Are women "brainwashed" about marriage? (loving, single, children)

[scorpy01]

Interestingly, while it's the woman who usually dreams of being married someday and not the man, studies have been done that indicate men benefit more from marriage than women, on an overall "happiness" scale.

[TiredNomad82]

Yes many women are brainwashed.
I was never the little girl that dreamed of being married, but I did dream of a man that would love me and that I loved back (which I found!).
When I got engaged, I became magazine crazy and that totally messed me up. I'm the oldest child in my family and I had no one to really go to about all this wedding planning stuff. I relied on bride websites and fancy magazine pictures. DEPRESSING! I went through many ups and downs during the whole planning process, and I was engaged for a YEAR.

I want brides to know that the marriage is what counts, not who designed your dress and if its made of 100% silk. Also, its not worth going into debt for a wedding! Stay within your means and be smart. The first year of marriage can be hard enough!

[drjones96]

Originally Posted by drjones96

Every woman in America was brainwashed as a child to believe that their mission in life is to get married to a prince and the wedding will be a fantaciful day full of white roses and fluffy pink clouds and she will live happily ever after following that day. (And the women who know this is a falsehood and were brought up in a realistic world are obviously excused from the above and all of the following)

It's a crock of *****. Sorry ladies. You need to be realistic when you're bringing up your daughters and let them know that life doesn't work that way.

All this wedding mag, publicized million dollar wedding BS on TV, and continuous brow beating of men about how you want your f-ing "dream wedding" does nothing but distance yourself from the man who wants to spend his life with you. Just do yourself a big favor and accept the fact that your magical dream wedding is a nightmare for most men and just meet him at the courthouse....or even Vegas.

Any man that would willingly invest that kind of money toward something so unbelievably unenjoyable that only lasts one f-ing day is out of his gourd. Plus they have to spend hours upon hours listening to you drone on and on about which floral arrangment to use, who should be invited, what sort of dress you should wear, which wedding band to buy, etc, etc, f-ing etc. Men only do this ***** because they are unwilling participants. Don't say "oh my man was different. He wanted this and that." BS! He only did that crap because if he didn't you would have flipped and turned Bridezilla on his a$$.

And what gives you women the right to be a major beeeaaaach in the days leading up to and following your wedding? You have no right to treat your loved ones like that. And they'd be well within their rights to leave your a$$ at the church. Just smile and be happy. That's what the day is supposed to be about. TWO people being happy. Not just you. Your miserable a$$ makes everyone else miserable. Get over yourself. <end rant>

Wow...i got a lot of props for this post....LOL

[NWPAguy]

Doc, I'd jack up your reputation score for this, if the forum would actually let me.

Originally Posted by drjones96

All this wedding mag, publicized million dollar wedding BS on TV, and continuous brow beating of men about how you want your f-ing "dream wedding" does nothing but distance yourself from the man who wants to spend his life with you.

I HATE THOSE STUPID SHOWS!!! My wife watches them sometimes, and I ask myself... exactly how long will the couple really stay together? A marriage isn't a wedding, and a wedding isn't a marriage... they should've saved the money... or maybe, if they HAD to part with it, give it to me so I wouldn't be buried in debt like everyone else in this country.

Originally Posted by drjones96

Just do yourself a big favor and accept the fact that your magical dream wedding is a nightmare for most men and just meet him at the courthouse....or even Vegas.

And, ladies, do yourselves another favor and get off of your high horses about the damn engagement ring and wedding ring. Before my wife and I got married, I told her we should get tattoos in the form of rings, around our ring fingers. (Bear in mind, I am NOT a tattoo person in any way, and neither is she.) I said that a tattoo would be more permanent than a ring (which can easily be slipped off), and it wouldn't be likely to be injurious. Yes, we rough-house a lot. I happen to be very ticklish, and my wife finds that to be endlessly amusing. I wouldn't mind, except that I have a huge scab on my left arm from the latest time when her ring scratched me and drew blood. It's happened numerous times, and I knew that'd happen well before I bought the rings.

Don't get sucked into thinking that a diamond engagement ring is a good investment. It's only a good investment if you plan to sell it eventually... and if you think that's even possible, one of two things is true:

1) You shouldn't be marrying that guy.
2) You can't afford that ring.

In either case, don't buy it.

I dig having a way to show the rest of the world that you aren't available anymore. As I said, a tattoo is much more permanent than a ring. It's also much less expensive, and much less likely to get broken or cut your husband's skin apart.

I can't say I'm crazy about a wedding band either. I'm a rockin' piano player, and there's nothing more annoying than the CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK of this stupid ring on the keyboard as I'm wailing away. I can't always get around that.

Originally Posted by drjones96

Any man that would willingly invest that kind of money toward something so unbelievably unenjoyable that only lasts one f-ing day is out of his gourd.

Or just whipped. Luckily, I didn't pay for much of the wedding... but no matter how many arguments I had with she who became my wife about this subject, I couldn't get her to budge. She was absolutely dead-set on it.

Originally Posted by drjones96

Plus they have to spend hours upon hours listening to you drone on and on about which floral arrangment to use,

I slept through this part of it.

Originally Posted by drjones96

who should be invited, what sort of dress you should wear, which wedding band to buy, etc, etc, f-ing etc. Men only do this ***** because they are unwilling participants. Don't say "oh my man was different. He wanted this and that." BS! He only did that crap because if he didn't you would have flipped and turned Bridezilla on his a$$.

This is entirely true. Ladies, I've been called one of the most sensitive guys around... and I felt the exact same way. NO MAN WANTS THIS and that is an almost universally provable fact. There may be the RARE exception, but I've never run into one man who truly wanted a huge expensive wedding. My wife and some other women I knew were all telling me to shut up and deal with it because the wedding is about the bride, not the groom. Excuse me? Last time I checked, a wedding was about TWO people entering into marriage. If the wedding is about the bride, what's about the groom? The wedding NIGHT??!! Puh-LEEEASE.

Originally Posted by drjones96

And what gives you women the right to be a major beeeaaaach in the days leading up to and following your wedding? You have no right to treat your loved ones like that. And they'd be well within their rights to leave your a$$ at the church. Just smile and be happy. That's what the day is supposed to be about. TWO people being happy. Not just you. Your miserable a$$ makes everyone else miserable. Get over yourself. <end rant>

What I found most amusing in the time before my wedding was how everyone was telling me about how it was going to be such a rush of activity... it'd go by so quickly... I'd be lucky to remember half of it afterwards (and I don't drink)... yadda yadda yadda. If this is universally true, what's the point of the huge expensive wedding?

[emeraldgirl]

I don't think I was ever brainwashed in any way about marriage, I have a very realistic approach about it. I have been engaged almost 3 yrs now (been with fiance for 8 yrs) and I feel we will do it when we are ready financially to have the wedding that we want....nothing big, just a beach wedding with a few close friends but we don't want to enter into married life with a huge debt (even smaller wedding these days are expensive) so I am willing to wait. I am fine with that and I realize that we are already committed to each other in every way....

[Rhiannon29]

I think the media tries to brainwash women about weddings/marriage and for the most part its been successful. It doesn't have to take all this money to get married. Like someone else said, you go right down to the courthouse. But most people want some sort of ceremony, which I think does fit the occassion. BUT, all this hooplah over the dress, the place, flowers, food, doves being released into the sky, whatever, is waaaay overboard. I mean, you can buy a dress or suit from the department store, rent a hall, someone to perform the ceremoney, get a decent price on catering and invite however many people you want and bam, you got a wedding ceremony. You can even ask people to bring a dish of food instead of a present and you can nix the caterer. All that other mess and pretense for one day just isn't worth it.

[Roselvr]

Originally Posted by findinghope

a psychologist said this on the Today show the other day:
women as little girls have dreams about being a bride and having a wedding.
guys just dream about having sex.

so just remember what you were like when you wanted your first time to happen. you were excited and couldnt wait, and just wanted that experience.
that is how women feel about weddings.

I think it's a pretty good comparison which of course doesn't apply to everyone but with the magazines, yes, girls are brought up playing house & dreaming about being a bride or wearing a bride costume for halloween. I used to collect bride dolls when I was little, well I sorta still do. I don't know what it was but the dresses and flowers were so pretty.

Having said that, I'm not the type to spend a lot of money on one day. While I did have the white dress, it was bought off of the rack, a sample. I didn't need the whole world there just my hubby & I. If we spent $5,000 on the whole wedding & week in FL that would be a high estimate.

Originally Posted by ChicagoRon

The reason why I ask is because I go into bookstores very often to check out the newest mags. I notice there are tons of mags about- weddings and brides in the womens section but I never see one mag about weddings and grooms in the mens section.

Also, when I mention that I really am not interested in marriage, it's always the women that respond with curiousity as to why I don't plan on getting married. Guys never ask why, heck I don't think guys care about it as much as women do.


Have women been conditioned to believe in marriage moreso than guys?



Give your 100% honest opinions guys and gals. BE HONEST(ladies)

I see you are male so you not wanting to get married doesn't surprise me. As you said, guys just don't care, but some do when they meet "the one" watch the wedding shows on TLC/Discovery channel. Some of the men are involved and actually do the planning. Every now & then they throw in the rare show where the woman could care less and tells their mother or fiance to plan it.

[Hobokenkitchen]

It's funny but I didn't dream about getting married at all.

When I got engaged I was so hopeless that one of my friends marched me out to buy a bunch of wedding magazines to get ideas.

I'm not going lie; I got thoroughly spoiled.
My DH chose my engagement ring with no help from me. He chose exactly what I would have picked for myself. It's a good size diamond set in a platinum band - a bunch of our friends have bigger diamonds (3 carats +) so DH has talked about 'upgrading' my diamond. I have told him in no uncertain terms that I do not WANT it 'upgraded' - any upgrade would be a downgrade as I couldn't love any ring more than the one I have.

I will say this - my Mother never got an engagement ring from my Dad and she always thought it was because he thought she wasn't worth the effort. I would not want to be without my 'bauble' - it means a lot to me that DH picked it out for me with love.

As far as the wedding goes; we actually got married twice! I'm sure many men are wincing at this, but it was a lot of fun. First time was in Vegas, by Elvis with the '3 song package' and limo included. It was awsome!

Then 6 months later we had a big family wedding in the UK in a castle. My Dad volunteered to pay for it (to my utter amazement), so I chose the cheapest menu, let Dad pick the wine and the castle took care of almost everything. My Mother paid for the flowers, I paid for my own dress (which was the first one I tried on) and my maid of honor paid for the cake as our wedding gift.

I came to England and did all the planning for the whole wedding in a week. DH chose the men's clothes, he picked the band (from a selection of cds I sent him) and he picked the flower colors.
I did the rest in a week and we showed up a few months later and got married! It was wonderful!

DH is saying that he actually really enjoyed both of our weddings. He's laughing as he says that he was very happy with the amount of planning he had to do (not much) lol, but that he wouldn't change anything about the day - except for choosing a different best man. Long story.

He does think the wedding is more for the bride than groom (I'm surprised he said this), but that he really enjoyed it all.

It probably helps that I didn't show a shred of bridezilla at all. Quickest way to ruin a wedding is to get all bent out of shape about the smallest detail. I don't understand why people do this to themselves.

To me our wedding was perfect. I am surprised at how much I enjoyed it as I had no preconceived ideas. Now I enjoy hearing about weddings, wheras before I couldn't have cared less!

[Ron.]

Hmmmm....interesting!

Originally Posted by scorpy01

Interestingly, while it's the woman who usually dreams of being married someday and not the man, studies have been done that indicate men benefit more from marriage than women, on an overall "happiness" scale.

[Ron.]

Doc, after your post, the MODS should have closed the thread!! You gave it to us straight,no chaser!!

Originally Posted by drjones96

Wow...i got a lot of props for this post....LOL