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Old 05-22-2008, 10:58 AM
 
11,312 posts, read 17,002,614 times
Reputation: 5164
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shamerika View Post
I absolutely see and realize that yes, I'm too young to be in that much stress. Am I just fresh meat on his dirty ways? Maybe. Am I going to have kids to he can just leave me? Maybe. He does not have a great reputation. I've never been in that situtation before. I'm used to it being me and my of (of 7-years) and that's it. No drama. No baby mama's. AND THAT DIDN'T WORK....here I am going for a man with a lot of past-but-present issues.[/color][/b]
Looks like she came to the proper conclusion already...
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Old 05-22-2008, 11:05 AM
 
5,108 posts, read 7,469,250 times
Reputation: 3450
The 5 children is not a problem. The 4 different women is a BIG BIG BIG problem.
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Old 05-22-2008, 11:06 AM
 
Location: Lake Forest, CA
268 posts, read 493,937 times
Reputation: 176
I find it highly disappointing that a bunch of adults on an internet forum (but that should explain it) all agree that this guy is a "bad guy" because he had children with multiple women... If the oldest was 10, and the middle two are 8 and 7, that means the "bad decisions" he made were well in his stupid years of 18-21... Apparently he got married and had twins (or two close together) with a woman that he married in the past 5 years, so obviously the man has made some changes or effort to move forward with his life instead of being a deadbeat and/or continuing on with the seed spreading.

Now, if we are to take the word of the OP that he is a good guy, why oppose and say "oh... well obviously he's not since he's got 4 baby mamas..." So are we all the same at 28 as we were at 20? I definitely have made HUGE changes since my 8 year old son was born. I was 18 and went out a lot and the worst, smoked pot. Since the day I found out I was pregnant with him (at 18) I haven't touched a single joint NOR do I even drink but one cooler every few months. I made MANY mistakes as a teenager and young adult, but at 26, I'm the straightest and most square person you'll meet. My friends even consider me boring since I don't do anything or go out anymore... I'm not a typical 26 year old. Work and family is all I care about now... You'd never have thought that if you looked at my days as an 18 year old.

Why condemn a man of 28 years for what he was as a young(er) adult? Don't we ALL do stupid things at that age? As the OP said, it's unfair to judge a person by the stupid things they've done in the past. It just isn't fair. It's unfair for people to say a man with 5 kids isn't deserving of future love because he "knocked up" several women in his early years. All that happened before 21, A VERY VULNERABLE AGE to stupidity. He then went on to get married and had twins with his WIFE. That didn't work out for reasons unknown, but does it necessarily point to something "horrible" about him? Damn, 60% of marriages end in divorce, but now since the man's got a bad record as a teen, he's now double whammied?

I'm not sticking up for the guy, nor do I know anything about him... I'm just saying that the whole "absolute, NO WAY!" answers that most people gave aren't realistic. It's not so black and white. There's plenty of factors that play into relationships and people. It's not just "Oh, 5 kids, NEXT!" But of course, that's easy to say when you're not the one in their shoes...

Again, not saying yes or no, should or shouldn't... Just saying the OP should think deeper than the "5 kids by 4 women" thing. And judge him more on how he is NOW than he was BACK THEN. People change, no matter how opposed to that theory most people are. But yes, I do agree, you have to figure out if it's something you're willing to work out in the future... Regarding step-children, teenage years, future dramas, etc... But if you're up for it, then I see no problem as long as you're a patient person who knows how to get through it and work things out.
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Old 05-22-2008, 11:26 AM
 
5,108 posts, read 7,469,250 times
Reputation: 3450
Quote:
Originally Posted by slove1106 View Post
I find it highly disappointing that a bunch of adults on an internet forum (but that should explain it) all agree that this guy is a "bad guy" because he had children with multiple women... Are we all the same at 28 as we were at 20? I definitely have made HUGE changes since my 8 year old son was born. Why condemn a man of 28 years for what he was as a young(er) adult? Don't we ALL do stupid things at that age?

It's unfair for people to say a man with 5 kids isn't deserving of future love because he "knocked up" several women in his early years. All that happened before 21, A VERY VULNERABLE AGE to stupidity. There's plenty of factors that play into relationships and people. And judge him more on how he is NOW than he was BACK THEN. People change, no matter how opposed to that theory most people are.

The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.
And the other best predictor of future behavior is current lifestyle.

Unless someone has gone through some pretty major life changes and has something to show for it (as in significant evidence that he has changed his lifestyle) then nothing has changed.

The person posting above DOES show the kind of positive significant change a person can make, and I have immense respect for the person able to make those changes. But there is nothing in the opening post to suggest that the due with 5 kids by 4 women has changed at all.

Love and respect and healthy relationship are EARNED by how the person chooses to live their life.

(And i still believe the opening post might have been a troll.....because it also has the part about the gal having no kids and no parenting sense....just sounds not on the up and up)
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Old 05-22-2008, 11:46 AM
 
Location: Lake Forest, CA
268 posts, read 493,937 times
Reputation: 176
Quote:
Originally Posted by DimSumRaja View Post
(And i still believe the opening post might have been a troll.....because it also has the part about the gal having no kids and no parenting sense....just sounds not on the up and up)
Yeah. That's true. I guess it's a lot easier for an experienced parent to take on a relationship with a person with children because of that experience. But seeing as she's oblivious to the parenting world... might be disaster. lol.
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Old 05-22-2008, 11:51 AM
 
Location: USA
1,246 posts, read 2,060,015 times
Reputation: 739
Quote:
Originally Posted by slove1106 View Post
I find it highly disappointing that a bunch of adults on an internet forum (but that should explain it) all agree that this guy is a "bad guy" because he had children with multiple women... If the oldest was 10, and the middle two are 8 and 7, that means the "bad decisions" he made were well in his stupid years of 18-21... Apparently he got married and had twins (or two close together) with a woman that he married in the past 5 years, so obviously the man has made some changes or effort to move forward with his life instead of being a deadbeat and/or continuing on with the seed spreading.
I would agree with you if this were the case but if you truly read the OP's post you would see that his "bad decisions" are not a think of the past and his stupid years. He seems to still be stuck in the same pattern. 1) He is NOT divorced yet, but has been with this woman for 3 months 2) Only 3 month's into a relationship, still being married to another woman, having 5 children with 4 different women, he is already talking to this new woman about having more children with her now. I'm sorry but he is not showing signs of having learned anything from his previous "bad decisions". What he is showing is the famous saying that a leopard cannot change their spots, or a zebra cannot change it's stripes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by slove1106 View Post
Now, if we are to take the word of the OP that he is a good guy, why oppose and say "oh... well obviously he's not since he's got 4 baby mamas..." So are we all the same at 28 as we were at 20? I definitely have made HUGE changes since my 8 year old son was born. I was 18 and went out a lot and the worst, smoked pot. Since the day I found out I was pregnant with him (at 18) I haven't touched a single joint NOR do I even drink but one cooler every few months. I made MANY mistakes as a teenager and young adult, but at 26, I'm the straightest and most square person you'll meet. My friends even consider me boring since I don't do anything or go out anymore... I'm not a typical 26 year old. Work and family is all I care about now... You'd never have thought that if you looked at my days as an 18 year old.
No, most of us are probably not the same as we were when we were 20. But that is the proof right there. From your own words, you are not doing the same things you were doing and you are not making the same mistakes over and over again. The same cannot be said about this man. Despite the multiple children, with multiple women, he is seeking continuing the cycle by adding more children and yet at least another woman into the mix.

Quote:
Originally Posted by slove1106 View Post
Why condemn a man of 28 years for what he was as a young(er) adult? Don't we ALL do stupid things at that age? As the OP said, it's unfair to judge a person by the stupid things they've done in the past. It just isn't fair. It's unfair for people to say a man with 5 kids isn't deserving of future love because he "knocked up" several women in his early years. All that happened before 21, A VERY VULNERABLE AGE to stupidity. He then went on to get married and had twins with his WIFE. That didn't work out for reasons unknown, but does it necessarily point to something "horrible" about him? Damn, 60% of marriages end in divorce, but now since the man's got a bad record as a teen, he's now double whammied?
I can only speak for myself. I'm not condemning him for what mistakes he may have made in the past. My issues come up with the fact that he obviously hasn't learned a thing when in his present he is seeking to make the same mistakes yet again. Unfair? Yeah, I'll tell you who it's unfair to, those children all growing up without their father present in their lives on a daily basis because he is moving from woman to woman and having more and more babies.

Quote:
Originally Posted by slove1106 View Post
I'm not sticking up for the guy, nor do I know anything about him... I'm just saying that the whole "absolute, NO WAY!" answers that most people gave aren't realistic. It's not so black and white. There's plenty of factors that play into relationships and people. It's not just "Oh, 5 kids, NEXT!" But of course, that's easy to say when you're not the one in their shoes...
How about the shoe's of each of those "baby mama's" now raising children on their own (not saying they were innocent in this, they made their choices too). How about the shoe's of those children (the truly innocent ones in all this). How about the shoes of this woman and what she could be stepping into and what her future could end up being because of it. What about the shoes of those "more children" he claims to want to have with her, when oops it doesn't work out (as history has shown) and he is gone moving on to the next victim... i mean woman.

Quote:
Originally Posted by slove1106 View Post
Again, not saying yes or no, should or shouldn't... Just saying the OP should think deeper than the "5 kids by 4 women" thing. And judge him more on how he is NOW than he was BACK THEN. People change, no matter how opposed to that theory most people are. But yes, I do agree, you have to figure out if it's something you're willing to work out in the future... Regarding step-children, teenage years, future dramas, etc... But if you're up for it, then I see no problem as long as you're a patient person who knows how to get through it and work things out.
Exactly and that is the basis of most of the opinions that have been shared on this thread. How he is NOW, is not showing any difference from how he was BACK THEN. And yes the OP needs to think deeper. But deeper than oh poor guy and he shouldn't be doomed to a life without love because he has 5 kids. What she needs to think deeper about is, has this guy actually shown signs of maturing and learning from his mistaks. And I'm sorry but NO... big fat NO... he has not shown that. Again, he is still married, not divorced yet, only with this woman 3 months and already talking about having more kids with her to add to his lot of already 5 kids with 4 different women.

So being one of those that has given a negative review and opinion on this guy, for all the above stated reasons... not sure what you mean by this....

Quote:
Originally Posted by slove1106 View Post
I find it highly disappointing that a bunch of adults on an internet forum (but that should explain it) all agree that this guy is a "bad guy" because he had children with multiple women...
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Old 05-22-2008, 12:08 PM
 
Location: Visitation between Wal-Mart & Home Depot
8,310 posts, read 20,710,815 times
Reputation: 6634
Quote:
Originally Posted by slove1106 View Post

1). I was 18 and went out a lot and the worst, smoked pot. Since the day I found out I was pregnant with him (at 18) I haven't touched a single joint NOR do I even drink but one cooler every few months. I made MANY mistakes as a teenager and young adult, but at 26, I'm the straightest and most square person you'll meet. My friends even consider me boring since I don't do anything or go out anymore... I'm not a typical 26 year old. Work and family is all I care about now... You'd never have thought that if you looked at my days as an 18 year old.
If what I read is correct, you behaved in a manner consistent with adulthood. As soon as you found out you had a serious commitment on the way, you put down the reefer and stepped up to the plate. Making a mistake in your teens is normal, some just have more far reaching consequences than others. Making the same mistake with the same far reaching consequences over and over is not normal.

Quote:
Originally Posted by slove1106 View Post

2). It's unfair for people to say a man with 5 kids isn't deserving of future love because he "knocked up" several women in his early years. All that happened before 21, A VERY VULNERABLE AGE to stupidity. He then went on to get married and had twins with his WIFE. That didn't work out for reasons unknown, but does it necessarily point to something "horrible" about him? Damn, 60% of marriages end in divorce, but now since the man's got a bad record as a teen, he's now double whammied?
Producing 3 bastards before 21, cheating on the mother of your children, enduring a divorce and breaking up a family before 30 is quite a bit more than a "double whammy."

Quote:
Originally Posted by slove1106 View Post

3). I'm not sticking up for the guy, nor do I know anything about him... I'm just saying that the whole "absolute, NO WAY!" answers that most people gave aren't realistic. It's not so black and white. There's plenty of factors that play into relationships and people. It's not just "Oh, 5 kids, NEXT!" But of course, that's easy to say when you're not the one in their shoes...
You are sticking up for the guy and this is, in fact, a black-and-white no-brainer.

Quote:
Originally Posted by slove1106 View Post

4). And judge him more on how he is NOW than he was BACK THEN. People change, no matter how opposed to that theory most people are. But yes, I do agree, you have to figure out if it's something you're willing to work out in the future... Regarding step-children, teenage years, future dramas, etc... But if you're up for it, then I see no problem as long as you're a patient person who knows how to get through it and work things out.
So now he's a cheating divorcee with a mountain of child support obligations for the next 15 years, give or take. Whoever marries this guy also marries the financial obligations to his kids (and ex-wife, depending on the state). If he doesn't or can't pay, the state will go after the spouse. Its a no-brainer on every level.
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Old 05-22-2008, 12:15 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,846 posts, read 52,681,702 times
Reputation: 22742
Quote:
Originally Posted by mari4him View Post
he is already talking to this new woman about having more children with her now....
While I have no doubt in my mind this guy is a jerk to be avoided at all cost, I wouldn't put too much weight on this particular detail. Talk is cheap. He's doing it because he knows that's what she wants.

I had a guy once planning on making a baby the first time we were together (LOL, as if it was up to him anyway ) while he had absolutely no such intentions in reality... I never got that... because it’d only make some sense “before,” not “after”… Oh, well, adrenaline rush can make you say anything, I suppose.
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Old 05-22-2008, 12:26 PM
 
Location: USA
1,246 posts, read 2,060,015 times
Reputation: 739
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
While I have no doubt in my mind this guy is a jerk to be avoided at all cost, I wouldn't put too much weight on this particular detail. Talk is cheap. He's doing it because he knows that's what she wants.

I had a guy once planning on making a baby the first time we were together (LOL, as if it was up to him anyway ) while he had absolutely no such intentions in reality... I never got that... because it’d only make some sense “before,” not “after”… Oh, well, adrenaline rush can make you say anything, I suppose.
True. I'll give you that it could be just talk and talk can be cheap.

However, giving his track record, I kind tend to go more on the notion that he would in fact have no problems having more children with this woman. And if I was this woman, I would not be having sex with him, or at the very least doubling up, if not tripleling, on the protection factor for more reasons than one.
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Old 05-22-2008, 12:34 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,846 posts, read 52,681,702 times
Reputation: 22742
Quote:
Originally Posted by mari4him View Post
However, giving his track record, I kind tend to go more on the notion that he would in fact have no problems having more children with this woman. And if I was this woman, I would not be having sex with him, or at the very least doubling up, if not tripleling, on the protection factor for more reasons than one.
Oh, I'm not arguing this at all. I can't imagine how anybody can even entertain such idea. For the record, I have done quite a few crazy things in my life and I’m still unable to begin to fathom it…
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