, will this crop up after I settle down with someone?
To be blunt, YES it will crop up.

I commend you on your honesty though. If you're willing to look at your own behavior, as well as actions and make changes, there is hope for you in a healthy relationship with somone.
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Old 04-22-2008, 05:36 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,837 posts, read 73,701,910 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by moonsavvy View Post
Very important thread for women, and men too. Thanks for starting it.
Well, unsolicited advice doesn't usually fly very well... Neutral advice is best.

I find this one article very good, too. I've posted it before for somebody's individual case, but it probably got lost and more people should read it.

You Think That You Are So Special... Heartless ******* International

Don't we all looove to be "special"...
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Old 04-22-2008, 05:59 PM
 
1,009 posts, read 1,893,994 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by moonsavvy View Post
To be blunt, YES it will crop up.
Great, my wife will be posting on this board in five years
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Old 04-22-2008, 06:04 PM
 
Location: Earth
3,799 posts, read 5,761,984 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chiaroscuro View Post
Great, my wife will be posting on this board in five years
Chin up Sweetie, just don't get married within the next five years.
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