How do I tell him?

[Tzaphkiel]

Originally Posted by the one

besides if he loves you enough to propose, then he should love you enough to deal with whatever physical issues you will face.

No, having children can be a very real factor in choosing a partner, it has nothing to do with loving a person or not. It is an important conversation to have and necessary before people decide to get married: not just whether to have kids, but how many, and birth children or adopted.

Everyone has their own "must have" criteria before committing to something as big as marriage, and those are to be respected and honored; rather than shaming or judging or expecting them to be forfeited in the name of love. Rather, it is a high act of love to be honest with yourself and with your sweetheart about what those must-have criteria are. To say 'anything works for love' is a bit naive and sweeping and unrealistic.

[Tzaphkiel]

Originally Posted by katreese

Also, the thought that you have been afraid to tell him after all this time is a red flag to me. In my experience, when I've been afraid to tell someone something - it's because I have concerns about them that I'm not admitting to myself.

This is excellent and right on the mark, I have to agree with katreese here. In general the longer I wait, when there is something that I need to tell someone, the worse it gets for everyone concerned, and I just feel heavier and heavier, and the dread just drags on me.

I usually break out of that heavy dread and unwillingness to have the conversation, by telling myself it takes a lot of courage to speak; that I know I'm doing the right thing and that is a mark of character; and that at least I'll know what the outcome is and I can get on with my life one way or the other. It frees up a tremendous amount of energy. You have your dignity and self-respect no matter what.

And it is a sure-fire way to see what this guy is made of, let him show his stuff, let him show you one way or the other what HE is made of, and you can decide from there what the relationship looks like for you.

There is a saying 'you're only as sick as your secrets' and a piece of that is it is very healthy to bring something out in the open, healthy for you, for the relationship, for your future.

Best wishes to you and you have a wonderful future ahead of you regardless of what happens.