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Please please respond -->So I posted about this before so this is a follow up question, but to recap: very close friends with this girl for 3 years. During this time she was with someone. We stayed friends until she broke up with her guy about 4 months ago. immediately with started hanging out. We discussed everything, including the rebound issue. We decided to take things slow. last 2 months or so, we started spending time 24-7 (note we were very close friends before so we talked often before too). She met my family, i met hers (but we only introduced each other as friends) -although her side of her family knows we are friends plus (because she told them that she thinks she can see herself being with me in the long run and that she really likes me. Her fam knew of me before hand as her close friend but we never met until this time). During this time we started having sexual relationship as well.
Problem: recently because we started studying for this major board exam. Because its a 2 month demanding strech (we study every day from day to night), she decided that we should be the sexual part out and focusing on the study part. I decided to roll with it, but i started worrying that maybe this was a rebound for her and she is falling out of feelings for me. So now we do everything as before, (spend the night to gether, study together all day, and on a day off hang out together). to my knowlegde, she does not really talk to other guys (except one guy she met couple of months ago that keeps contact with her through email). She has told me numerous times that she is not ready to be in realtionship and she need to go out and date etc (note I never asked her to be in a realtionship). She also added that not that she wants to do it, but she wants to have that discretion. To my knowledge she has not done that yet.
What did I do? so lately because of fear of being the rebound, I decided that I need to get my stuff and move out. We had an argument that night about our feelings for each other. She is stuck on saying lets wait until the exam is over and then we can examine it. But im afraid that once the exam is over and she had her fix, she is going to be like oh okay well I just realized I only like you as my close friend). Im afraid im going to get hurt. (while she can also end up saying she does really like me like she told me she does before). I decided this is too much and packed my stuff and was about to walk out in the morning; BUT she starts to get really sad and teary eyed and starts opening up mor eand telling me she likes me but she just needs to focus on the test, i need to focus on the test, and whatever happens afterwards (either we end up to gether, we stay together, or she goes out and dates other guys) lets wait until then. (from being her close friend, I do know that during exams she blocks out everything). So basically talked me into not leaving and staying.
I am torn about this, should I stay or should I go?
Don't wait for her, you are going to get hurt. If she has told you multiple times that she doesn't want a relationship and has ended sex for an exam, then she is hinting that her feelings aren't there like yours are. Get out now.
the prob is I am her closest friend of 3 years so i knw that she is like that with everyone (including her parents and her past ex) when it comes to exams, she blocks everything off. Which is what makes is difficult, is it the rebound thing kicking in or is she just being that way for now
Please please respond -->So I posted about this before so this is a follow up question, but to recap: very close friends with this girl for 3 years. During this time she was with someone. We stayed friends until she broke up with her guy about 4 months ago. immediately with started hanging out. We discussed everything, including the rebound issue. We decided to take things slow. last 2 months or so, we started spending time 24-7 (note we were very close friends before so we talked often before too). She met my family, i met hers (but we only introduced each other as friends) -although her side of her family knows we are friends plus (because she told them that she thinks she can see herself being with me in the long run and that she really likes me. Her fam knew of me before hand as her close friend but we never met until this time). During this time we started having sexual relationship as well.
Problem: recently because we started studying for this major board exam. Because its a 2 month demanding strech (we study every day from day to night), she decided that we should be the sexual part out and focusing on the study part. I decided to roll with it, but i started worrying that maybe this was a rebound for her and she is falling out of feelings for me. So now we do everything as before, (spend the night to gether, study together all day, and on a day off hang out together). to my knowlegde, she does not really talk to other guys (except one guy she met couple of months ago that keeps contact with her through email). She has told me numerous times that she is not ready to be in realtionship and she need to go out and date etc (note I never asked her to be in a realtionship). She also added that not that she wants to do it, but she wants to have that discretion. To my knowledge she has not done that yet.
What did I do? so lately because of fear of being the rebound, I decided that I need to get my stuff and move out. We had an argument that night about our feelings for each other. She is stuck on saying lets wait until the exam is over and then we can examine it. But im afraid that once the exam is over and she had her fix, she is going to be like oh okay well I just realized I only like you as my close friend). Im afraid im going to get hurt. (while she can also end up saying she does really like me like she told me she does before). I decided this is too much and packed my stuff and was about to walk out in the morning; BUT she starts to get really sad and teary eyed and starts opening up mor eand telling me she likes me but she just needs to focus on the test, i need to focust on the test, and whatever happens afterwards (either we end up to gether, we stay together, or she goes out and dates other guys) lets wait until then. (from being her close friend, I do know that during exams she blocks out everything). So basically talked me into not leaving and staying.
I am torn about this, should I stay or should I go?
Ever hear the one about letting the bird go and if it returns it was meant to be? Try it.. Sounds to me like you are stressing out about something that you should not be stressing about at this point.
IMHO, I'd leave once the exam is over. At this point, you both don't need any extra stress before the exam and any actions you take will only add to it. Once the exam is over, move out and let her get her act together. Later, discuss where you both might be heading, but be prepared to move on.
I think she's being kinda manipulative here, waiting until you're about to walk out the door to cry and beg you to stay. Like I said in your other thread, I agree that you should go. Take some time apart from her.
Thanks for the reply everyone. My instincts tell me to leave and stay that is the problem. If i leave I know this will def have an impact on the most important part of her life. If I go, i also feel like I am going to really really miss her. If i stay, it will help her but it will also subject me to these emotional roller coaster. For example yesterday I did something really thoughtful for her because she was so stressed out and I left the apt while she enjoyed it and came back an hour later. Everything was fine and then we went to bed her phone kept ringing with texts and emails; It was very loud so I politely asked her if she can turn it down/ put it on vibrate so i can sleep. She went off about how i am doing the same thing as her ex, i didnt want people texting her bla bla bla. It set me off and I refused to apologize for anything ebcause I have not done anything wrong. I got up to leave so enraged but decided to stay because I knew it will hurt her if i leave (i hate it that i cared about that). it scared me because I have never been that upset before. Now we are stitting here studying in the apt as if last night did not happen. I dont know what the hell is going on. Why did i get myself into. Last time i will ever have a woman as my closest friend and last time I sure as hell will fall a close friend. it is an incredibly hard situation. I am thinking about staying here till i get clear minded for a day and two and maybe leave on monday for good. I will miss my best friend and I have fallen for her, but unless i change my mind when I am able to think clearer in a day or two, I am really determined to cut her loose as if right now.
it just makes me sad because i have known her for so long (3 1/2 years), I know she is a sweet girl. I think she is hurting and her last ex did number on her (she dont even realize it yet) that she dont know how to have healthy responses, everything is either tic for tac or hurt them ebfore they hurt you mentality. I have also noticed that everytime I do something really really sweet for her and it makes her emtional, some how we end up fighting over something random when we are going to bed. So I am thinking she is reacting to chase me away because it reminds of her a time when she was loved and how that relationship ended. (she randomly says, "I d ont want to be in relationship, you are not my boyfriend", mind you i never asked her to be in relationship and sometimes she even says that at random times. ironically this is the same thing she used to tell her ex. At times, i dont even feel like she is talking to me when she says it because she says it randomly, its like she is speaking to him still kind of thing. But she turns around and spends time with me 24-7, we sleep together every night (we cut out sex for last couple of weeks), she apologizes for her behaviour after wards and says she is going through stuff and how much she appreciates me, to be patient with her bla bla. sigh it sure is complicated. she also says I remind her a lot about her ex (guy is nice guy, the only reason they broke up is because their careers are incompatible, but my career and her is, so i didnt really see that as a bad thing). Thank you for your inputs, please keep them coming!
I'm also studying for boards and know how stressful it is but it seems your friend is using that as an excuse for her indecisiveness. In my opinion, you should leave, give her some space and time to consider what kind of relationship she wants from you.
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-->So I posted about this before so this is a follow up question, but to recap: very close friends with this girl for 3 years. During this time she was with someone. We stayed friends until she broke up with her guy about 4 months ago. immediately with started hanging out. We discussed everything, including the rebound issue. We decided to take things slow. last 2 months or so, we started spending time 24-7 (note we were very close friends before so we talked often before too). She met my family, i met hers (but we only introduced each other as friends) -although her side of her family knows we are friends plus (because she told them that she thinks she can see herself being with me in the long run and that she really likes me. Her fam knew of me before hand as her close friend but we never met until this time). During this time we started having sexual relationship as well.
