How many went thru a formal Pre-Marital Class ? (marriage, engagement, older)

[IbeDavid]

With Pre-Marital Counselling and Classes on the rise, im wondering how many took advantage of this ? Did you do it while you were engaged, or, did you go thru it before you got engaged but were talking seriously of marriage ? Which did you go thru and what did it beneficial things did it uncover for you and your Partner ? Thanks for sharing your experience.

[Hobokenkitchen]

We did not go to a pre-marital class, but think it would have been a good idea.
We are fortunate in that we communicate very well, but I think having some kind of formal meeting or class with someone would be useful to most couples.

If I were doing it over I would consider going to a couples therapist for some sessions to discuss issues like money, family, children (the one we struggle with), etc.

[115db]

I wasnt aware there were pre-marital classes after all these years!

[therewego]

We did go through an engagement weekend through the church that married us. For us, it served as a confirmation that we were ready to be married, now 11 years. We communicate well with each other so had discussed a lot already. For other couples we saw and heard, it brought to light a lot of topics that were not discussed yet such as having a family, child discipline, money/budget, scenarios such as if she were promoted but asked to move would he follow, how will you split holidays between families, etc... One of our couples did not make it, they quit after too many arguments.

[shuke]

We went through a series of "classes", which were really more like counselling sessions, with our pastor before finally saying the vows. He covered the basics, and recommended we wait at least a few years before having kids, which we did. The problem, though, is that people change over time, and at any given point in time, one just doesn't know what one doesn't know. In our case, we wound up growing apart, especially after the third child was born. And I think we both wanted to grow together, and we really tried, but it just wasn't meant to be.

[bluegrassgirl]

We went through classes (divorced a long time now) and I can say they made no difference in our case. I suspect that is because we were too young to get married in the first place. This was in 1981 and neither of us really understood or had the life experience to utilize what we learned.

If I were to ever get married again, which I don't plan on, I'd go through it again. I think for an older couple that bring past relationships, children, different homes, etc., into the mix it is even more important. I have a grown son who is engaged although I don't think they'll ever make it to the altar personally - I surely want them to get some counseling. I also think a counselor or pastor who just goes down his list instead of involving a couple and finding out about them isn't going to be effective - that often happens.

[Fat Freddy]

We had our first Pre-Marital Class in the back seat of my car.

We both got C-.

The next class we had in Motel 6.

We got a B in that one.

We last class was the night we moved in together.

We both got A+ that time and graduated with Honors.

[Davachka]

Not familiar with pre-marital courses, it must be church related, in which case that would not apply to us.

We discussed finances, future children, roles, expectations, pet peeves, retirement, what to do if one of us becomes a vegetable and everything else under the sun PRIOR to marrying.

It baffles me how many couples do not have these discussions until it is too late, which shows they lack one of the most important aspects of a relationship: communication. Fortunately, we communicate without the aid of a counselor.

[itlchick]

We did go through the classes. It was pretty fun actually. For some reason, the food was delicious (weird).

But we had already talked about that stuff.

[artsyguy]

I didn't realize couples therapists could give advice on money issues.

I would talk to a financial consultant about money issues not a couples therapist.

Originally Posted by Hobokenkitchen

We did not go to a pre-marital class, but think it would have been a good idea.
We are fortunate in that we communicate very well, but I think having some kind of formal meeting or class with someone would be useful to most couples.

If I were doing it over I would consider going to a couples therapist for some sessions to discuss issues like money, family, children (the one we struggle with), etc.