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View Poll Results: Which years are the most difficult in a marriage?
The first year is the hardest. 5 10.00%
Year's 2 - 5 are the big test. 23 46.00%
Years 1-5 are the honeymoon period! It's years 5 - 10 that are hard! 10 20.00%
You only really know where you stand 10 + years into a relationship. 12 24.00%
Voters: 50. You may not vote on this poll

 
 
Old 05-18-2008, 02:06 PM
 
3,490 posts, read 7,378,222 times
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I was just thinking about this. A friend of mine said that the first 5 years of marriage are the hardest. She divorced her husband in year 4, got engaged to another man, but ended up back with husband number 1 several years later. They've now been together 10 more years.

I've heard others say that the first year is the most difficult.

Others say that the first year is the honeymoon period.

Most divorces that I have seen happen after year 10.

So is there a hard and fast rule?

If you get through the first three years are you out of the woods, or are the first 10 years the easy part?

Any thoughts?
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Old 05-18-2008, 02:50 PM
 
5 posts, read 52,763 times
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have had lots of discussions about this with friends lately. i broke up with a guy after 5 years and before that a guy after 2.5 years. i find having spoken to ppl about this that 2.5/3-5 years is the hardest. you should know each other pretty well by that stage and if you don't or if things aren't progressing how one or both of you hoped, it seems to be the timescale to start analysing and figuring out where you're going. personally i found that i just didn't feel the relationships were going in the same direction, because i had changed. others ive spoken to agree, that either the relationship has become too stale or has fizzled out, but that those seem to be the key stages of "make or break".
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Old 05-18-2008, 02:56 PM
 
Location: So Ca
15,753 posts, read 14,989,976 times
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The years during which you're raising teenagers. They can put an enormous strain on a marriage. If you can get through that period, it seems as if you can handle anything.
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Old 05-18-2008, 03:09 PM
 
3,490 posts, read 7,378,222 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CA4Now View Post
The years during which you're raising teenagers. They can put an enormous strain on a marriage. If you can get through that period, it seems as if you can handle anything.

I can see why you would say that and it makes perfect sense! How about for couples who do not expect to have children?
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Old 05-18-2008, 03:24 PM
 
25,165 posts, read 48,403,820 times
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every year from what I heard
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Old 05-18-2008, 03:34 PM
 
Location: USA
1,244 posts, read 2,880,387 times
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I voted years 2-5 as being the hardest.

First year, though it does have some difficulties as you really start getting to know the other person by living with them day in day. See the good moments, the bad moments. When they are sick, feeling good. Had a bad day at work, etc. It still is a honeymoon period and things don't really start getting to you just yet.

Years 2-5, is the period of honeymoon is over, reality is totally here and you look at your spouse and determine if you are going to stick it out or not. Best case scenario is to stick it out. Most things can be worked out with communication, commitment and desire to do so. Few things can really destroy a marriage if both people are committed to making it work.

After 5 years... you pretty much know everything that there is to know about your spouse. Hopefully, you've worked out all the little kinks in the relationship and are now living daily life together as a couple. Hopefully, not forgetting to throw in some of that stuff you did while dating and through the honeymoon phase to keep the relationship alive and thriving.

After 5 years of marriage, if you've made it that far, hopefully you've learned to communicate with each other. To work out differences. To accept each other's strengths and weaknesses. Short of abuse and infidelity, you could probably make it to that "til death do us part" part of marriage.
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Old 05-18-2008, 04:07 PM
 
Location: NoVa
18,433 posts, read 29,474,042 times
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Hmm... I really have to think on this one. We were together for 4 years before getting married, and had our son during that time period. Had our 12th anniversary last July, and were separated a month and a half later.

After year ten, things were noticably worse, I would have to say.
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Old 05-18-2008, 04:23 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,837 posts, read 79,032,965 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
every year from what I heard
Looks like I'll have to agree with you on this one. Still I think adapting to each other at the beginning is probably the most taxing time. Then again, I haven't been married long enough to know about the dynamics later on...
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Old 05-18-2008, 04:47 PM
 
Location: California
11,435 posts, read 17,141,328 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CA4Now View Post
The years during which you're raising teenagers. They can put an enormous strain on a marriage. If you can get through that period, it seems as if you can handle anything.
I'll agree with that, teens can stress you out 30 years next month, not all good but we worked through it.
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Old 05-18-2008, 05:02 PM
 
Location: Naptowne, Alaska
15,595 posts, read 35,270,906 times
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My previous marriage went to heck in a handbasket at year 5. So I'm calling it up to 5.
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