How many went thru a formal Pre-Marital Class ?

[NotARedneck]

Originally Posted by therewego

Actually, to some people, money is a very emotional topic which a financial consultant would not be able to help with that. Also, the way people spend, why they spend or do not spend, when they spend, and if debt is involved, how it will be paid off are things a financial consultant would probably find a bit time-wasting.

Yes, we're not talking about people with money to invest. Its the use of limited resources and setting realistic priorities.

[cpg35223]

Oh, God. Ours was awful.

I really think the value of these is inversely proportional to your life experience. If you're 18, I would regard it as mandatory. But if you're 28, with a degree, and pretty well-educated, then a lot of it is just a bunch of time-wasting hooey.

We were in with two other couples. One couple were 19 and absolutely clueless. They needed every single pointer possible. The other couple were seniors in college. They pretty much were in the same boat, except a bit more mature. And we were already successful professionals. We had nothing in common with these folks except the fact that we were getting married. The youngest couple didn't even understand how to balance a checkbook, while my bride-to-be had degrees in finance and accounting.

The couple who taught it, Mr. and Mrs. Whitebread, said that communication is the most important thing in a marriage. Okay, no sweat, there. Talk about things that bug you. I got that down in about fifteen seconds. Yet, for six weeks, we blabbed on and on about communications. This couple had been married for 15 years, and they kept a list of things on the refrigerator to discuss if they ran out of things to talk about. Like they were shooting for the merit badge or something.

Then, because my wife's folks were Catholic and adamant on the question of a Catholic marriage, we had to listen to a priest discuss sex and birth control. Now, here's a guy whose knowledge of sex was all theoretical, trying to discuss sex with the two of us--who could have probably not only given him some additional knowledge, but could have pointed out a few errors in his talk. And the family planning bit was just over the top, particularly since my fiancee had just refilled her prescription for The Pill on the way to our class.

On the whole it was about 10% common sense, 20% theology, and 70% psychobabble for the kind of people who like to read Self-Help books. I felt as if I had wasted six nights of my life that I would never have back again.

[HookTheBrotherUp]

Originally Posted by Hobokenkitchen

We did not go to a pre-marital class, but think it would have been a good idea.
We are fortunate in that we communicate very well, but I think having some kind of formal meeting or class with someone would be useful to most couples.

If I were doing it over I would consider going to a couples therapist for some sessions to discuss issues like money, family, children (the one we struggle with), etc.

I'm late to this party by almost a year, but saw it was bumped to the top, and so I just wanted to say that I agree with this post. The classes my wife and I took before being married were exactly on the topics you listed.

At least in our dioscese, the Catholic church requires that couples do this. It was not bad at all, and questions posed to us by our sponsors really did get us to think of certain things... religious views, how we would spend money, how one of would make a decision. There are many topics that people in love tend to gloss over, or don't even take into consideration, and these sessions help expose those. There was no right, or wrong answers to anything, just discussions which were interesting, and shed light on each of our traditions.

Fortunately we did well, and thought the same about most everhthing, especially how we raise the children, and all has been great, and continues to this day.

[#Littledog]

We went through the pre-marriage classes offered through the Catholic church and found them to be very beneficial.

[Tzaphkiel]

let's see i met him on an airplane,
we dated for 3 days and then went to the clinic together to get a diaphragm,
then 17 days later we got engaged and then we got married and then I left him and then we got back together and then we had 3 kids and then we got divorced

nope, guess we missed taking the pre-marital classes, I don't see it on the list

it would have been a really good idea
but it would have been an even better idea to trust my instincts that were screaming GET AWAY FROM THIS CREEP AS FAST AS YOU CAN, DON'T EVEN GO OUT WITH HIM or even the voice that was shouting IT'S A REALLY BAD IDEA TO AGREE TO MARRY SOMEONE YOU'VE ONLY KNOWN 3 WEEKS.

so i would say the classes would be very beneficial
also to trust the intuition
and i would say know the person at least three years before marrying them, and live with them at least a year before getting married. Meet the family/in-laws BEFORE you live together or get married. (My husband let me meet them only after a wedding date had been set, because he thought if I met them first I would change my mind. He knew exactly how scary they are.)

THOSE would have saved me a lot of heartache and headache
also don't get married at age 20, waaaaay too young

[go phillies]

We did pre-cana classes, which are required for Catholic weddings.