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Case in point: She picks out his clothes before they go out, styles his hair, makes his lunches (complete with "I love you" notes inside) and takes it upon herself to apply the toothpaste before handing him his toothbrush each night.
Ew.
I have a mommy. And I don't want to be married to her.
When I marry my girlfriend, I'd much rather she concentrate on being my wife instead of my mother.
Sad. But some guys out there never stopped being momma's boys. And some women never stopped being daddy's little girl. I guess if it's understood between the two lovers that this is how their relationship is gonna operate, more power to them!
I would say Kristen is making the news because her behavior is off the charts!
I would also say that it is easy to fall into the trap of being more mothering than you might intend to be in a close relationship. Guys, help us out here and tell us how to draw the line???? What behaviors should we avoid, and which should we maintain so as not to cross that line?
I think sometimes, that I am guilty in this area, but I don`t put his toothpaste on his toothbrush.. thats going some right there. However, I fix his lunch for work everyday, and I put a chocolate kiss in it, but I have done this since day one.
He takes care of his own hygiene business, but other things, I know that I over do it at times.
Then...they EXPECT it, instead of RESPECT it, in time!
There's taking care of your spouse (giving him a back rub when he's tired and tense), and then there's mommying. Putting toothpaste on his toothbrush would go into that category. Ick. Not in this lifetime, unless he had suffered a stroke or was otherwise unable to care for himself.
Okay, I like to spoil my fiance with affection and attention but I would agree that this is going a bit far. I think if I were to try to put the toothpaste on his toothbrush for him, he'd look at me like I lost it and remind me that he can do that himself. Not that he wouldn't appreciate it but it's just a bit over the top.
I don't see anything wrong with preparing their lunch and even tossing in a little love note. That's kinda romantic and keeps a bit of the spark alive. I may suggest something to wear when we go out but no, I would not pick his clothes out for him other than perhaps a rare occassion. One thing I do enjoy doing is serving his dinner, but I've learned to ask him first if he'd like me to do it. Kind of a nice thing to do, not a mothering thing to do.
Women are by their very nature mothering and we do have to be careful that we don't cross that line. Our husbands need a wife, not another mother, and if we are not careful what mothering is done in the beginning and is found cute and enjoyable can become an issue of resentment later on in the relationship when it becomes expected and you are now moving through the house picking up dirty socks and what not.
They are our husbands, men, our partner's, not our son's. It would be interesting to hear from the guys and see what they enjoy and what they consider to be over the top.
I would say Kristen is making the news because her behavior is off the charts!
I would also say that it is easy to fall into the trap of being more mothering than you might intend to be in a close relationship. Guys, help us out here and tell us how to draw the line???? What behaviors should we avoid, and which should we maintain so as not to cross that line?
GOOD question. Always err on the side of caution! He's a man and should be able to generally take care of himself, and mommying behaviors are generally not something that is a turn on. And it won't earn you respect either.
1. Personal hygiene is personal.
2. Avoid the little love notes or anything like that, forever and ever.
3. Pretend you are in a movie, and he is like rambo. Would his woman pick out his tank top or load the bullets in his gun? Let him be independent most of the time, except when it comes to sex or finances or big stuff like that.
4. Don't make check-up phone calls or calls that don't have a business-like mindset. Calling and leaving a sexy voice message is cool, calling and saying "I just wanted to see how you were doing/what you were doing" is annoying and could fall under 'something my mommy would do.'
5. Don't serve him. Well, I take that back... Don't serve him in a way that a mom would serve a little boy. If you make dinner it's not necessary for you to set up the whole table yourself, put the food on his plate, and take everything away and clean it. The more he is made to pitch in, the less it is 'mommy taking care of me.'
6. Don't ever use a tone of voice, or even a phrase, that a mom would use, while talking to him. Every woman is different, but just a small example: I worked with a girl that was pretty cute, I was a little interested. We flirted, I grabbed her boobs, whatever. Then one day she was like 'aww are you tired?' and she rubbed me on the back. Now, just the way she said it and the timing and everything, sounded exactly like the way a mom would say it to her little boy. I lost all interest, and infact deleted her phone number. I'm not gonna bang my mom.
7. Don't nag. Moms nag. If you have to clean up after him and don't like it, just stop doing it, don't nag. Or do what roommates do and leave the dirty dishes in his room. Anything besides nagging.
8. Don't scold. You can get angry, you can yell, you can throw your purse at him. I don't know how you like to fight, but don't scold. Mommies scold their little boys, and make them feel like they have to go to their bedroom. Talk to him like you are a reasonable, rational adult. I don't know how to define 'scolding' for you, but when you are the recipient of such a tone you will know it. Better if you just cry to get your way.
That's all I can think of for now. Like I said, err on the side of caution. Leave the nurturing, comforting baby treatment for the kids, and leave your wife-turned-sl*t, equally yoked confident self for your husband. I've never been married, but I can't even poke a girl who treats me like I'm her little boy. Emasculation, anyone?
I do not mother my husband in the least. Yes, I've been known to make him his lunch for work(when he takes one), but it's not in a motherly way. I'm up earlier then him and I have the time.
I've also put toothpaste on his toothbrush, but he's done the same for me. It's not an everyday thing though either. We get ready for bed at the same time and if I get in the bathroom before him, I put it on his brush. The toothpaste is in my hands and going on my brush which is right next to his. He does this if he is the first one in the bathroom. It's not a mother/father type of behavior, just being nice. It rarely accurs in the morning. It's not like he goes to brush his teeth and I run after him to put the paste on or vice versa, that's motherly..
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