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Old 11-12-2008, 12:12 AM
 
2,251 posts, read 3,259,844 times
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No, they just are usually brainwashed by society into thinking that's the right thing to do, i.e. they'll lose the girl if they don't eventually propose. People are very strange. I dated a girl about two years ago who kept talking about her ex, "Oh well my ex brought me breakfast in bed." "Oh well my ex got me a dozen roses just for fun," etc. I don't get intimidated by that kind of thing because I could care less, honestly. She can take a hike if she doesn't like me, haha, see if I care. So I finally asked, "Honestly your ex sounds like a great guy, why are you not with him now?" I wasn't just trying to be a smart-ass, I was really curious, because I'm thinking what was wrong with this dude? Sounds like a nice guy to me. She said, "Well he didn't want to get married right now, so I thought, 's**t or get off the pot' and that's why we broke up." I said, "So you had a great relationship, but just because he didn't want to get married you broke up with him?" "Pretty much." That makes no sense to me at all. All you can expect out of a relationship is for it to add to your life and be something positive, to have a good time and find a cool person to spend time with, and you dump them because they won't commit to some religious ritual / legal bondage right now? So peculiar.

Most guys who actually get excited about marriage are complete tools. There are guys who think it's the best option they have for now, it makes sense to them, they've thought it through, etc. Great. But to be EXCITED by getting married like it's some great life dream or amazing? Tools.
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Old 11-12-2008, 12:14 AM
 
Location: southern california
50,278 posts, read 47,627,816 times
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not at all they know what they are doing and its working$$$. the bainwashed ones are the guys that let it happen. see the lawyer b4 the marriage not after.
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Old 11-12-2008, 01:59 AM
Status: "cookie time" (set 9 hours ago)
 
1,748 posts, read 1,584,798 times
Reputation: 1361
I know I guy who is addicted to marriage. With three girls that I know of he wanted to marry them right after he started dating them. It's an insecurity thing. He finally found one who was dumb enough to do it. Boy is she in for a ride.

Women are brainwashed about marriage from day one. It starts when you are little with the dollhouses and princesses and fairy tales. You think getting married is the most important thing that will ever happen to you. You learn you need to be as pretty as possible every second in case you run into "the one" who is going to save you from having to form your own life. He's gonna pay the bills and fix the house and solve every little thing. You think about the dress and the colors you want and who's gonna be in your wedding. It doesn't occur to you that you'll still be alive after the wedding day! What would you do then? Will you be chopped liver?

I am newly single again and I think I will remain that way forever. Even though I know marriage isn't everything, I still do feel like something is wrong with me since I never had that big day or the registry or the white house with the picket fence. The messages are still everywhere as adults--the diamond ring commercials and the chick flicks that always end with the wedding. It's all so romantic and happy and--inescapable. It's unrealistic but hard to give up on. To focus on career, friends, etc. comparatively seems dull. But to know that in reality most couples aren't all that thrilled with each other day-to-day is somewhat of a relief. Also that many will end up divorced. Then things even out a bit.
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Old 11-12-2008, 07:53 AM
 
1,301 posts, read 1,565,335 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JonathanLB View Post
No, they just are usually brainwashed by society into thinking that's the right thing to do, i.e. they'll lose the girl if they don't eventually propose. People are very strange. I dated a girl about two years ago who kept talking about her ex, "Oh well my ex brought me breakfast in bed." "Oh well my ex got me a dozen roses just for fun," etc. I don't get intimidated by that kind of thing because I could care less, honestly. She can take a hike if she doesn't like me, haha, see if I care. So I finally asked, "Honestly your ex sounds like a great guy, why are you not with him now?" I wasn't just trying to be a smart-ass, I was really curious, because I'm thinking what was wrong with this dude? Sounds like a nice guy to me. She said, "Well he didn't want to get married right now, so I thought, 's**t or get off the pot' and that's why we broke up." I said, "So you had a great relationship, but just because he didn't want to get married you broke up with him?" "Pretty much." That makes no sense to me at all. All you can expect out of a relationship is for it to add to your life and be something positive, to have a good time and find a cool person to spend time with, and you dump them because they won't commit to some religious ritual / legal bondage right now? So peculiar.

Most guys who actually get excited about marriage are complete tools. There are guys who think it's the best option they have for now, it makes sense to them, they've thought it through, etc. Great. But to be EXCITED by getting married like it's some great life dream or amazing? Tools.
Whaat? That chick have problems herself...with herself!

Yeah, there are a lot of young women out there who sabatoge themselves like that. It just irks me A LOT when a girl gets a good man, and then, just act stupid with him and breaks it off because he doesn't fit into her fantasy!..and my friend and I and many other single girls who are looking and waiting for a good man are having trouble finding one and she gets off like that! OOOhhhh!!!

Oh yes, yes. We girls get fantasy crap shoved down our throats since we started walking! So, it's no surprise when one breaks off with a really nice guy.

By the way JohnLB, I haven't know any guy who gets excited about getting married....so, is that where the "Wedding Day Jitters" comes in instead? Anyone?
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Old 05-06-2009, 10:33 AM
 
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I strongly agree that women are conditioned or better yet brainwashed about marriage. It seems we can't see past the wedding day. Prince Charming don't exist Ladies!!
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Old 05-06-2009, 01:43 PM
 
Location: MI
41 posts, read 83,714 times
Reputation: 46
This is all very refreshing to read!

My boyfriend and I are planning to marry; we respect marriage as a vow of lifelong commitment and raising a family together. HOWEVER - my enormous frustration and disenchantment with weddings stems from my traditional Italian Catholic family!!! Every f'ing big church/big reception wedding I've gone to has been a pain in the rear because I'm severe-profound hearing impaired; I can't hear a dang word said during any of it! It's impossible to lip-read at circular tables for 12 in a banquet room of 300-400, or to converse while some exuberant DJ is screaming into the microphone during "Achy Breaky Heart", or to not die of boredom while the best man/maid of honor make their eternal teary speeches. I just end up getting drunk on cheap cash-bar liquor and praying for the night to be over.

This is one woman who does NOT want the big white wedding.

I announced to my Italian Catholic family that the big wedding skit isn't going to work for me (and my boyfriend heartily agrees!), and that we would be happiest with a quiet/small ceremony on a beach somewhere warm - an event that we BOTH can enjoy. And the reaction to my announcement? I might've as well just told them that I worship the devil, the responses couldn't have been more disapproving.

Sadly, my family could care less if I'll be able to hear on my special day - they just want to follow society's expectations and cultural norms of the marketed "BIG WHITE WEDDING", and invite all five million cousins, second cousins, third cousins, and oh, let's not forget all the neighbors and co-workers. What a nightmare!!! My boyfriend and I will do what makes sense and makes us happiest, but I'm not looking forward to the future arguments with our families about a wedding... eloping is starting to look pretty good...
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Old 05-06-2009, 02:03 PM
 
4,838 posts, read 5,187,109 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ron. View Post
The reason why I ask is because I go into bookstores very often to check out the newest mags. I notice there are tons of mags about- weddings and brides in the womens section but I never see one mag about weddings and grooms in the mens section.

Also, when I mention that I really am not interested in marriage, it's always the women that respond with curiousity as to why I don't plan on getting married. Guys never ask why, heck I don't think guys care about it as much as women do.
Ask yourself this:

Who has the most to gain and who has the most to lose?
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Old 05-06-2009, 02:15 PM
 
Location: Weston, FL
2,840 posts, read 8,963,817 times
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It's all about marketing .. well, for the most part - the other part is sociological/anthropological/societal, etc. which is another topic all together. Stop and think who spends the most money? Not the guys.. it's the women who spend more. Then you have the heavy influence from the media and TV realty shows.

I had really hoped that by now, women would have progressed beyond all this - in some sense they are worse. I am a women BTW.
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Old 05-06-2009, 02:23 PM
 
Location: Eternal State of Confusion
7,309 posts, read 8,660,306 times
Reputation: 9485
Quote:
Originally Posted by jhlcomp View Post
It's all about marketing .. well, for the most part - the other part is sociological/anthropological/societal, etc. which is another topic all together. Stop and think who spends the most money? Not the guys.. it's the women who spend more. Then you have the heavy influence from the media and TV realty shows.

I had really hoped that by now, women would have progressed beyond all this - in some sense they are worse. I am a women BTW.

I have to laugh out loud because it's my sister's husband (hopefully soon to be ex-husband) who put her 6 figures in debt.
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Old 05-06-2009, 02:24 PM
 
Location: I never said I was perfect so no refunds here sorry!
6,373 posts, read 3,853,950 times
Reputation: 29305
Interesting observation to take, did you come from a broken family? or was the extended family close and have those family values, get togethers, picnics, holidays and such or not?
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