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SCHIZOPHRENIA IS A TERRIBLE DISEASE! At what point did you realize you had to leave her?
Just because someone has a mental illness does not mean its all over for them. That is such a stereotype. Schizophrenia can be treated and there is hope. Is is a difficult disease to deal with, but she needs to get the right help. I have some really good mental health links if you want them. On the other hand, abuse is abuse and I just left an abuser and you need to also get help for yourself, while you are dealing with this. Good luck.
The reason I asked this question is that it is the standard one asked of abused women..."Why don't they just leave?"
She (the abuser) obviously isn't leaving...just as he (the abuser in the many scenarios gone over ad nauseum here this past week) isn't leaving. So my question stands. As it's all well and good to ask why an abused woman (who often does have a job, BTW) doesn't leave, then why doesn't an abused man, bill payer or not, just leave?
You can see that the answer is obvious for an abused man: For a lot of reasons; for reasons we may not understand; perhaps for property reasons; perhaps for financial reasons; perhaps because he thinks it's not fair that he should have to leave; perhaps because he deep down still loves her; perhaps because he doesn't want to uproot the kids.
Just as the answer is obvious for an abused woman: For a lot of reasons; for reasons we may not understand; perhaps for property reasons; perhaps for financial reasons; perhaps because she thinks it's not fair that she should have to leave; perhaps because she still loves him; perhaps because she doesn't want to uproot the kids.
There is so much that goes on in these abusive relationships. I just left one and it took me ten times. I kept going back because he said he would get help, change, etc. He said he loved me and blah blah. They are quite convincing and you are already involved in the relationship by the time the abuse starts. They do not begin the relationship abusing. It comes up slowly and before you know it you are in this relationship that is classic abuse and you know you deserve better and should leave, but you can't because you love them. It sounds crazy, but it happened to me. Before it happened I used to wonder why women would stay with these awful men. It is not so black and white as it seemed. I still can't believe it took me so long, but I had to relocate because he would have probably charmed me back. I am not naive, but even I fell for his pleas. They are highly skilled manipulators.
I think in both cases (men or women), a couple of the top reasons that people tend to stay in their abusive relationships is 1) they have low self esteem and do not believe they can get better then what they have and 2) it would cost them too much to leave (financially and material wise).
It is not black and white like that. I do not have low self esteem and I know I can get better. A common myth is that women in abusive relationships are low class, not smart, or have low self esteem. This is not so. Many successful women from all walks of life have experienced an abusive relationship. They don't introduce themselves as "Hi, I am an abuser." They do not begin the abuse until they have your guard down and you have developed strong feelings.
Men probably have different reasons to women for staying in bad relationships. Primarily - kids, poor men don't always get custody of the kids and men get just as attached to their children as women. Also, the kind of men who get abused are usually nice men who don't believe in smacking a woman in the mouth - they accidentally get caught up in a relationship with a nasty girl and that girl knows full well that her hubby is a christian/moral/kindhearted and takes full advantage.
My good friend is married to this awful woman. He won't leave her because of his son and also he does have financial issues.
Well, why don't they just leave? (shrug) It's their own fault for staying. Just by staying, they're saying they condone the behavior, which therefore encourages more of it.
At least that's what's been said about 500 times on this forum this week alone about women who don't leave abusive relationships.
You just do not get it. Maybe you will be in one and discover another world. We do not condone abuse, it is not our fault. You are blaming the victim and not educating yourself about Domestic Violence. By the way, October is Domestic Violence month. There will be a lot of educational materials around to read online and in print.
Just because someone has a mental illness does not mean its all over for them. That is such a stereotype. Schizophrenia can be treated and there is hope. Is is a difficult disease to deal with, but she needs to get the right help. I have some really good mental health links if you want them. On the other hand, abuse is abuse and I just left an abuser and you need to also get help for yourself, while you are dealing with this. Good luck.
I learned something recently about the disease. Doctors have found out that it actually eats brain tissue. So...it's not even the same person anymore.
I feel sorry for her, but unfortunately that isn't good enough. I can't DO anything to really help her, so all my so-called intelligence is useless. Trying doesn't matter, results do--and I have no positive results.
They are wimps. I had a friend who was 6'7" and older than his fat 5' Mexican bad tempered wife. She would throw things at him and they would cut his eye or head and he'd be bleeding and bruised. She was immature, but he was a pushover so he just let it go. Finally they divorced because she left him to sleep around, but he would have stayed forever he told me. I would have called the cops on that B!
They are wimps. I had a friend who was 6'7" and older than his fat 5' Mexican bad tempered wife. She would throw things at him and they would cut his eye or head and he'd be bleeding and bruised. She was immature, but he was a pushover so he just let it go. Finally they divorced because she left him to sleep around, but he would have stayed forever he told me. I would have called the cops on that B!
Is it better for the man to beat on his wife? Call me old-fashioned, but I, for one, don't believe in beating on women.
Neither is better. People should not have to resort to violence for most matters. I've never had to fight someone physically. However, if she is beating him over the head with a phone and his eyelid busts open with blood spilling out, like my old friend, the guy needs to stop holding his hands over his head like a defenseless wuss, grab the phone, restrict her hands, shoulders, neck or whatever means to protect himself. Of course everyone wants to immediately blame the guy and run to the woman as the victim. In this case the best thing to do is walk away in a fight or flight situation. LEAVE, otherwise you encourage this behavior. She gets mad, the guy plays a nancy-boy, he apologizes as the victim usually does and she is rewarded with sympathy, affection etc. and thinks she can continue to do this.
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Men in Abusive Relationships
