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That is just a disasterous situation...It will not work if he doesn't love her...And if she did this to him to 'keep him',,,then she does not love him either...It will end, no question. He should make sure his name goes on the birth certificate. I have 2 friends who got prego and did not put the father's name on the bc. They were mad at them because they did not want to be with them...So now, these 2 guys are trying to see their kids. Now they have to prove they are the father..ie foot the bill for genetic testing, court fees etc etc...So my advice would be for him to stick around with her through the delivery, be sure his name is on the bc as the father and then he should decide what he wants to do from there. If he does not stick around through the pregnacy, she will be upset and mad and want to hurt him... So if he wants to be a part of this childs life, he needs to do that for himself.
But personally, if he is questioning his feelings for her at this point, I think it is safe to say he should move on...when the time is right of course. It is better to raise a child in 2 loving homes then one broken and damaged home.
REPLY: Love is a decision and not always the warm fuzzy feelings that Hollywood has duped us all with ; he can LEARN to love her just as he will LEARN to love his child he made with her . Too bad if it has to be now developed a bit at a time in his situation , but he is going about it in the correct manner by doing what is right . And for that, he can walk with his chin high.
I was the one who got pregnant but we were in a long term relationship - but did not live together. Luckily I made enough money to sustain the child without financial help from the dad.
But he was an upstanding guy and gave money anyway and was in his child's life 100% (until I moved out of state with my husband years later)
I like that your friend is commiting to the child's life. But in no way, shape or form, does he need to commit to the woman - I'm telling you the relationship will eventually fall apart. The bed that he "made" that he needs to "lie in" is FATHERHOOD, not MARRIAGE.
My husband's parents HAD TO get married because she was pregnant (back in 1964), and my husband since his adult years has hear his dad say numerous times how he would have "never married your mom if she wasn't pregnant"...luckily they are seperated now, after 34 years of marriage - once the last kid left the house - there was no reason for them to be together anymore.
I was the one who got pregnant but we were in a long term relationship - but did not live together. Luckily I made enough money to sustain the child without financial help from the dad.
But he was an upstanding guy and gave money anyway and was in his child's life 100% (until I moved out of state with my husband years later)
I like that your friend is commiting to the child's life. But in no way, shape or form, does he need to commit to the woman - I'm telling you the relationship will eventually fall apart. The bed that he "made" that he needs to "lie in" is FATHERHOOD, not MARRIAGE.
My husband's parents HAD TO get married because she was pregnant (back in 1964), and my husband since his adult years has hear his dad say numerous times how he would have "never married your mom if she wasn't pregnant"...luckily they are seperated now, after 34 years of marriage - once the last kid left the house - there was no reason for them to be together anymore.
REPLY: If he was willing to have sex with her, he should be willing to support the Baby financially and emotionally. Babys arent disposable things you know (?) you see, when a penis goes in a vagina, sometimes it results in a baby being concieved, and that Baby is a human being which needs to have BOTH parents there for its proper emotional development and overall wellbeing. I greatly respect your friends decision because it shows he isnt totally self centered and is willing to accept the responsibility instead of just having used her as a Sperm Donor then splitting . As far as him not loving her ; that is secondary. Love is something that can come about later . Tell your friend
to give the relationship between her and him EVERY possible opportunity to grow and be nurtured ... and there will be a very good chance that they can end up being a committed happy family where their child will have the best possible chance. Thanks for doing that for me.
I never said he wasn't and doesn't want to support this child or her during her pregnancy. HE DOES. He WANTS to be in this childs life and he knows "babys aren't disposable."
Thank you for the sex ed lesson, but I do think most of us on here are old enough to know HOW a baby is conceived.
I TOTALLY agree with this reply! If he doesn't love her, he SHOULDN'T marry her or live with her. But, he SHOULD still be there for the child. As far as that word "trapped" goes......yes, there are women out there that do "trap" a man into marriage by getting pregnant. Heck, there was an artilce I read once about women, who wanted a baby so-so bad, that they would go to a Bar, pick up a man, sleep with him and INTENTIONALLY get pregnant. That is just the way our Society is today. Sad, but all so very true!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by CityGirl72
Okay been there
I was the one who got pregnant but we were in a long term relationship - but did not live together. Luckily I made enough money to sustain the child without financial help from the dad.
But he was an upstanding guy and gave money anyway and was in his child's life 100% (until I moved out of state with my husband years later)
I like that your friend is commiting to the child's life. But in no way, shape or form, does he need to commit to the woman - I'm telling you the relationship will eventually fall apart. The bed that he "made" that he needs to "lie in" is FATHERHOOD, not MARRIAGE.
My husband's parents HAD TO get married because she was pregnant (back in 1964), and my husband since his adult years has hear his dad say numerous times how he would have "never married your mom if she wasn't pregnant"...luckily they are seperated now, after 34 years of marriage - once the last kid left the house - there was no reason for them to be together anymore.
In this day and age, it's a fact that many people have premarital sex. We are not in the 1950's anymore. I didn't ask for your opinion as to whether premarital sex was right or wrong.
Why should he marry someone he doesn't love??
Why should he BANG someone he doesn't love??
Quote:
Originally Posted by msjack
You can say a lot of people in OTHER cultures do it, but not in OUR culture. That's not fair to either one of them. If it were me, why would I want to marry a man I didn't love or if he didn't love me??
Why would you want to BANG a man you didn't love or if he didn't love you?
Quote:
Originally Posted by msjack
A man CAN take care of his child even if he doesn't live there full time.
Not as well as a man who lives there full time. I don't care if the guy works THREE jobs. At least he's there whenever he can be.
Quote:
Originally Posted by msjack
My parents divorced when I was very young. Young enough that I don't even remember them being together. I didn't turn out "devious".
Actually, I said "deviant". You're sitting here telling me that your friend shouldn't take FULL and COMPLETE responsibility for his actions, just because "he doesn't have to". I can't be the only person who thinks that's very abnormal.
Quote:
Originally Posted by msjack
He does want to take responsibility, and I TOTALLY agree that he should. I just believe he can be a father, but that doesn't mean that he has to be with a woman he doesn't love.
Then why did he BANG a woman he doesn't love? This makes me absolutely sick to my stomach! You aren't the only one who says what you say... a lot of people say it. You shouldn't marry someone you don't love. You shouldn't marry someone who doesn't love you. Okay, I agree with that. But why the double standard? Why is it okay to have sex with, and risk creating a child with, someone whom you don't love and/or who does not love you? Give me a break! If you play, you pay!
Asking a question on this board will get you replies like the one from NWPAguy. Some people refuse to accept that people can have sex and children outside of marriage.
Don't go there. As a matter of fact, I fully accept that people can have sex and children outside of marriage. They CAN do it and they have. Does that mean they SHOULD??
I also fully accept that people can murder other people, molest little children, shoplift, vandalize, and rob. They CAN and have. Does that mean they SHOULD??
Double standards aren't right, no matter how often people may try to make them seem fashionable.
She wanted to be with him, he didn't want to be with her, but he would sleep with her....so she got pregnant to keep him.
You know this for a fact? She got prego on purpose? This was her master plan?
It doesn't sound like much of a plan at all. It sounds like something that just happened.
And I agree with some of the others. Your pal was a moron to be bagging this chick without either having some feelings for her or at least making sure he was protected from such an event. Or was she such a master saboteur that she decided not to take her pill and poked holes in his condoms when he was sleeping?
DrJones, you're right on. I tell ya, though I stayed a virgin until I got married, I know for a fact that there were some girls I dated who wanted to get me in the sack so that they could become pregnant by me and keep me around. It's a common trick, when the girl knows that she has a guy hanging around whom she REALLY wants to be with. I never went for that game, because I knew what the game was. When one has sex, one has to accept that there is a probability greater than zero of contracting an STD or conceiving a child. I've known couples where the guy used a condom and the girl used the pill... or so they said... and she still got pregnant. It happens.
I say that, through raising this child, the aforementioned man and woman can develop a bond which only parents can have. They'd both share a common love for the child. Countless married couples claim to have developed a deeper love for each other through their child-rearing experiences.
Why would you want to BANG a man you didn't love or if he didn't love you?
Not as well as a man who lives there full time. I don't care if the guy works THREE jobs. At least he's there whenever he can be.
Actually, I said "deviant". You're sitting here telling me that your friend shouldn't take FULL and COMPLETE responsibility for his actions, just because "he doesn't have to". I can't be the only person who thinks that's very abnormal.
Then why did he BANG a woman he doesn't love? This makes me absolutely sick to my stomach! You aren't the only one who says what you say... a lot of people say it. You shouldn't marry someone you don't love. You shouldn't marry someone who doesn't love you. Okay, I agree with that. But why the double standard? Why is it okay to have sex with, and risk creating a child with, someone whom you don't love and/or who does not love you? Give me a break! If you play, you pay!
He can "BANG" whoever he wants. She also "BANGED" him. It's a free country and people can do whatever and WHOever they want. Not everyone is scared the moral police will come after them.
You can get sick to your stomach all you want, but it's a fact of life now. People do have premarital sex. But that's not what I'm asking or debating. We could "discuss" this until we're blue in the face and would never agree. Who gave you a right to judge. Don't have premarital sex if you don't want, that's YOUR choice. But don't sit here and judge because someone does. IT's not your RIGHT to judge.
You are the one who said your Dad was there, but wasn't really there. How is this different than someone who see's there Dad 50% of the time, but actually spends QUALITY time with them. You saw your Dad 100% of the time, and your own words were " he wasn't there as much as my brother and I would have liked". So COME ON. GIVE ME A BREAK.
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