Break-up / Relocation Opinions... (woman, love, singles, family)

[supernova9]

My now ex-gf of 3.5 years moved to North Carolina for a teaching job. I am considering moving there for the same thing, but I don't know anyone in the state besides her or her family. I'm from IL. I'm wondering if I should still consider the state, or if I may be putting myself in an unbearable position by being in the same state as someone I still love, but located in a different city. We'd be around 100 miles apart. NC is so beautiful... I'm just not sure if being there alone in this situation is a good idea. Thoughts?

[movingon2vegas]

Unless your goal is to go and win her back I wouldn't do it. There are tons of places all over the country that need teachers!!!

[pirate girl]

If you do decide to go there, make a promise to yourself that you won't make contact with her or her family.

[bluegrassgirl]

Too tempting and I'm afraid you might appear desperate and "stalkerish" to her. Not a good idea.

[Rathagos]

Advice from a guy... Go where the hell you want to!!!

Just make sure where your going is where you want to go. You said North Carolina is beautiful (and I'm sure it is.. only been through there once). But there are more than 20 people in the state, unless you're going to see her, the odds of just "running into her" is slim to none. Everyone's post makes it sound like you are going there on a stalking mission. If that IS your purpose... bad move. But if you are going because it's beautiful, you always wanted to go, you have a job prospect, etc. etc. then go!

100 miles may not sound like a lot in the overall US, but there's a lot of road and people between there (I hope!).

Teach where you want to teach. If you stay away from where you want to be because of a girl, it doesn't matter where you end up, you won't be happy because it's not where you want to be.

On the other hand, if you don't have a real job lined up, you are worried yourself about trying to get re-involved, and North Carolina was a pipe dream between you and the ex, then I would recommend waiting a while first. Sort your emotions out. Write out exactly why you want to go there and why you shouldn't. See which list is longer, then run with whichever way it turns out.

I would never be stupid enough to not go to another state because an ex is there. Just make sure you're going for the right reasons (as the others have stated. )

[supernova9]

Her and I have not been in contact for 3 weeks, and have been broken up for just over two months. I don't even know if I'd want to tell her I was moving down there, if I decided to, because I wouldn't be moving just to win her back. I'm not considering us getting back together an option, even though I would definitely do so if given the chance. I also wouldn't do anything dumb, like putting myself in the same county, etc. She does know, however, that I was considering a move to NC before she left.

Obviously, things are still pretty fresh. Part of me thinks that a totally new start elsewhere would be better for my psyche. A place that would carry no connotations, like what I face daily by living in Champaign. I feel like I could probably make that happen in Raleigh, in spite of some expected mental road blocks. Really, though, the thoughts of her would happen anywhere, regardless of where I traveled.

I enjoy the south, and am also considering Louisville KY and Austin TX. I like the PAC NW, but I think I'm priced out of living there as a teacher. Raleigh just really encapsulated the climate and surroundings that I am looking to escape from in IL, as well. It's got the green and nearby mountains of the PAC NW, the mild weather with more sun than PAC NW, and surrounded by more places of interest than Austin.

I'm going to Austin on June 1st and from there to Seattle on June 8th for a sort of investigatory vacation. I've got friends and relatives in both places that campaign pretty hard for their respective locales. I've been to L'ville and R-D/CH in the last year on a long road trip.

Any other insights are greatly appreciated!

[sierraAZ]

Originally Posted by supernova9

Obviously, things are still pretty fresh. Part of me thinks that a totally new start elsewhere would be better for my psyche. A place that would carry no connotations, like what I face daily by living in Champaign.

That's the thing - this place already DOES, even before you move...

[andreaspercheron]

From a woman... live where you want. NC IS beautiful and the people are outstanding. I hear in some places the singles scene is great! If you are still in love though, you need to work that out before you put yourself out there to date. I wouldn't however contact the ex-g/f just because, she's now an ex. I'm of the mind that when you break up, it's over - nuff said.

[sierraAZ]

Originally Posted by andreaspercheron

I wouldn't however contact the ex-g/f just because, she's now an ex.

Wanna bet he will?

[andreaspercheron]

Originally Posted by sierraAZ

Wanna bet he will?

yeah probably but I HAD to say something! LOL I'm doing my part!