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I currently live with 2 other girls and 2 guys. I also have a guy that I am VERY interested in and am building a relationship with. He might be the one.
One of the girls and one of the guys have been dating. But lately, I've gotten some wierd vibes from the guy. He's asked me to go out with him alone, which I didn't think about much because he has been a good friend of mine for a long time. Recently, after having drinks or partying, he will cuddle or snuggle with me, kiss me (no more than pecks on cheek, neck), and has asked to sleep with me (which I have always turned down). The sexual tension seems a little more elevated than I feel comfortable with. Nobody else in the house really knows about anything going on, because most of this goes on at 2 a.m. after a night of partying.
Now he is newly single (ugh). I'm concerned that will create more issues between us. I'm not interested in him as any more than a friend, and I'm not sure what to do. I have thought about talking to him, but what if I am not reading his feelings correctly, and he has no interest in me? Then, that makes me feel foolish. I HAVE to be able to live with him, as no other living arrangement seems possible at this time (and we have a lease). I also want to remain friends with his ex. Plus, I do not want him to come in between my current relationship.
Sorry this is so long. Any suggestions on what I do here?
I also have a guy that I am VERY interested in and am building a relationship with. He might be the one.
If you are serious with your current boyfriend you will not spend any more time with your friend if the tensions still exist. However, you have been somewhat entertaining this "tension" and I question whether he is the "one". You know what you want don't you? Go for it even if it hurt someones feelings. Life is too short.
Communicate... let one of them know who the "one" is.. as you seem to be at a loss of who that "one" is..
He should have already known you were going out with someone else.. and you should have stopped him dead in his tracks with all the kissing and stuff.. That would have put him in his place right off the bat.. Now you have a bigger mess to deal with.. Trust me it aint hard putting people in their places.. He leans over to kiss you.. you put your hand up.. and say .. uhmm no thanks.. I like you.. but not that way.. We can still be friends...
That easy.. tension is still there.. as it will be.. but not sexual tension. Tension in the fact that he did something stupid.. Also.. by you letting him kiss you.. you more or less led his butt on.. next time.. dont kiss someone that you dont want to have anything happening with...
I guess the point of my post is that I am 100% sure I do not want a relationship with this guy and that I know my current relationship is the one I have more feelings for and want to continue. I understand a few things that have happened are questionable and I want them to stop. However, I need to address what is going on with my roommate in a way that we will still be able to be friends because we do have to live with one another and have many, many mutual friends.
I guess the point of my post is that I am 100% sure I do not want a relationship with this guy and that I know my current relationship is the one I have more feelings for and want to continue. I understand a few things that have happened are questionable and I want them to stop. However, I need to address what is going on with my roommate in a way that we will still be able to be friends because we do have to live with one another and have many, many mutual friends.
You had better do it fast then.. nothing more timely then the present.. to continue to put it on the back burner will surely burn the house down.. Deal with it as soon as possible.. and for petes sake.. dont let him get near you anymore..
Sorry gonna break up and rearrange your post a little to make my response flow a bit better.
Quote:
Originally Posted by allieanne
I have thought about talking to him, but what if I am not reading his feelings correctly, and he has no interest in me? Then, that makes me feel foolish. I HAVE to be able to live with him, as no other living arrangement seems possible at this time (and we have a lease)
Based on the quote below this one, the things that have taken place, there is obviously some interest there, even if merely sexual. See highlighted parts.
Quote:
Originally Posted by allieanne
He's asked me to go out with him alone, which I didn't think about much because he has been a good friend of mine for a long time. Recently, after having drinks or partying, he will cuddle or snuggle with me, kiss me (no more than pecks on cheek, neck), and has asked to sleep with me (which I have always turned down). The sexual tension seems a little more elevated than I feel comfortable with.
Now... its probably become a very sticky situation because you say...
Quote:
Originally Posted by allieanne
I'm not interested in him as any more than a friend, and I'm not sure what to do.
However, for someone that is not interested in him as anything more than a friend, you have been sending mixed singles by allowing some of those bolded things above transpire.
So what to do now... well you are going to have to talk to him and kinda set some boundaries as to what is acceptible or not. Just be honest with him and tell him you are not feeling comfortable with what is going on and you really don't want to risk the friendship being damaged in any way so want to address it now because you don't want to be sending him the wrong signals either.
I also find a little concerning what the time frame of these incidents were. Was he dating that other girl when these things occured? Were you dating the guy you think is "the one" when these things occcured? If so then it was even more inappropriate for those things to take place in the first place. Even more so then you just not being interested in him that way. Not trying to judge your anything, I mean I don't know you, but just my opinion. If either of you were in a relationship, then there should not have been any snuggling, cuddling or pecks going on, much less a request to sleep together.
It is clear that personal boundaries need to be established in this situation and quickly too.
I say stick to one guy and stop "snuggling" with another. Maybe there are too many people living under the same roof?????????? Are there not any other apartments around you?
Stop snuggling and kissing with the guy. If you think there is nothing there, why are you doing it? You talk about this like it is nothing, no big. If you found the guy that is 'the one' you need to grow up and realize that snuggling with another guy is 'something'
I agree...we do have too many people living under one roof. We are all college students trying to better ourselves and get degrees while working not much more than minimum wage jobs, so this arrangement was most economical for us at the time it was made. Lease runs out in September, and I already know I will be looking for something else (one other female roommate at the most). Until then, I'm kind of stuck there because I am obligated to my portion of the rent. I can't afford to pay that and for somewhere else to live, too.
My current boyfriend and I had been off and on, nothing too serious. Since this situation over the past month, it has made me realize how much I do care about my current boyfriend and appreciate his maturity and the respect he has for me. We have just in the past few days discussed a more exclusive relationship, which is why I need to take care of my situation with the roommate. I was just hoping to do it without messing up any friendships, too.
I will be talking to him when he gets home tonight. There's no other option.
I agree...we do have too many people living under one roof. We are all college students trying to better ourselves and get degrees while working not much more than minimum wage jobs, so this arrangement was most economical for us at the time it was made. Lease runs out in September, and I already know I will be looking for something else (one other female roommate at the most). Until then, I'm kind of stuck there because I am obligated to my portion of the rent. I can't afford to pay that and for somewhere else to live, too.
This is probably true unless you can find an alternative. Perhaps there is some other mutual friend that would like to take over your portion of the rental. As long as the other roomies like that person too, it should not be a problem. Win/Win situation. Roomies still have someone paying that part of the rent, you get out of the sticky situation and are able to focus on your guy w/o the tension revolving around the other guy and the mutual friend gets a place to live.
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