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I recently reconnected with an old friend. I have always thought he was a great guy. It had been 11 years since we seen each other and he really is one of the greatest guys I have ever met. The problem is he has a girlfriend. Our conversations and feelings are getting a little risky. He has stated he is currently having relationship problems and despite their arguments he has not told her about me. I can lie and say we are just friends but it is becoming more than that. I talk to him everyday and we have even went on a trip. We did not have sex but we certainly got closer.
Am I setting myself up for failure or should I see where things go? I am very single and stand to loose the most when it comes to geting hurt (meaning I will be left alone). I REALLY DO THINK HE IS THE GREATEST GUY I HAVE EVER OR WILL EVER MEET, EVEN AFTER 11 years. I was TOO dumb to see it the first time, afraid to loose it this time. AM I SETTING MYSELF UP FOR FAILURE OR TAINTING A GOOD MAN BY PUTTING HIM IN THIS SITUATION?
My question would be if he has a girlfriend why is he on a trip with you? Does the girlfriend know about you? I would question his character and integrity if he is like this with her, won't he be like this with you too?
If he is having relationship issues, he should try to resolve those with the girlfriend or else man up and end it. Just my opinion. Watch yourself.
I REALLY DO THINK HE IS THE GREATEST I HAVE EVER OR WILL EVER MEET
If he's going on a trip with you while he's in a relationship with someone else, he's not the greatest guy you've ever met or ever will meet. In fact, unless he told his girlfriend/wife about the trip with you, he's a liar and a cheater.
I think that you have to be strong and cut off all contact with him until he resolves his current relationship. You need to know that he is leaving his girlfriend because of issues between the two of them, not because he is distracted by you. You do not want to be the direct cause of his breakup. And once he is done completely with his ex, begin your friendship again. Go slow, don't rush into his arms. Don't be his rebound girl.
I know this sounds hard, but you really only want him as your boyfriend if you can be in an emotionally healthy relationship with him. If it's meant to be and he really loves you, then everything will work out in time. Your patience will be rewarded.
Don't get into some twisted soap opera type of situation. It's just not worth it and it will be more painful for you. Don't settle for crumbs.
The problem is he has a girlfriend. Our conversations and feelings are getting a little risky. He has stated he is currently having relationship problems.... I talk to him everyday and we even went on a trip. We did not have sex but we certainly got closer.
AM I SETTING MYSELF UP FOR FAILURE OR TAINTING A GOOD MAN BY PUTTING HIM IN THIS SITUATION?
He has a girlfriend.
He is cheating on her with you.
Now he may be wanting to get out of his current relationship, and is using you as his ticket out.
But if he does get together with you then most likely he will cheat on you too.
Don't worry about tainting him, he's doing a great job of that himself.
How can he be a "good man" if he's traveling with a woman he has sexual feelings for (you), and not telling his girlfriend, and not yet single and free?
You are not being fair to yourself or him. If he wants you, let him be man enough to get out of his current relationship. He will eventually treat you the same as his is treating his current girlfriend. He sounds like trouble...not Mr. Wonderful.
Maybe theres a reason you didnt connect the first time. And theres a reason you are having problems connecting this time. You have many obstacles to endure in this situation. Some things are meant to be and some things are not. So choose wisely becuase this situation is very risky as you said. Honest relationships are hard to maintain, so you can imagine this relationship you are trying to develop will be hell on wheels. But you are a Big girl and you seem to be up for the challenge, so whether you take these posts into consideration or not just remember that you make your own bed
If he will cheat on her, then he will cheat on you.
I personally would have told him that "While I have feelings for you, I can't become involved with you while you are still involved with someone else" and leave it at that.
Ask your self the very real question of why he is playing around with you when he has a girlfriend? If he cares anything about your, why would he still be with his girlfriend. The answer to that is, he just isn't that into you. You already know the answer to the question of whether he will be loyal or not, the answer is NO.
Well, if deceit & dishonesty are virtues, then no, you're not setting yourself up for failure.
And I'll promise you this- he'll do to YOU what you're doing to HIM someday.
Life has a way of coming back around and biting us in the rump.
Enjoy.
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