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Old 04-27-2008, 08:52 AM
 
Location: NoVa
18,434 posts, read 28,585,606 times
Reputation: 19578

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Quote:
Originally Posted by moonsavvy View Post
(((((((((Shuke))))))))))

Divorce is never easy, it's costly, it's time consuming, it's like a death. So why do it?

Because life begins again!
YAY to THAT!

 
Old 04-27-2008, 09:14 AM
 
Location: Beautiful Kentucky
820 posts, read 2,532,143 times
Reputation: 551
I hope things go smoothly for both of you and your children. Child support is typically based on income, so hopefully you can revisit that issue quickly after she gets a full time job making more money. I would suspect that she'll be eligible for maintenance since she's only been working part time and a judge will feel it will take her a bit of time to get "established" in a career. Maintenance is tax deductible - other things like child support, paying off any credit cards, etc. isn't. Something to consider when making "deals". Also, you'll get credit for any health insurance you're paying for. Child care is also considered in most states as something that gets included in the pot when looking at income and divided similarly to child support.

Being a nurse she should be able to get back into the workforce full time rather quickly. However, if she hasn't been in a clinical (patient care) setting, then she won't be able to just jump into a job in one. Once your nursing skills have weakened, your job opportunities are more limited. If that's the case, she may need a refresher type of course. Her best bet will probably be to expand on whatever she's been doing part time - if that was part time in a hospital for instance, she'll have a very easy time of going full time.
 
Old 04-27-2008, 09:20 AM
 
Location: The #1 sunshine state, Arizona.
12,172 posts, read 15,034,439 times
Reputation: 64014
Shuke, she's a nurse, stop taking care of her and she'll take care of herself and the kids. You need to let go of some of the control in that household or she'll have you coming over in the middle of the night to kill bugs and move heavy furniture. Don't enable her she'll keep using you.
 
Old 04-27-2008, 09:48 AM
 
Location: Branson, Missouri
7,269 posts, read 16,874,239 times
Reputation: 3688
Welcome back Shuke. We've all been wondering where you were. Sounds like you gave it your best shot and you sound happy with your decision so I wish you the best of luck.
My word of advice is, (and I'm sure you know this but) keep the kids out of it as much as possible because they seem to always think it's there fault this is happening and stay civil to the wife in front of your kids. Kids take things personally.
 
Old 04-27-2008, 09:59 AM
 
Location: Where we enjoy all four seasons
20,799 posts, read 8,542,357 times
Reputation: 15884
Welcome back.....sounds like you made the very tough decision and you sound happy!
Have you told your wife or soon to be ex? That has to be tough.

Good Luck to you......Everyone deserves to be happy!
 
Old 04-27-2008, 10:09 AM
 
Location: New England
786 posts, read 806,116 times
Reputation: 553
Quote:
Originally Posted by moonsavvy View Post
(((((((((Shuke))))))))))

Divorce is never easy, it's costly, it's time consuming, it's like a death. So why do it?

Because life begins again!
That's the post of the day right there, moonsavvy! Maybe even the post of the week or even the month! Just the right thought there... and, yes, it does feel like life beginning again! Definitely puts me in a better mood when I realize the current situation won't go on forever... or go on for another 15 years and then end with the same result, only more costly for me and with fewer earning years until retirement.

And thanks for the hugs!! btw... I heard you were a hottie... I'm marking you down on the short list!
 
Old 04-27-2008, 10:23 AM
 
Location: New England
786 posts, read 806,116 times
Reputation: 553
Quote:
Originally Posted by zonababe View Post
Shuke, she's a nurse, stop taking care of her and she'll take care of herself and the kids. You need to let go of some of the control in that household or she'll have you coming over in the middle of the night to kill bugs and move heavy furniture. Don't enable her she'll keep using you.
I finally wised up to this (somewhat) during my little break. I let the house be a wreck and tried to complain about it as little as possible. But the last time I did mention it (back in February), she pretty much told me I could live somewhere else if I didn't like it. My reply to that was I'd make that decision after April 15th, which is what I did.

One interesting anecdeote, though... well, actually a couple... as you may recall, I have been doing all the laundry in the house... for myself, the kids, and for her. Well, one night a few weeks ago, I was folding HER laundry like at 9:00 at night... had a whole basket full of it. She was laying there in bed watching TV while I had her laundry spread out on the bed to be folded. I just commented, "this is all your laundry... perhaps you'd like to help me fold it and put it away." Well.. you'd have thought I peed on the rug for the reaction I got from her. Totally out of the question. At that point, I decided she needed to get a better appreciation for the work associated with that activity, and I have started throwing my laundry in the kid's laundry hamper, leaving only her laundry in the master laundry hamper. Took her a couple of weeks to figure it out, but a few days ago she noticed the mountain of laundry piling out of her hamper and she inquired whether I was still doing her laundry. I said I'd resume doing it again, but I felt she needed to have a better appreciation for the work involved, so I would resume after she dealt with her existing mountain of laundry. That was 3-4 days ago, and it's still there. I fully expect she'll use every stitch of her clothing hanging in the closet, until the closet is totally bare, before she'll do her own laundry. That's part of the reason why I was doing these chores myself... I cannot afford to have my stuff pile up like that. Problem is, this happens not only with the laundry, but with any household chore. Basically, if it doesn't involve spending money, she ain't interested.

Then there's the second anecdote. I was working late in the office Saturday night, April 12th. Didn't leave the office until maybe 10:00pm and didn't get home 'til 10:45pm. Stopped at McD's on the highway on the way home for dinner. But guess what I found when I got home? She was in bed and all 3 kids were still up - waiting for me! At 10:45pm!! I asked them if they had any dinner... they said mommy made them peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and went to bed early (like at 7pm). And that's pretty typical for her... she never goes to the trouble of tucking them in. I have a couple of standing meetings on Tuesday and Thursday nights that usually cause me to get home late - after their bedtime. The kids are used to this routine, so they just go to bed on their own most of the time, but whenever I ask them if mommy tucked them in or put them to bed, the answer is always the same - NO. Mommy just puts herself to bed and lets the kids go to bed whenever.

So that's a glimpse of life in the shuke household.
 
Old 04-27-2008, 10:25 AM
 
Location: New England
786 posts, read 806,116 times
Reputation: 553
Quote:
Originally Posted by crazyworld View Post
Have you told your wife or soon to be ex? That has to be tough.
I will certainly tell her before any papers get served. But I want to have a pow-wow with my attorney first to talk about a number of issues and how we see those unfolding first.
 
Old 04-27-2008, 10:31 AM
 
Location: New England
786 posts, read 806,116 times
Reputation: 553
Quote:
Originally Posted by bluegrassgirl View Post
I hope things go smoothly for both of you and your children. Child support is typically based on income, so hopefully you can revisit that issue quickly after she gets a full time job making more money. I would suspect that she'll be eligible for maintenance since she's only been working part time and a judge will feel it will take her a bit of time to get "established" in a career. Maintenance is tax deductible - other things like child support, paying off any credit cards, etc. isn't. Something to consider when making "deals". Also, you'll get credit for any health insurance you're paying for. Child care is also considered in most states as something that gets included in the pot when looking at income and divided similarly to child support.

Being a nurse she should be able to get back into the workforce full time rather quickly. However, if she hasn't been in a clinical (patient care) setting, then she won't be able to just jump into a job in one. Once your nursing skills have weakened, your job opportunities are more limited. If that's the case, she may need a refresher type of course. Her best bet will probably be to expand on whatever she's been doing part time - if that was part time in a hospital for instance, she'll have a very easy time of going full time.
Sounds like the voice of experience there... she hasn't worked in the hospital since roughly 1996. Since that time, she's been a visiting nurse and I don't think she would have a hard time getting back into that field.

As for the rest of the legalities... thanks for the heads-up and quick explanation on how it works in general. I'm sure this whole process will be a learning experience!

Thanks for the kind words!
 
Old 04-27-2008, 12:01 PM
 
Location: England
1,171 posts, read 2,189,780 times
Reputation: 1007
Sounds like your wife is a female version of my husband. I am a nurse, I worked full time nights (and more), did all the housework, cooking, laundry - but he isn't as lazy as your wife. At least my hubby has a job, goes to work. Your wife sounds a disgrace! Your poor kids really rely on you and your wife knows this and probably uses it to keep you in the home and waiting on her. Is there anyway you can take your kids with you? If not, you need to talk to someone about what your rights are exactly. At least if I left, I could take my kids with me, so I feel sorry for anyone who can't -it must be hell. I admire the way you have worked so hard and taken care of your kids and the house - amazing! Your wife is a thankless, lazy, good for nothing. What kind of mother treats her kids like that. Terrible. If I didn't have to work at all the house would be spotless, eveything would be done, the hubby shouldn't have to do a thingif he's working all day and the wifes at home. It's not fair at all.Prayers for you.
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