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I have a few questions. Question 1. Why is this guy not interested in girls more his own age? (no disrepect meant to your age, so hope you don't take offence).None taken, I have no idea...I feel like he's infatuated
Question 2. Why are you even considering marrying him if, as you say, he wants kids and you don't? (is this fair to him?)I was really just kind of playing....I'm 46, you'd think my baby days are over, my oldest son turned 12 today and my other son is 10.
Question 3. How do his parents feel about the possibility of a daughter in law as old as themselves(or at the least, nearly as old)?I'm pretty sure being as it's only almost a month, I would hope this hasn't crossed their minds
Question 4. Do you love this boy?I have strived very hard not to be come attached with my heart. My xboyfriend of 8 years & I just broke up last fall...so my heart has been in "healing" mode...this relationship has been good in that aspect because although he's young, he's got emotional depth that my older x does not have or else never showed me...love? ooooooohhhh, it's too early to bring out that word for me.
Question 5. Have you gotten over the flattery of being adored by a man half your age, enough to see things as they are in reality, that although it can work out when one partner is so much younger than the other, it is more likely that one or the other will resent the things the other partner is, or is not capable of doing(I don't include sex in this). For instance he might well be into night clubbing and if you've done all that, you're not going to be happy with him going without you.Being such the party animal that I am (just kidding)...I do not see this as as issue...Actually, who knows...I don't see him as a club fiend...
I'm not being judgmental at all. If you marry this guy and you're happy, then I am absolutely thrilled for you. I'm only going off a relationship I had when I was 38, and the guy was 26, very educated and well travelled (a lot more well travelled than I was), but when he said he wanted us to get serious and think about settling down, I realised it just didn't feel right for me and ended the relationship. I also had 4 kids at this point, with my eldest being just ten years younger than him, they all liked him and were happy about the relationship, but I wasn't. All I'll say now is, just think about what you are going to do. You could well ruin this young man's future by making the wrong decision. Whatever you decide, just be happy. Good luck.
1) You are hot. If you weren't we wouldn't be having this conversation cuz he would find someone his own age.
2) In about 5 years you won't be so hot. Sorry. That is just how it works.
How about investing this time looking for a guy who is a helluva lot deeper and might actually stay with you into your 60s and 70?
hey Lady.
I am now 48 and have had the same relationship... 3 times! The first time I sounded just like you. We ended up together for a year, I loved him very much but it has been a very long hard road mostly for me! I thought that he would be the one hurt, LOL I am here to tell you, I was not in nearly as much control of my emotions as I told myself and others. It hurt us both to let go but I didn't recover nearlyas fast as he did and it took a long time to become friends.
Take it for what ever it is worth, this one's gonna sting like you have never felt before and the reason is that it brings up a many different issues than with someone my own age.
I started seeing him just before my 45th birthday. He was smart, hot and on his own (independent) and the sex was amazing (best lover I have ever had, LOL he had a book called how to ... he had read as a teen (GREAT BOOK)
Anyway, we were very happy for the first 6 months, we were involved in eachothers lives, met the families etc... then things started to change...
The sex settled down, as it ALWAYS does, and we noticed the differences, instead of the "sames." Impossible, we thought, we began having some trouble. He couldn't and I emphasize couldn't, meet me half way. He was just a kid in so many ways that I didn't even realize, nor did he. I started to feel insecure, especially when young gorgeous women were around, even though I am hot too! I look about 30.
He asked me to marry him, yikes! that was a big step at only a year. I said no. He freaked out and we broke up. It was devastating, he managed to find many women and sort of screwed his way through the pain, I stayed alone due to maturity and a much smaller dating pool.
I am not saying don't enjoy it, I am not even saying it can't work. I just wont for me. the last three years I have had two semi long term relationships with younger guys, and one dating type. It is really hard for me now to be interested in a guy my age OR a younger guy... As I stumble through this I have found a lot of wonderful gifts in myself along the way and am confident I will keep growing, I am however, concerned that I am not attracted to men my age anymore. lol
My advice... enjoy him and remember that no matter how wonderful and how grown he appears, he IS 23 and there is no way that he will ever catch up with you. You can't expect much, I know it looks different to you now but try to keep this in mind for both you sakes. Have fun.
Hi Lady. You answered one of my questions as to if you love this boy with "it's much to early to talk of it as love" (not exact quote), but in this vein. If it's too soon to talk of it as love is it not also too soon to talk or think of marriage. Surely you wouldn't consider marrying unless you were 100% sure you loved him. Surely this would be a recipe for disaster. It does sound to me like you are still rebounding from your last love, and if his parents don't yet know he's thinking of settling down with a woman twice his age, isn't this basing the relationship on a lie? Doesn't the fact that he hasn't even told them he's dating a woman twice his age,much less thinking of marriage with her rather say it all? I don't think they would be so kindly disposed toward you if they knew you were deceiving them, deliberately or otherwise. I know I wouldn't be if it was my son(or daughter with a man twice her age). Sometimes healing happens more quickly if you spend some time alone after the breakdown of a relationship. It might be advisable to do this if you're able instead of trying to fill the empty space too quickly whilst you are still very vulnerable and apt to make unwise choices, that you wouldn't normally make in a less vulnerable state. I do understand the excitement of a new love/lust and I'm not trying to pour cold water on your happiness, but I do worry that you're not thinking too clearly where all this could lead if you allow it to go on too long. I wish you happiness what ever happens. God bless you.
Been to meet the parents, the brothers, the friends...he brought up "where are we going in the future" talk the other night on the weekend...I have no idea what he's fishing for?! To me, I know that he will eventually want a family and children and I've already done that been there....just kind of wondering how to answer that question. He has told me that he already feels this is more than just a sexual relationship. I've been trying to keep my head straight and not get emotionally attached. My girfriends have said that maybe he just thinks he's a sex object to me and that's why he's questioning things. He's met my girlfriends, we've all been out together...I just don't know how to respond.
Been together since the end of April.
Congrats on everything going so well!!
When my boyfriend (then 22) and I first starting dating, right away he told me that he loved me. It nearly gave me a heart attack! But while he really did feel that he loved me right away and that I was the dream woman for him that he didn't think existed, he also is a very thoughtful and smart man. So for the last five years, we have lived together and treated our relationship as a serious and permanent one. And we do feel that we will spend the rest of our lives together. His family thinks that we should get engaged and married. We've resisted becoming formally engaged. We have discussed marriage and if it happens, it will be before our 10th anniversary. Or in other words, while I am still young looking enough for the wedding pictures. lol
I think that for you, perhaps you could exchange promise rings with each other and treat this as a serious relationship. But... do NOT rush into getting engaged. DO take the time to really get to know each other. Make sure that your life goals and personalties are well matched. At some point, think about living together. Otherwise, as you give him your love, hang back and see how he naturally does careerwise. I try to be very supportive of what my boyfriend does for work, but at the same time, I try not to influence him to my tastes. Even at 26, he's got a lot more growing and exploring to do. I'm willing to keep him company, but I am also willing to let him have his friends too. I guess what I am trying to say is that I don't want to be his older mentor, but try to be a supportive adult peer to him.
Anyway, treat him like you would if you were dating a man your own age. Give him the same amount of respect for his opinions. Never look down on him or be patronizing. If he is willing to treat you like a real girlfriend (one his own age), then go for it!!! And don't ever refer to yourself as a cougar or him as your boy toy... at least not for a while imo. My boyfriend was a little sensitive about stuff like that in the beginning. Now that he feels truly an equal in our relationship, we joke about everything.
I totally support older woman/younger man....but why play games....you like him, he likes you....be honest. If you want kids...say so. If you don't....say so. You are both adults, enjoy what you have, just be upfront.
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been there done this....
