U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 04-30-2008, 07:18 AM
 
9 posts, read 13,357 times
Reputation: 12

Advertisements

My ex-husband cheated on me with the woman he is still now dating. Stating the obvious there is no love lost between her and I. It esculated on my daughters birthday when after agreeing that my ex and I would leave our signifigant others home that day, his new girlfriend not only shows up, but calls me a ***** in front of all 3 of our children. I thought that would be the end of it. Now he claims it's all water under the bridge and I have no right to say who he can and can't bring around the children. It hurt enough that they together broke up the family, it feels like adding insult to injury that he wants his cake and to eat it too. The children are torn of course, they love their father and want to spend time with him. The emphasis being with him, not her, but now during every visit he is pushing them to start spending time around her. They know that if they don't agree he just will stop coming around as much. He's done it in the past. Normally when he's angry with me, somehow they get caught in the crossfire.
I am trying to take the high road and I admit it's hard, however, for my children's sake I have told them to do what their father has asked. However, if it is at all possible, I would prefer that she not be around them. Do I have any legal standing to keep her away from my children?
Any information would be helpful.
Thanks
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 04-30-2008, 07:29 AM
 
Location: Dallas TX
13,430 posts, read 18,654,299 times
Reputation: 17578
You need to sit down with your ex and a mediator. Tell him you want to do this for the children; and discuss the issues are bothering each of you.

It's sad when children are involved; but you are doing a great job taking the high road; keep doing it, you will be happier for it in the long run!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-30-2008, 08:33 AM
 
Location: Texas
2,313 posts, read 5,890,569 times
Reputation: 1528
I tend to agree in the fact that neither you or he have no right in telling each other who you can bring to family functions and stuff like that. Of course it works out a lot better if you are civil to each other. I think part of the problem here is that you both have to understand that your marriage is over. You have each moved along.. it is not fair to either one of you to say that you can not have your new SO with you when doing family functions.

Now with that said... if this is a fly by night fling.. then I would not (as an individual) bring them around my children. This tends to confuse the heck out of children and later down the road that is not good either. I like the first suggestion.. get a mediator.. and deal with it...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-30-2008, 10:34 AM
 
5,007 posts, read 7,314,358 times
Reputation: 5685
Your husband is selfish and must be on another planet, wanting the kids to instantly start spending time with the girlfriend. He is acting like an immature butthead.

Veuvegirl is right that a mediator would be good, but you might want to talk to a lawyer about the visits of the girlfriend during family get-togethers.

Remember, the girlfriend has no legal rights to your children or your situation. Her name isn't on any papers concerning your children or any property you own with your husband. In other words, she doesn't count, really. She could be with someone else tomorrow.

You might visit the State Bar website for your particular state and find a lawyer referral service that would contact you to a good ABA lawyer in Family Law. I work in a law office where we don't give legal advice to the public, but we're always referring people to our state's State Bar phone number or website.

Also, I want to commend you for keeping your cool during these "family times." It sounds like your dignity is well-preserved and in place. I think the kids will thank you for it later.

Last edited by cricket_factor; 04-30-2008 at 10:37 AM.. Reason: Additional thoughts.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-30-2008, 10:58 AM
 
Location: Austin, TX
2,669 posts, read 4,388,438 times
Reputation: 2123
Why did you she call you a B****?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-30-2008, 03:06 PM
 
Location: Branson, Missouri
7,251 posts, read 16,123,438 times
Reputation: 3597
I think the mature thing to do is for the 4 of you to have a talk and to reinerate that there are children involved. Your ex needs to tell his girlfriend that she needs to have some class at family functions and save the dirty talk for the bedroom. Kids do not need to hear a bunch of idiotic adults arguing and calling each other names.
As long as your ex is involved with this woman, her, you and the kids have to deal with each other so unless you want your kids to grow up neurotic and crazy, it's time to deal with it now or go to court and have a restraining order on her not to be around the kids but it's a lot easier to talk this out now.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-30-2008, 05:38 PM
 
Location: Beautiful Kentucky
820 posts, read 2,418,929 times
Reputation: 550
Oh, I can remember having so many of the same feelings you're now experiencing. First, I'll say I'm sorry that you're feeling the pain. Secondly, I'll remind you that this woman had and has no loyalty to you. Your husband should have and didn't. So, don't focus your anger at her.... it was your husband that allowed your family to be ruined. Also, you have very little legal ramifications about who your husband brings around. When I was divorced many years ago, I had a fairly conservative judge and my attorney was very clever in getting all the dirt out on the table during the divorce. My ex also acted like a ***hole costing lots more $. The judge was more than willing to rule that they couldn't be in a house overnight with her there. I'm not sure that all judges would go that far. If she verbally abuses you or your children or anything else, then I would certainly document that to be shared by your attorney.

If it means anything at all, I was finally able to become civil and friendly with my ex's woman who he eventually married. I learned to feel sorry for her actually! We would sit together at games, etc. I was able to see through her what it was like being married to him and count my blessings! He eventually had an affair on her - with another coworker (which she was originally), divorced her, and went on to marry the next one. The third wife is actually much worse than the second one in several respects - it can always get worse!

The only absolute expectation you have the right for is to expect that she treats your children respectfully with appropriate behaviors and actions. And of course that she doesn't curse you out.

Again, my wishes and prayers for you as I know this is a dark and heavy feeling on your heart. Not an easy or simple thing to figure out.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-30-2008, 05:52 PM
 
13,779 posts, read 22,257,506 times
Reputation: 7360
All you can do is ask your attorney if there is any motion that can be filed to keep her from your children. Do your children see a counselor? If so, inform the counselor of the situation an maybe they can help your children work through it.

While I have never experienced this, I hope you can take some pleasure in knowing this woman is taking your" hand me downs" that are obviously worn and torn.

Also, I would have to believe that their relationship will always be strained because they will never be able to trust the other one! They will always be suspicious of the other because they know they are both cheaters.

Sit back, take the high rowd and watch them implode. Hang in there!!!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-30-2008, 05:54 PM
 
Location: NJ
8,081 posts, read 18,846,774 times
Reputation: 4887
Quote:
Originally Posted by SVicchiullo View Post
My ex-husband cheated on me with the woman he is still now dating. Stating the obvious there is no love lost between her and I. It esculated on my daughters birthday when after agreeing that my ex and I would leave our signifigant others home that day, his new girlfriend not only shows up, but calls me a ***** in front of all 3 of our children. I thought that would be the end of it. Now he claims it's all water under the bridge and I have no right to say who he can and can't bring around the children. It hurt enough that they together broke up the family, it feels like adding insult to injury that he wants his cake and to eat it too. The children are torn of course, they love their father and want to spend time with him. The emphasis being with him, not her, but now during every visit he is pushing them to start spending time around her. They know that if they don't agree he just will stop coming around as much. He's done it in the past. Normally when he's angry with me, somehow they get caught in the crossfire.
I am trying to take the high road and I admit it's hard, however, for my children's sake I have told them to do what their father has asked. However, if it is at all possible, I would prefer that she not be around them. Do I have any legal standing to keep her away from my children?
Any information would be helpful.
Thanks
The best way is to not invite him over.. period.
I do birthday parties for the kids, that includes friends. If he wants to have a party for her, he can do so and pay for it as well.

I'm sorry but until he can get that bimbo from not being nice to you, he can not be included in the holidays or what ever. You are not obligated to even invite him.

Maybe the reason he allows her to do this is because you keep inviting them back. You're making things too easy on them. She screwed your hubby behind your back, he thwn left you for her and now he has the nerve to even bring her to your house or a party you are paying for?

If he can't have a relationship because he is too lazy to do things on his own then forget him and be mom & dad. The best thing I ever did was to stop have my son call his "father" to see if he was seeing him on his every other. My son will be 23 in September and I was there for everything, not "his father".
btw, same situation, left me with a 1 1/2 year old for his bartender. He was with her after I had my son & was still in the hospital. She then eventually became a school teacher (with no morals of course).
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-30-2008, 06:14 PM
 
Location: Beautiful Kentucky
820 posts, read 2,418,929 times
Reputation: 550
Quote:
Originally Posted by Roselvr View Post
The best way is to not invite him over.. period.
I do birthday parties for the kids, that includes friends. If he wants to have a party for her, he can do so and pay for it as well.

I'm sorry but until he can get that bimbo from not being nice to you, he can not be included in the holidays or what ever. You are not obligated to even invite him.

Maybe the reason he allows her to do this is because you keep inviting them back. You're making things too easy on them. She screwed your hubby behind your back, he thwn left you for her and now he has the nerve to even bring her to your house or a party you are paying for?

If he can't have a relationship because he is too lazy to do things on his own then forget him and be mom & dad. The best thing I ever did was to stop have my son call his "father" to see if he was seeing him on his every other. My son will be 23 in September and I was there for everything, not "his father".
btw, same situation, left me with a 1 1/2 year old for his bartender. He was with her after I had my son & was still in the hospital. She then eventually became a school teacher (with no morals of course).
There is a lot of comfort in distancing one's self from those things where you use to be "us" like birthday parties. I think it can take a while to get there or to realize that you're two separate homes and identities now. He has his stuff and you have yours. I stayed close to my former inlaws and would be invited to things including holiday dinners. I went for a while, but then realized that we all needed more closure and I needed to begin to establish new traditions for my kids and I. They had two families who were much better apart.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2017, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 - Top